nuances of dis/comfort
When people say, "I'm sorry things are so sucky/crappy/shitty/difficult right now." I feel ok. Consoled.
But when people say, "I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now," I feel worse. Likewise with, "I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with things."
Why? Because it makes me feel like I'm the problem and not my situation. Makes me feel patronized. It's a verbal pat on the head that says, "There, there. You'll figure out how to be a functional person like the rest of us one of these days. Until then, we'll just pity you from over here. Which is far, far away from the shit you've gotten yourself into. Wow. Don't YOU ever suck! We really thought you'd fare better, but we guessed wrongly. It must suck so hard to be you."
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But when people say, "I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now," I feel worse. Likewise with, "I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with things."
Why? Because it makes me feel like I'm the problem and not my situation. Makes me feel patronized. It's a verbal pat on the head that says, "There, there. You'll figure out how to be a functional person like the rest of us one of these days. Until then, we'll just pity you from over here. Which is far, far away from the shit you've gotten yourself into. Wow. Don't YOU ever suck! We really thought you'd fare better, but we guessed wrongly. It must suck so hard to be you."
Original post on Dreamwidth with
comment(s). Please comment there using OpenID.