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Well, I am back in Pompey, after a short stint at 'home' over easter/my birthday/bro's birthday/yvonne's birthday. It was really good to get out on the monday and see some of the old, and not too old faces. Also to see jess and jilly, who have been 2 of the greatest things over the last couple of years, even if I can sometimes come across as a miserable bugger to them. I went to the GUM clinic this morning to get test results and I am as clean as a whistle...whistles aren't that clean really, they're covered in spit and germs, so actually I am cleaner than a whistle. The sun has gone away now. Also, I am quite enjoying work, I currently look forward to yanks coming to buy tickets, and having a laugh with them, or taking the piss out of them as they point towards HMS Warrior and ask 'Is that the rose-mary? Can we get a quided tour on her please?' only for me to tell them that the MARY ROSE is actually just a few timbers behind panes of glass in the ship hall and they'de be shot if they tried touching her. Well, enough of that.
Getting down to the point at hand... I should be at the peak of happiness, Portsmouth is kl, the weather is good enough, I am earning money, I am with the first man I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but...I'm not terrifically happy...I am happy-ish, dont get me wrong, and I have nothing to complain about really, but I know there is more, but I dont know what, where or how to reach it. I miss my motorbike, well actually I miss any motorbike, I just wanna get on one, it's like a drug addiction and I am going cold turkey. I wanna move further west, into Devon or preferably Cornwall, but that would mean giving a lot up, as I dont think Jon would really wanna move, and I couldn't ask him to move to another part of the country after only 9 weeks of being together. Money is still a thing for me aswell, I am earning, but not much. I'm still planning on getting an SIA license (allowing me to become a bouncer or security guard,) but I wanna own some land and work off it. Any of you that really knows me, knows that I am hooked to the land, and being in a city is getting me down a little, I have no-one to go adventuring with, and nowhere really to go adventuring. So actually, the things that would make me happiest are missing from my life.
I am only young I suppose, but I feel like I am wasting my youth, and I dont know how to take me further, I need guidance, I need assistant, I need help!
I am clawing to get to Perranporth, to live, and I am pining for a job I wanna do, even if it pays pennies, it'd make me happy. Most of all I am scared I will get stuck here, and in 10, 20, 30 years time regret what I have (or haven't) done.
Getting down to the point at hand... I should be at the peak of happiness, Portsmouth is kl, the weather is good enough, I am earning money, I am with the first man I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but...I'm not terrifically happy...I am happy-ish, dont get me wrong, and I have nothing to complain about really, but I know there is more, but I dont know what, where or how to reach it. I miss my motorbike, well actually I miss any motorbike, I just wanna get on one, it's like a drug addiction and I am going cold turkey. I wanna move further west, into Devon or preferably Cornwall, but that would mean giving a lot up, as I dont think Jon would really wanna move, and I couldn't ask him to move to another part of the country after only 9 weeks of being together. Money is still a thing for me aswell, I am earning, but not much. I'm still planning on getting an SIA license (allowing me to become a bouncer or security guard,) but I wanna own some land and work off it. Any of you that really knows me, knows that I am hooked to the land, and being in a city is getting me down a little, I have no-one to go adventuring with, and nowhere really to go adventuring. So actually, the things that would make me happiest are missing from my life.
I am only young I suppose, but I feel like I am wasting my youth, and I dont know how to take me further, I need guidance, I need assistant, I need help!
I am clawing to get to Perranporth, to live, and I am pining for a job I wanna do, even if it pays pennies, it'd make me happy. Most of all I am scared I will get stuck here, and in 10, 20, 30 years time regret what I have (or haven't) done.