(no subject)
I'm in my new place. I love it. Its a bitch to heat and I'm nervous about my first gas bill but during the summer I doubt I'll have much to pay out for electric or gas.
My living room looks bare, its so huge and it doesn't have enough furniture in it but there will be more in a few days when we finish moving Jason in. I wish all this would have been taken care of earlier so I didn't have to deal with moving when there is snow and ice on the ground but at least most of it is taken care of.
I want to finish the house, like painting and minor repairs but every time I bring up something Jason shoots it down saying we have to wait for spring which ticks me off. He's probably right but still I don't like not getting my way, though I shouldn't knock the guy, he did get under the house to run wire this weekend and I really hope he doesn't get sick.
The best thing is I have my kitties. Pepperjack Cheese who likes to hide behind the couch but rolls around like a puppy when you pet him and Muffin who will come up to me and snuggle until she decides its time to eat my hand. Come spring I'm going to get a puppy but right now I don't want to have to house train a puppy when its below freezing outside.
The bad thing is I'm reaching that point in my relationship with Jason that I want to push him away from me because I'm convinced he's eventually going to hurt me or leave me. Which is stupid. Especially with him because not only is he eager to move in with me but he keeps talking about future stuff. Like stuff to do to the house which wouldn't be in his possession if we broke up. He even wants to pay off the house along with his car whenever he gets his settlement. Its sweet but I feel like he keeps throwing commitments at me that we're eventually going to regret. I think a lot of it is I don't feel like I deserve him. He's a lot better looking than me, he's a hard worker, he can fix almost anything around the house, he doesn't usually get frustrated with my moods... I could go on. The only thing that bothers me about him is we have different morals, he's a good guy for the most part but there are somethings we disagree on. The bottom line is I really don't feel like I deserve him and I worry that the only reason he's really interested in me for is my stability.
It bothers me that he seems to love me so much and it bothers me that his family has accepted me so readily like we've been together for a lot longer. My mom even seems to be into our relationship. I thinks its because the first time I talked to her after Jason and I got together she said I sounded so happy, maybe she thinks he's good for me. He probably is.
My living room looks bare, its so huge and it doesn't have enough furniture in it but there will be more in a few days when we finish moving Jason in. I wish all this would have been taken care of earlier so I didn't have to deal with moving when there is snow and ice on the ground but at least most of it is taken care of.
I want to finish the house, like painting and minor repairs but every time I bring up something Jason shoots it down saying we have to wait for spring which ticks me off. He's probably right but still I don't like not getting my way, though I shouldn't knock the guy, he did get under the house to run wire this weekend and I really hope he doesn't get sick.
The best thing is I have my kitties. Pepperjack Cheese who likes to hide behind the couch but rolls around like a puppy when you pet him and Muffin who will come up to me and snuggle until she decides its time to eat my hand. Come spring I'm going to get a puppy but right now I don't want to have to house train a puppy when its below freezing outside.
The bad thing is I'm reaching that point in my relationship with Jason that I want to push him away from me because I'm convinced he's eventually going to hurt me or leave me. Which is stupid. Especially with him because not only is he eager to move in with me but he keeps talking about future stuff. Like stuff to do to the house which wouldn't be in his possession if we broke up. He even wants to pay off the house along with his car whenever he gets his settlement. Its sweet but I feel like he keeps throwing commitments at me that we're eventually going to regret. I think a lot of it is I don't feel like I deserve him. He's a lot better looking than me, he's a hard worker, he can fix almost anything around the house, he doesn't usually get frustrated with my moods... I could go on. The only thing that bothers me about him is we have different morals, he's a good guy for the most part but there are somethings we disagree on. The bottom line is I really don't feel like I deserve him and I worry that the only reason he's really interested in me for is my stability.
It bothers me that he seems to love me so much and it bothers me that his family has accepted me so readily like we've been together for a lot longer. My mom even seems to be into our relationship. I thinks its because the first time I talked to her after Jason and I got together she said I sounded so happy, maybe she thinks he's good for me. He probably is.