Whee!
Weekend in Duck this weekend, which was very, very nice. We all laid out on the beach for a few hours on Saturday and none of us wore enough sunscreen and ended up burned as all heck. As a side note, spray on sunscreen is not to be trusted, especially in the wind. We all had stripes burned on us. My new swimsuit (a speedo from Costco!) was uber low-cut so now I have a weird tan line. As usual, it was a good time, good people, good food and (new!) Zombie Fluxx. Skipped the outlet mall this time and just went to Barree Station and got a top. Stopped at Target on the way home and bought myself a variation of this purse (and hopefully one that doesn't break like that one!) that I love. It came with a laptop case and is big enough to fit my gym clothes and a lunch in without looking overstuffed. Sold. Speaking of gym clothes...
I'm thinking of quitting yoga when this session is up (in two more classes). My feet are cramping so bad that I cried in class today (again), my hands slip in downward facing dog so I can't maintain the pose at all and I feel like I'm in my way - that there's too much of me and I can't do any balancing or seated poses because my thighs or my tummy are just in the way. And it's just so frustrating because this used to be what I did to feel strong and graceful and now it's just a punishment (hence the crying. Though that's 80% feet cramping). I don't look forward to classes, I don't enjoy myself (clearly, if I'm crying through the entire thing), so why am I doing this again? Not to mention that my current instructor missed the part where I told her that I did yoga for years before stopping my practice for two years and is treating me like I have no idea what I'm doing and clearly has no idea how to work with someone who's bigger than a toothpick. I know how to do gomukhasana, but my thighs are too big and my shoulders too tight to do it. Trying to correct me will only make me feel more inadequate. I know I'm making it all about me in a way that is completely unnecessary and quite probably untrue, but it's how I feel. I also feel like I'm holding the class back. (Class is about 8 people who've all clearly worked with this instructor for long periods of time) Mostly, I'm just embarrassed and frustrated and tired of having feet that cramp and are sore for days at a time after class. (Is this normal? This didn't happen at all to me before and both instructors have kind of shrugged at me when I've asked) It's also causing a bit of a twinge in my left ankle (well, left side really - my left hip has been hurting off and on for a few weeks) to the point where I'm vaguely considering calling the doctor for an appointment, though the thought of going back to my PCP makes me cringe inside, even if I see a different doctor at that practice. I'm also not feeling the intensity in the right places. Standing poses are all about trying to work through my feet cramps, down dog is about my hands not slipping so I don't fall on my face, my calves cramp instead of feeling intensity in my thighs, shoulder stand is about not being smothered by my boobs - I'm not feeling the joy of stretch the way I used to, though knees chest chin pose has been wonderful with my new pilates tummy. I kinda want to stop the sessions until I get down to being a little smaller so every single action in yoga won't be such a struggle (going from down dog to warrior 1 shouldn't be a feat. If my thighs were a little less wide and my tummy a little flatter, it wouldn't). This violates the basic tenant of accepting yourself as the size you are and working with your body which is to accept yourself as you are and stop waiting to do X when you lose X, but I'm just not comfortable and happy with how I am.
So yeah, I'm not sure what to do now. I'd like to create an exercise schedule that doesn't get me up at 6am and in bed by 10pm or doesn't get me home at 8pm and eating dinner at 9 (and never seeing my girlio). I also need to get a new cardio/strength training exercise if I'm dropping yoga until I have a body that can do poses and won't leave me so angry at being unable to do a proper twist.
Of course, there is secret option B which is to just stop going to yoga class and practice at home. I feel this is about as likely to happen as me getting up at 6am to go to the gym, sticking to a calorie counting website, exercising at home regularly, which is to say, not at all.
I use being tired as an excuse a lot, but I just feel like I'm too tired to enjoy my lunch time classes and they just leave me dazed for the rest of the day. Night time work means I have to rush on the train and early morning means going to bed early, which will never happen.
Also, I'm a pretty pretty princess. I actually feel like I'm in a good place for my eating for once. So, yay.
I'm thinking of quitting yoga when this session is up (in two more classes). My feet are cramping so bad that I cried in class today (again), my hands slip in downward facing dog so I can't maintain the pose at all and I feel like I'm in my way - that there's too much of me and I can't do any balancing or seated poses because my thighs or my tummy are just in the way. And it's just so frustrating because this used to be what I did to feel strong and graceful and now it's just a punishment (hence the crying. Though that's 80% feet cramping). I don't look forward to classes, I don't enjoy myself (clearly, if I'm crying through the entire thing), so why am I doing this again? Not to mention that my current instructor missed the part where I told her that I did yoga for years before stopping my practice for two years and is treating me like I have no idea what I'm doing and clearly has no idea how to work with someone who's bigger than a toothpick. I know how to do gomukhasana, but my thighs are too big and my shoulders too tight to do it. Trying to correct me will only make me feel more inadequate. I know I'm making it all about me in a way that is completely unnecessary and quite probably untrue, but it's how I feel. I also feel like I'm holding the class back. (Class is about 8 people who've all clearly worked with this instructor for long periods of time) Mostly, I'm just embarrassed and frustrated and tired of having feet that cramp and are sore for days at a time after class. (Is this normal? This didn't happen at all to me before and both instructors have kind of shrugged at me when I've asked) It's also causing a bit of a twinge in my left ankle (well, left side really - my left hip has been hurting off and on for a few weeks) to the point where I'm vaguely considering calling the doctor for an appointment, though the thought of going back to my PCP makes me cringe inside, even if I see a different doctor at that practice. I'm also not feeling the intensity in the right places. Standing poses are all about trying to work through my feet cramps, down dog is about my hands not slipping so I don't fall on my face, my calves cramp instead of feeling intensity in my thighs, shoulder stand is about not being smothered by my boobs - I'm not feeling the joy of stretch the way I used to, though knees chest chin pose has been wonderful with my new pilates tummy. I kinda want to stop the sessions until I get down to being a little smaller so every single action in yoga won't be such a struggle (going from down dog to warrior 1 shouldn't be a feat. If my thighs were a little less wide and my tummy a little flatter, it wouldn't). This violates the basic tenant of accepting yourself as the size you are and working with your body which is to accept yourself as you are and stop waiting to do X when you lose X, but I'm just not comfortable and happy with how I am.
So yeah, I'm not sure what to do now. I'd like to create an exercise schedule that doesn't get me up at 6am and in bed by 10pm or doesn't get me home at 8pm and eating dinner at 9 (and never seeing my girlio). I also need to get a new cardio/strength training exercise if I'm dropping yoga until I have a body that can do poses and won't leave me so angry at being unable to do a proper twist.
Of course, there is secret option B which is to just stop going to yoga class and practice at home. I feel this is about as likely to happen as me getting up at 6am to go to the gym, sticking to a calorie counting website, exercising at home regularly, which is to say, not at all.
I use being tired as an excuse a lot, but I just feel like I'm too tired to enjoy my lunch time classes and they just leave me dazed for the rest of the day. Night time work means I have to rush on the train and early morning means going to bed early, which will never happen.
Also, I'm a pretty pretty princess. I actually feel like I'm in a good place for my eating for once. So, yay.