(no subject)
I am my parents big dissapointment. I have done nothing compared to him. I lack in every department. He is a really good photographer and everything, they expect me to live up to everything he had accomplished and I cant. I have never done anything right, I am a fat ugly white suburbanite and am always at home. My parents have photoalbums full of him, and my little brother, guess how many photoalbums of me they have? One, and there are only six pictures in it. It stopped right around the time I started middle school. I realize that even though I am thier son, they probably cant bear the thought of me. They never want to go anywhere with me, be it to buy me clothes or just go out to eat or whatever, they always make excuses. And it sucks because you all know all you really want is your parents to be proud of you. Mine are not the least bit proud of me, they have a whopping six pictures of me during my life, when I was born, and one picture from each grade of elementary school. They have dozens of pictures of Joe and Chuck. I feel like shit. I feel as if I've let them down and I have, I got my dad to start smoking again, I've caused my mother to start drinking, and now because of my grades(which are only two D+'s) they fight and argue constantly and now my dad sleeps in another room. Maybe there are underlying reasons for their fighting, but all they ever yell and scream at each other about is how the other should have raised me better so I wouldnt "slack" off so much in school. I fucking hate this. I think the world and my family would be better off without me. There really arent words to describe how I feel. Like Private Pyle said from Full Metal Jacket: "I am in a world of shit."
Peace out, I need a smoke.
Peace out, I need a smoke.