home again
finally sent home Saturday, had developed a urinary tract infection with resulting fever and was told i had to be w/o fever for 24 hrs. ... no one told me they consider a fever 101+ so the order to go home was a surprise. getting home was a joy and a disappointment, all in one ...
-
i'm a bit tired of some saying they will do something and never come through, after my spending the day anticipating seeing them and then no show ... yet if i do not anticipate them showing I would be what?
i don't know, don't think i've ever tried that ... and i didn't even ask they come over, talking on phone was adequate ...
-
looking at my house in it's mess-not really, just dingy from inability be on hands and knees to clean well-is rather depressing ... i feel as if someone has taken the joy from my life and want to weep for the loss of it ... little energy, i've almost no energy to even feed myself, though i do ... spent time making food for this period and the joy of eating it is missing ... i don't know, guess I'm lonely ... never in over ten years have i felt this way-not the lonely, the weepy-and i'm not sure what to do with this ... without a direction, weeping would do me little good ... feel as if i must at the least have something to cry over ... i could probably use a good cry, in the midst of it i would find something to focus on, i'm sure ...
-
little things i liked doing are now just things i have to do, the pain is still so great i find i can't do them easily, nor even sleep, wish i had asked for something to assist me in that ... the pain is getting less a bit each day, i think, and that -PAIN- is absent ... this one stays all the time though, unlike the other which came much more with movement and little with sitting/lying down ... NO comfortable position yet, it better come soon!
-
the new hip is scaring me, it popped twice in quick succession yesterday, scaring the wits out of me! i thought i had just sent myself back to hospital to have it put back in place ... didn't pop out, just making noise at me, the other never did that ... scary ...
-
highlights are few, PT came over and having someone here was pleasant, just focused on what to do with these legs and how to minimize hurting myself ... Jason is always good at showing his care for me, sending me email often ... my sister is in contact often, though i think she went to a deeper part of the jungle this week, and she really hates doing that! ... SPIDERS, you know? ... Joey is so often busy i don't get to see her as much as i would like and do get to see her enough ... on the start of Rosh Hashanah we shared the traditional honey and apples ... what fun! ***[and by the way, a happy and healthy New Year to you!]*** ... she made the others in the room look at us funny as she imitated the sound of the Shofar (rams horn) blowing, we laughed quite hard ... :~)
-
Yom Kippur is this Friday night, fast and repent ... you know, perhaps being in this "Days of Awe" period - a time for renewal, through prayer and deep reflection leading to Yom Kippur - is contributing to the weepy feeling ... could be ... i've always tried to observe the day in its original sense and this year it seems to be hitting me harder maybe ... (always with the qualifier, eh? no one ever accused me of not hedging my bets) ... always had a deep satisfaction eating a light meal after sundown, continuing to think on Him and what He has been to me in my life.
- = - = - = - = -
-
i'm a bit tired of some saying they will do something and never come through, after my spending the day anticipating seeing them and then no show ... yet if i do not anticipate them showing I would be what?
i don't know, don't think i've ever tried that ... and i didn't even ask they come over, talking on phone was adequate ...
-
looking at my house in it's mess-not really, just dingy from inability be on hands and knees to clean well-is rather depressing ... i feel as if someone has taken the joy from my life and want to weep for the loss of it ... little energy, i've almost no energy to even feed myself, though i do ... spent time making food for this period and the joy of eating it is missing ... i don't know, guess I'm lonely ... never in over ten years have i felt this way-not the lonely, the weepy-and i'm not sure what to do with this ... without a direction, weeping would do me little good ... feel as if i must at the least have something to cry over ... i could probably use a good cry, in the midst of it i would find something to focus on, i'm sure ...
-
little things i liked doing are now just things i have to do, the pain is still so great i find i can't do them easily, nor even sleep, wish i had asked for something to assist me in that ... the pain is getting less a bit each day, i think, and that -PAIN- is absent ... this one stays all the time though, unlike the other which came much more with movement and little with sitting/lying down ... NO comfortable position yet, it better come soon!
-
the new hip is scaring me, it popped twice in quick succession yesterday, scaring the wits out of me! i thought i had just sent myself back to hospital to have it put back in place ... didn't pop out, just making noise at me, the other never did that ... scary ...
-
highlights are few, PT came over and having someone here was pleasant, just focused on what to do with these legs and how to minimize hurting myself ... Jason is always good at showing his care for me, sending me email often ... my sister is in contact often, though i think she went to a deeper part of the jungle this week, and she really hates doing that! ... SPIDERS, you know? ... Joey is so often busy i don't get to see her as much as i would like and do get to see her enough ... on the start of Rosh Hashanah we shared the traditional honey and apples ... what fun! ***[and by the way, a happy and healthy New Year to you!]*** ... she made the others in the room look at us funny as she imitated the sound of the Shofar (rams horn) blowing, we laughed quite hard ... :~)
-
Yom Kippur is this Friday night, fast and repent ... you know, perhaps being in this "Days of Awe" period - a time for renewal, through prayer and deep reflection leading to Yom Kippur - is contributing to the weepy feeling ... could be ... i've always tried to observe the day in its original sense and this year it seems to be hitting me harder maybe ... (always with the qualifier, eh? no one ever accused me of not hedging my bets) ... always had a deep satisfaction eating a light meal after sundown, continuing to think on Him and what He has been to me in my life.
- = - = - = - = -