Nov 20, 2005 00:51
sometimes just being me is a difficult thing...
i am not used to being "happy" and therefore i overanalyze things to death and freak people out and then become NOT happy.
oh buttercup. i so want this to work. i so desperately want to STAY happy.
i don't want the bottom to fall out...
so why am i inadvertantly self destructing already and destroying something good?
well i guess at least i recognize it and hopefully i won't wreck this.
because i do so adore internet love affairs. :) (i'm half lying and half not)
and you know...it's almost a new year. a year to start over and get shit done and be HAPPY really and truly for the first time in about 5 years.
i think my heart panics when i meet someone splendid...because i am so afraid of being hurt.
yikes.
overanalyzing = bad news bears.
so for now, i'll stop being contemplative and go to bed and dream of boys named morgan.
don't push me away love when i am being silly. force me to be close and face reality and to tell me to stop freaking out. because i am usually freaking out for no reason.
the heart is a lonely hunter for a reason.
and now to bed to bed i said.
<3 me
ps oh kid i just don't know what i am doing sometimes...bear with me still, ok? even though i know you will never see this...just writing it makes me feel better. :)