(no subject)
I decided my life has just kind of been the usual lately, so I put off updating. This weekend, however...
Last Sunday, Mom bought me a new pair of shoes to wear at work since mine were agony. They fit pretty well, except that they had no padding even though they were New Balance. So I had to get insoles. That made them too small. I can semi-comfortably wear them for six hours. Beyond that, they are murder. I found that out when I went Easter outfit shopping Thursday evening after having worn them ten hours at work...added another three hours of clothes search.
Went clothes shopping with Dan Thursday evening after work for Easter. The order for choir was to wear "jewel tones" so I coached him on what jewel tones meant and he picked out a dark purple shirt. I hunted down ties for him that would go with it, and he chose a purple, black, and pink striped one that looked really sharp. Then it was my turn. We looked in every store in the mall and found nothing. I wound up going to Target, and found a coral ruffly dress with the front of the hem way shorter (above my knees) than the back (down to my ankles) and strapless. Given the airy slinkiness of the fabric, I had to buy seamless skivvies, a short half slip, and a new strapless bra since the only one I've got is black.
Work Friday had me riding shotgun in cars to take people to the back of the greenhouse property to get lilies for Easter. That was fun. I also helped unpack indoor-only grapefruit, lemon, and orange trees. The greenhouse manager has offered me 40 hour weeks during the summer when the store cuts back, and I told him he'd have to ask Dave to have me. Nice to know I'm in demand somewhere...
Saturday I'd planned to meet Dan for lunch after the last Easter choir practice--they wound up going over the stated practice time by 15 to 20 minutes--and go to Earl Plaza books, then he'd have to go to his parents since his Kentucky grandparents would be arriving and he's their perfect little boy so he'd have to be there. I got up at ten, since I'd been off and on awake since seven, and shortly after I got up my sister called wanting help Easter dress shopping. This year, instead of buying an outfit and then finding a shirt and tie for her husband to match, her husband had already found his outfit and my sister needed to match it. We got started a little after noon, and Dan joined us when he got off choir. We looked in every store (again), and she found a couple of possibles, but nothing that really fit or she liked or was quite the right color. I, on the other hand, found another skirt, a sweater, a lace vesty thing for my coral dress, and a scarf I really liked. I laughingly told them it was because I'd stopped looking. We went to lunch at BDubs after an unsuccessful search of the mall and several other department stores (at about 2:30), then Dan had to go be with his grandparents. While eating lunch, we texted my sister's husband to explain the situation and he texted back to tell her to get what she wanted, then find something else for him.
He didn't mean it.
We finally searched all the stores again, and back at the mall found her a cute strapless dress that was the last of its kind for over 150 miles. My sister tried on a small one and it didn't quite fit, but there was another lady wanting to try it on and had the larger size, took one look at my sister in the small one, and said she wasn't even going to try it. We thanked her profusely and had a dress for my sister. We looked all over the mall for a matching tie and shirt for her husband, and my sister started sending him photos of it. He started to get all childish and telling her everything looked ugly and it went on from there. We gave up on the shirt and tie and took the one tie we'd bought back to their house, where he was all but yelling at her that she wasn't catering her outfit around him and that there was no way we couldn't have found something after spending until nearly six searching. We had tried to find something, and even the dress my sister bought would go with his gray suit, but because it wasn't robin's egg blue in any form... He made her feel horrible. I wanted to hit him.
I went home and the little vesty thing I'd bought for my Easter dress didn't work, Dad didn't like my coral dress, and I didn't have anything to match my new skirt (it's teal-and-purple loose tie-dye). So I would up going back into town at about 7:30 to get the other lace vesty thing we'd looked at, some sort of shirt for the skirt, and butter for Easter dinner. I got the vest, a pair of camis (one purple, one teal to layer) for the skirt, a third cami, and a cheap tee I found at Wal-Mart while getting butter.
I called Dan and he was still with his grandparents; he'd shown them his apartment, and his grandma (yes, this is the one who terrifies me) wanted to know when he was getting a bigger place so I could move in with him. He told her over and over marriage is not an option right now and that we're not going to move in together without being married, and she said, "You're not going to tell me, are you." ARGH!
I spent the latter half of the weak nearly sick with anxiety over her visit. I managed to avoid being around on Saturday (the one time I've been thankful for shopping!), but on Sunday it was inevitable. I don't think I have to say IT DID NOT GO WELL.
Sunday morning worship was wonderful, and short--only about an hour. My sister and brother-in-law sat with my parents and me, and my brother in law was quite humbled about the shopping trip...he'd taken my sister back to the mall at about the same time I went back because he was certain he could find her something since apparently we were blind. He was a very small man Sunday and admitted he'd had no idea. He compromised and bought a bright yellow tie, and my sister had found a little sundress with the robin's egg color and yellow in it in the form of flowers on a white background.
We came out here to my parents' for lunch--salmon, yukon gold potatoes, stir-fry, homemade bread, noodles, candied squash, two chocolate desserts...then sat around both inside and out in the sun talking. It was wonderful.
5:00 rolled around, and the part I'd been dreading came to pass--dinner at Dan's parents'. Don't get me wrong: the majority of the people who were there I enjoy immensely. It's just his Kentucky grandma I dread. And I have more than enough reason to. I'd changed from my coral dress to my tie-dye skirt to avoid comments (the tie-dye is a little more conservative) and put my ruby ring on my right hand (I wear it like a promise ring on my left; got it when I was 11), and prayed fervently that things would go well. I chatted with his local grandma and uncles and parents before we sat down to dinner, and Dan passed around pictures of his new apartment since some of them didn't know he'd moved. The moment we sit down to eat, the FIRST THING his grandma said to me, was to hold up the picture of his walk-in closet and say, "Now, Olivia, don't you think this would be a great walk-in closet for you and Dan?"
I got no hello, no how've you been, no nice to see you. I get "when are you and Dan moving in together"! At a crowded Easter dinner table in front of a bunch of people I don't know well, nonetheless!
I literally heard the safety come off my response with an audible ping. I had warned Dan ahead of time, and told him what I would tell her if something like that came up, but in one smooth move she had cornered and confronted me in front of a bunch of witnesses in an already semi-uncomfortable situation. I tried to be simple, practical, and honest, without snapping at her.
"No." I took a breath. "We're not married, not even remotely close."
Then she asked the question that sealed her fate and mine.
"Well, why not?"
Shit. Fire all batteries. Stop this attack now now NOW! In that moment, I forgot what else I'd meant to say, and said,
"Because I don't love him."
I didn't raise my voice, I didn't use a wrong tone. I looked her right in the eye and told her the truth, something she rarely gets because everyone caters to her.
She panicked and backpedaled, throwing up a smokescreen defense of how she'd meant it from a designer's standpoint since apparently everyone had told her I'd decorated Dan's place (not entirely true), and how she was sorry, I took it the wrong way. Her wording had left no doubt what she really meant.
I responded that I had too many issues I was dealing with to be close to Dan and marriage right now, given my fiance a few years ago (hard to believe it's already been four years) and what he'd done to me. I told her I was in no hurry to rush a relationship.
She said she wouldn't speak on the matter again. And, to her credit, she didn't the rest of the night.
There was a bit of an awkward silence, though it didn't last long. I was so upset I was shaking, both from standing up to her and guilt at standing up to her. I swear I heard the silent chuckles of a couple other family members at what I did, so I know I had backers.
After dinner, I helped clean things up, and pulled Dan's mom to the side in the garage to apologize. I wound up crying to release the tension and guilt I felt. I didn't want to talk to her about the whole mess I'm dealing with, because she's not the right person to talk to, and she likes to try to psychoanalyze. But she took it in stride, gave me a big hug, and talked to me for at least half an hour trying to help me sort things out and calm me down. I told her I was sorry, and how her mom terrifies me. I told her how and why it's so hard to handle what had been said, and how it seems like everyone knows better about the relationship than me, and why I can't love Dan right now. It was messy, and it took me a while to get to where I could join the party again.
I avoided the Kentucky grandma the rest of the night, even to the point of hiding in the freezing basement for a while.
Eventually, Dan collected me and took me to his apartment to unwind. I wound up bawling there, too, over the guilt and the stress of the evening, and guilt and embarrassment of bawling around him and his mother. He just laughed and held me and let me cry. He told me if I hadn't stood up for myself and said what I did, he would've. I'd told her the truth, she'd needed to hear it--everyone had--and I hadn't yelled at her. I'd likened what had happened to me having been a shaken can of Coke because of the stress of shopping, anticipation of the grandma being there, and some other stuff, and the question had been like pulling the tab. The result was inevitable. Both Dan and his Mom thought that a good analogy.
Am really glad I have today off to recover and try to get things sorted out enough for me to deal with people some more. Don't think I could take talking to strangers today...
Last Sunday, Mom bought me a new pair of shoes to wear at work since mine were agony. They fit pretty well, except that they had no padding even though they were New Balance. So I had to get insoles. That made them too small. I can semi-comfortably wear them for six hours. Beyond that, they are murder. I found that out when I went Easter outfit shopping Thursday evening after having worn them ten hours at work...added another three hours of clothes search.
Went clothes shopping with Dan Thursday evening after work for Easter. The order for choir was to wear "jewel tones" so I coached him on what jewel tones meant and he picked out a dark purple shirt. I hunted down ties for him that would go with it, and he chose a purple, black, and pink striped one that looked really sharp. Then it was my turn. We looked in every store in the mall and found nothing. I wound up going to Target, and found a coral ruffly dress with the front of the hem way shorter (above my knees) than the back (down to my ankles) and strapless. Given the airy slinkiness of the fabric, I had to buy seamless skivvies, a short half slip, and a new strapless bra since the only one I've got is black.
Work Friday had me riding shotgun in cars to take people to the back of the greenhouse property to get lilies for Easter. That was fun. I also helped unpack indoor-only grapefruit, lemon, and orange trees. The greenhouse manager has offered me 40 hour weeks during the summer when the store cuts back, and I told him he'd have to ask Dave to have me. Nice to know I'm in demand somewhere...
Saturday I'd planned to meet Dan for lunch after the last Easter choir practice--they wound up going over the stated practice time by 15 to 20 minutes--and go to Earl Plaza books, then he'd have to go to his parents since his Kentucky grandparents would be arriving and he's their perfect little boy so he'd have to be there. I got up at ten, since I'd been off and on awake since seven, and shortly after I got up my sister called wanting help Easter dress shopping. This year, instead of buying an outfit and then finding a shirt and tie for her husband to match, her husband had already found his outfit and my sister needed to match it. We got started a little after noon, and Dan joined us when he got off choir. We looked in every store (again), and she found a couple of possibles, but nothing that really fit or she liked or was quite the right color. I, on the other hand, found another skirt, a sweater, a lace vesty thing for my coral dress, and a scarf I really liked. I laughingly told them it was because I'd stopped looking. We went to lunch at BDubs after an unsuccessful search of the mall and several other department stores (at about 2:30), then Dan had to go be with his grandparents. While eating lunch, we texted my sister's husband to explain the situation and he texted back to tell her to get what she wanted, then find something else for him.
He didn't mean it.
We finally searched all the stores again, and back at the mall found her a cute strapless dress that was the last of its kind for over 150 miles. My sister tried on a small one and it didn't quite fit, but there was another lady wanting to try it on and had the larger size, took one look at my sister in the small one, and said she wasn't even going to try it. We thanked her profusely and had a dress for my sister. We looked all over the mall for a matching tie and shirt for her husband, and my sister started sending him photos of it. He started to get all childish and telling her everything looked ugly and it went on from there. We gave up on the shirt and tie and took the one tie we'd bought back to their house, where he was all but yelling at her that she wasn't catering her outfit around him and that there was no way we couldn't have found something after spending until nearly six searching. We had tried to find something, and even the dress my sister bought would go with his gray suit, but because it wasn't robin's egg blue in any form... He made her feel horrible. I wanted to hit him.
I went home and the little vesty thing I'd bought for my Easter dress didn't work, Dad didn't like my coral dress, and I didn't have anything to match my new skirt (it's teal-and-purple loose tie-dye). So I would up going back into town at about 7:30 to get the other lace vesty thing we'd looked at, some sort of shirt for the skirt, and butter for Easter dinner. I got the vest, a pair of camis (one purple, one teal to layer) for the skirt, a third cami, and a cheap tee I found at Wal-Mart while getting butter.
I called Dan and he was still with his grandparents; he'd shown them his apartment, and his grandma (yes, this is the one who terrifies me) wanted to know when he was getting a bigger place so I could move in with him. He told her over and over marriage is not an option right now and that we're not going to move in together without being married, and she said, "You're not going to tell me, are you." ARGH!
I spent the latter half of the weak nearly sick with anxiety over her visit. I managed to avoid being around on Saturday (the one time I've been thankful for shopping!), but on Sunday it was inevitable. I don't think I have to say IT DID NOT GO WELL.
Sunday morning worship was wonderful, and short--only about an hour. My sister and brother-in-law sat with my parents and me, and my brother in law was quite humbled about the shopping trip...he'd taken my sister back to the mall at about the same time I went back because he was certain he could find her something since apparently we were blind. He was a very small man Sunday and admitted he'd had no idea. He compromised and bought a bright yellow tie, and my sister had found a little sundress with the robin's egg color and yellow in it in the form of flowers on a white background.
We came out here to my parents' for lunch--salmon, yukon gold potatoes, stir-fry, homemade bread, noodles, candied squash, two chocolate desserts...then sat around both inside and out in the sun talking. It was wonderful.
5:00 rolled around, and the part I'd been dreading came to pass--dinner at Dan's parents'. Don't get me wrong: the majority of the people who were there I enjoy immensely. It's just his Kentucky grandma I dread. And I have more than enough reason to. I'd changed from my coral dress to my tie-dye skirt to avoid comments (the tie-dye is a little more conservative) and put my ruby ring on my right hand (I wear it like a promise ring on my left; got it when I was 11), and prayed fervently that things would go well. I chatted with his local grandma and uncles and parents before we sat down to dinner, and Dan passed around pictures of his new apartment since some of them didn't know he'd moved. The moment we sit down to eat, the FIRST THING his grandma said to me, was to hold up the picture of his walk-in closet and say, "Now, Olivia, don't you think this would be a great walk-in closet for you and Dan?"
I got no hello, no how've you been, no nice to see you. I get "when are you and Dan moving in together"! At a crowded Easter dinner table in front of a bunch of people I don't know well, nonetheless!
I literally heard the safety come off my response with an audible ping. I had warned Dan ahead of time, and told him what I would tell her if something like that came up, but in one smooth move she had cornered and confronted me in front of a bunch of witnesses in an already semi-uncomfortable situation. I tried to be simple, practical, and honest, without snapping at her.
"No." I took a breath. "We're not married, not even remotely close."
Then she asked the question that sealed her fate and mine.
"Well, why not?"
Shit. Fire all batteries. Stop this attack now now NOW! In that moment, I forgot what else I'd meant to say, and said,
"Because I don't love him."
I didn't raise my voice, I didn't use a wrong tone. I looked her right in the eye and told her the truth, something she rarely gets because everyone caters to her.
She panicked and backpedaled, throwing up a smokescreen defense of how she'd meant it from a designer's standpoint since apparently everyone had told her I'd decorated Dan's place (not entirely true), and how she was sorry, I took it the wrong way. Her wording had left no doubt what she really meant.
I responded that I had too many issues I was dealing with to be close to Dan and marriage right now, given my fiance a few years ago (hard to believe it's already been four years) and what he'd done to me. I told her I was in no hurry to rush a relationship.
She said she wouldn't speak on the matter again. And, to her credit, she didn't the rest of the night.
There was a bit of an awkward silence, though it didn't last long. I was so upset I was shaking, both from standing up to her and guilt at standing up to her. I swear I heard the silent chuckles of a couple other family members at what I did, so I know I had backers.
After dinner, I helped clean things up, and pulled Dan's mom to the side in the garage to apologize. I wound up crying to release the tension and guilt I felt. I didn't want to talk to her about the whole mess I'm dealing with, because she's not the right person to talk to, and she likes to try to psychoanalyze. But she took it in stride, gave me a big hug, and talked to me for at least half an hour trying to help me sort things out and calm me down. I told her I was sorry, and how her mom terrifies me. I told her how and why it's so hard to handle what had been said, and how it seems like everyone knows better about the relationship than me, and why I can't love Dan right now. It was messy, and it took me a while to get to where I could join the party again.
I avoided the Kentucky grandma the rest of the night, even to the point of hiding in the freezing basement for a while.
Eventually, Dan collected me and took me to his apartment to unwind. I wound up bawling there, too, over the guilt and the stress of the evening, and guilt and embarrassment of bawling around him and his mother. He just laughed and held me and let me cry. He told me if I hadn't stood up for myself and said what I did, he would've. I'd told her the truth, she'd needed to hear it--everyone had--and I hadn't yelled at her. I'd likened what had happened to me having been a shaken can of Coke because of the stress of shopping, anticipation of the grandma being there, and some other stuff, and the question had been like pulling the tab. The result was inevitable. Both Dan and his Mom thought that a good analogy.
Am really glad I have today off to recover and try to get things sorted out enough for me to deal with people some more. Don't think I could take talking to strangers today...