when indulgences go bad

[kettunainen]

i had ice cream twice yesterday and once today. I barely had enough protein to cover the ice cream indulgences of yesterday and experienced a bit of agitation as my blood sugar dropped (as opposed to plummetted). Today, I had extremely little protein to pad out the sugar, and as a result, I feel like utter horse shit. I am cranky, bitchy, neurotic, anxious, teary-eyed, and guilt-ridden. I do not want to leave the house. I was supposed to be somewhere earlier today and I am not ready to go. I still have to walk the dog, but I feel paralyzed because if I walk the dog then I am not going where I need to be going, so in times like this, I sit and do nothing and feel even worse. I want to sit in a dark corner and surround myself with oblivion.

I just ate two eggs, but I feel like I should eat the other ten to make up for what crazy shit my body is being put through because I was a stupidhead and decided to do something that I knew was bad for me.

Payback's a bitch.

In somewhat related news, I have come to the conclusion that I am desperately unsuited for full-time work. I seem able only to work 4-6 hour stints at any given thing, and sometimes many times less. I do not believe that I am alone in this and it saddens me that people are out there every fucking day doing soul-sucking work for hours at a time because they have little other choice. In this, I consider myself both lucky right now and potentially screwed for the future. :(