New Beginnings... again
So yea, all day today I've been writing in my notebook about stuff. Here it is. If anyone gets this and understands it, rats off to ya cause I a little lost myself after typing all this out. LoL And I know I said I wouldn't be posting on this journal, but this is kindof importiant to me.
10:50 AM ~ Its 10 till 11 AM and a lot has happened already. I got up at 7 AM with an AMAZING feeling. I was so happy and energetic, and I havent taken my happy pills yet (LoL) I think when you can laugh at your own depression, youre on the right track. Im writing this in church. Yes thats right, Im gay and go to church.
On the way here, I bought a paper to find some FSBO houses for my new mortgage license. Im going to call them tomorrow, and have a great feeling about this. Have to now that I have a reason again.
I started my Primerica business back when I got fired from Media Play in February 05. I met Terry, the person who recruited me, while working at Media Play. I couldnt help thinking about getting fired after it happen. Why me why me? Then I found Terrys card. I thought about what it would be like to do this again. I actually tried working on this back during 9/11. I was 18 at the time, and was too young to realize the potential about this. I quit 3 months after 9/11 and took a promotion at Kroger. That was a mistake, but I am finally over that now. It was a week before the end of February, and thought it couldnt hurt the check this office out. Each office is different, kind of like a snowflake. I was about to pick up the phone to call Terry when it rang. I was actually reaching for it when it rang, scared the shit out of me. It was Terry; an omen, or a sign, or a note from God, whatever. We talked for a bit, and I would come in the next day to meet Julius and see the office.
I pulled out my finest suit ($90 and it fits my dad now that not good mind you), went to the office and liked what we all talked about. I got home, got one of my Helix cigars (another story), and went for a walk to think about this. To think about the past, present, current future track, and possible future track. Then I thought about me and Andrew. I was still seeing and honestly was in love with him. I thought about us and couldnt stop thinking about it. So I decided to do it for us, for him. He didnt quite like the college he was going to, thought maybe I could do something about it, and that I want our life together to be great, to live our dreams. It was done. I then realized that I have walked past the country club, and have 4 miles to walk back in my suit.
February 27th I signed my IBA and got to work did a few appointments, recruited 1 person. I havent gotten paid a single cent for my work, but I continued to work on it knowing how happy we would be. Me and Andrew went to Momocon (Ga Techs free anime convention). I introduced him to my friends, and was so happy about it, but he didnt seem to be. We only spent 2 hours together that day, and I didnt even get to give him his BDay pressent. Our birthdays were close, mines the 25th, his is the 27th. I only saw him a rarely after that. I took him to the airport, and then to the ER. He got sick really bad one day. Then summer break came, and I found out he was moving back to PA. I didnt even get to say goodbye in person. We broke up, kept in touch for a little while, but my reason left me. I had no reason to continue at Primerica, but I still stayed with it, I know it would work out A year passed, no real work, no promotion, I hadnt recruited a single person, and only did one FNA my parents. I still went every Thursday and Saturday, but still had no reason for doing this. First time Ive said this, but I got depressed again. Its gotten better some, but only with the meds to make me happy basically. Till today.
I am sitting in church writing all this, the rock music has ended and communion has started. We were all praying during communion and all of a sudden, hurt, sadness, pain. An empathic feeling. I realized it was mom. She was upset about yesterday. She had a confrontation with her teacher and she maybe flunked out of college because of this teacher. So I comforted her, held her, told her it would be alright, and I realized, I have a reason again. I have a reason to make it work. I told her it would be ok and promised her.
4: 15 PM ~ So church is now over. I got a few numbers from there. They are going to let me sit with the, do my little presentation, gather info, that sort of thing. I was so nervous. I havent really talked to anyone about Primerica in a longtime. It feels good to now.
We always talk about the Turn-over point at the office. Its the point where something in your mind just clicks, and you start to talk about it with our realizing it, helping people out. The mindset changes. I dont want to say thats happen for me yet. Too soon to tell. But I do have a good feeling about it.
I also found a few more houses to call about mortgages. So tomorrow Ill go into the office and have lunch while watching TV (We actually have our own TV channel on DirecTV), and make my calls. God I havent done that in a long time. Mom is doing a little bit better. But now I just found out that Ashley broke up with Mark. That was a shock yet kind of expected at the same time. Weird I know. On another note, my room is depressing. Ill leave that for another time
Now ~ So much to say, yet so much already said. I am so excited about tomorrow though. Ive never told anyone about me getting depressed again, but it feels go to now. All this took about 6 pages to write in my notebook, so typing all this out was real fun. Heh
10:50 AM ~ Its 10 till 11 AM and a lot has happened already. I got up at 7 AM with an AMAZING feeling. I was so happy and energetic, and I havent taken my happy pills yet (LoL) I think when you can laugh at your own depression, youre on the right track. Im writing this in church. Yes thats right, Im gay and go to church.
On the way here, I bought a paper to find some FSBO houses for my new mortgage license. Im going to call them tomorrow, and have a great feeling about this. Have to now that I have a reason again.
I started my Primerica business back when I got fired from Media Play in February 05. I met Terry, the person who recruited me, while working at Media Play. I couldnt help thinking about getting fired after it happen. Why me why me? Then I found Terrys card. I thought about what it would be like to do this again. I actually tried working on this back during 9/11. I was 18 at the time, and was too young to realize the potential about this. I quit 3 months after 9/11 and took a promotion at Kroger. That was a mistake, but I am finally over that now. It was a week before the end of February, and thought it couldnt hurt the check this office out. Each office is different, kind of like a snowflake. I was about to pick up the phone to call Terry when it rang. I was actually reaching for it when it rang, scared the shit out of me. It was Terry; an omen, or a sign, or a note from God, whatever. We talked for a bit, and I would come in the next day to meet Julius and see the office.
I pulled out my finest suit ($90 and it fits my dad now that not good mind you), went to the office and liked what we all talked about. I got home, got one of my Helix cigars (another story), and went for a walk to think about this. To think about the past, present, current future track, and possible future track. Then I thought about me and Andrew. I was still seeing and honestly was in love with him. I thought about us and couldnt stop thinking about it. So I decided to do it for us, for him. He didnt quite like the college he was going to, thought maybe I could do something about it, and that I want our life together to be great, to live our dreams. It was done. I then realized that I have walked past the country club, and have 4 miles to walk back in my suit.
February 27th I signed my IBA and got to work did a few appointments, recruited 1 person. I havent gotten paid a single cent for my work, but I continued to work on it knowing how happy we would be. Me and Andrew went to Momocon (Ga Techs free anime convention). I introduced him to my friends, and was so happy about it, but he didnt seem to be. We only spent 2 hours together that day, and I didnt even get to give him his BDay pressent. Our birthdays were close, mines the 25th, his is the 27th. I only saw him a rarely after that. I took him to the airport, and then to the ER. He got sick really bad one day. Then summer break came, and I found out he was moving back to PA. I didnt even get to say goodbye in person. We broke up, kept in touch for a little while, but my reason left me. I had no reason to continue at Primerica, but I still stayed with it, I know it would work out A year passed, no real work, no promotion, I hadnt recruited a single person, and only did one FNA my parents. I still went every Thursday and Saturday, but still had no reason for doing this. First time Ive said this, but I got depressed again. Its gotten better some, but only with the meds to make me happy basically. Till today.
I am sitting in church writing all this, the rock music has ended and communion has started. We were all praying during communion and all of a sudden, hurt, sadness, pain. An empathic feeling. I realized it was mom. She was upset about yesterday. She had a confrontation with her teacher and she maybe flunked out of college because of this teacher. So I comforted her, held her, told her it would be alright, and I realized, I have a reason again. I have a reason to make it work. I told her it would be ok and promised her.
4: 15 PM ~ So church is now over. I got a few numbers from there. They are going to let me sit with the, do my little presentation, gather info, that sort of thing. I was so nervous. I havent really talked to anyone about Primerica in a longtime. It feels good to now.
We always talk about the Turn-over point at the office. Its the point where something in your mind just clicks, and you start to talk about it with our realizing it, helping people out. The mindset changes. I dont want to say thats happen for me yet. Too soon to tell. But I do have a good feeling about it.
I also found a few more houses to call about mortgages. So tomorrow Ill go into the office and have lunch while watching TV (We actually have our own TV channel on DirecTV), and make my calls. God I havent done that in a long time. Mom is doing a little bit better. But now I just found out that Ashley broke up with Mark. That was a shock yet kind of expected at the same time. Weird I know. On another note, my room is depressing. Ill leave that for another time
Now ~ So much to say, yet so much already said. I am so excited about tomorrow though. Ive never told anyone about me getting depressed again, but it feels go to now. All this took about 6 pages to write in my notebook, so typing all this out was real fun. Heh