Shut up, damn brain!
"Don't listen to them, the screaming of sins.
Ignore their plight, carry on.
They picked their own path, let them suffer..
Their problems are not your own, let them burn."
So I had a REALLY strange dream last night/this morning...today....well, while i slept.
Wasn't very long, but was still strange.
It was back home in Sonoma and some how we where living in our old house on 3rd street, nothing had really changed though. So like my cousins renovations never happend.
Sis was doing laundry, alot of it out in the garage and mom was in the living room and I had the bedroom that was the first door to the left in the hall.
A female was living with us, I think she was like my gf.
But sis started in with her normal BS about how she can't keep paying moms bills and that sort so told me to get out, cause that makes sense....riiiight.
But She brought up other BS, that i can't recall but it actaully hurt so I asked mom to explain to sis her problem, which of course mom agreed and talked about the completetly wrong problem.
I just remember smashing my forhead against the wall as hard as i could over and over, but not feeling anything. Sis was laughing and saying how pathetic I was and get out.
I asked her if she at least wouldn't throw my stuff out and she said no, that she's getting rid of it all as soon as she can. Which is about when I woke up, tired and highly depressed.
I mean to the point that god damned suicide was back in my head.
The scary thing was, for a few minutes, I actaully felt it was a real escape from this world.
I got over it though, I'm smarter then that after all.
But then sitting here a few minutes ago that feeling crept back while thinking about a family. I want one some day, but right now I have no clue if I ever will. Plus I don't want to have kids, when i'm too old to get on the floor and play or be too busy....Life sucks too much at times....
Eh, hate when this BS stuff bothers me.
On another note: I just hope something like that doesn't happen. My dreams have a tendancy to do shit like that and come true....
Ignore their plight, carry on.
They picked their own path, let them suffer..
Their problems are not your own, let them burn."
So I had a REALLY strange dream last night/this morning...today....well, while i slept.
Wasn't very long, but was still strange.
It was back home in Sonoma and some how we where living in our old house on 3rd street, nothing had really changed though. So like my cousins renovations never happend.
Sis was doing laundry, alot of it out in the garage and mom was in the living room and I had the bedroom that was the first door to the left in the hall.
A female was living with us, I think she was like my gf.
But sis started in with her normal BS about how she can't keep paying moms bills and that sort so told me to get out, cause that makes sense....riiiight.
But She brought up other BS, that i can't recall but it actaully hurt so I asked mom to explain to sis her problem, which of course mom agreed and talked about the completetly wrong problem.
I just remember smashing my forhead against the wall as hard as i could over and over, but not feeling anything. Sis was laughing and saying how pathetic I was and get out.
I asked her if she at least wouldn't throw my stuff out and she said no, that she's getting rid of it all as soon as she can. Which is about when I woke up, tired and highly depressed.
I mean to the point that god damned suicide was back in my head.
The scary thing was, for a few minutes, I actaully felt it was a real escape from this world.
I got over it though, I'm smarter then that after all.
But then sitting here a few minutes ago that feeling crept back while thinking about a family. I want one some day, but right now I have no clue if I ever will. Plus I don't want to have kids, when i'm too old to get on the floor and play or be too busy....Life sucks too much at times....
Eh, hate when this BS stuff bothers me.
On another note: I just hope something like that doesn't happen. My dreams have a tendancy to do shit like that and come true....