I wonder who wonders about me.
It's been a crazy six months since my last update.. which, looking back at it, was only a sinpit of something I found on youtube that cracked me up.
Nothing cracks me up lately. This stint has run its course by six months. And I can tell you most assuredly, once I get back to San Francisco, I will never ever leave that city again.
I'm jobless. Unless of course you count what I do for my folks a job. But I quit the country club. For good reason, mind you, but a story too detailed to tell here. Suffice to say I was screwed. SCREWED. And it brought a tear to my eye thinking of all the work I've done there, just to be punished in the most unusual way for this industry, for a mistake that, honestly and objectively, was 10% my fault and 90% the managers. But I guess I have always been and will always be just a number, a raise, disposable. Because when I put in my two weeks, I did so as a last resort... and no one came to me and said they were sorry, and it wasnt my fault... they just swept me under the rug with everything else that is wrong about that place.
But, and on antoher note, this is the second time I have been fucked over by someone from Lawerence, Kanasas. And not just someone, a 'friend' of mine. I just want to go visit there and light the whole city ablaze. Or at the very least get a chemical water analysis done... just to see.
But it must be hard to see someone below you do better, have better ideas, get along better with practically everyone, and not feel threatened.
In other news. Debt is slowly going away. I should've thrown more money at it, but I've taken to gambling and it's taken to me. I only every now and then wonder if I have a problem. Like now, when I'm writing about it... I always go with the highest expectations and leave with the same results. I believe some call that repitition insanity. Or at least stupidity. But again, in my defense, its only because I'm bored in Tucson. Gay bars are lost on me these days. And not because of anything external.. my looks are hanging in there... and I've actually grown quite confident... I'm just kind of sick of the superficiality of it. It's like everyone lays down their cards. You know. Car, Job, Earnings, Earning Potentials. As if any of that is a true indication of self worth. But who knows, I suppose if I had any good cards to lay down I would ante up and see what card sharks there are in the water.
So I skip the $70-$100 I could spend at the bar and take it to the Indian Casino once or twice a week... and sit next to nice old ladies on slot machines or in the Bingo hall, and gab with them about how terrrible our luck is. Or how lucky we are for the moment. Because luck always passes. And we always wonder aloud or to ourselves when and what it would take for us to stop.
And I know my answer. And it isn't much.
xoxo.
_Christian_
Nothing cracks me up lately. This stint has run its course by six months. And I can tell you most assuredly, once I get back to San Francisco, I will never ever leave that city again.
I'm jobless. Unless of course you count what I do for my folks a job. But I quit the country club. For good reason, mind you, but a story too detailed to tell here. Suffice to say I was screwed. SCREWED. And it brought a tear to my eye thinking of all the work I've done there, just to be punished in the most unusual way for this industry, for a mistake that, honestly and objectively, was 10% my fault and 90% the managers. But I guess I have always been and will always be just a number, a raise, disposable. Because when I put in my two weeks, I did so as a last resort... and no one came to me and said they were sorry, and it wasnt my fault... they just swept me under the rug with everything else that is wrong about that place.
But, and on antoher note, this is the second time I have been fucked over by someone from Lawerence, Kanasas. And not just someone, a 'friend' of mine. I just want to go visit there and light the whole city ablaze. Or at the very least get a chemical water analysis done... just to see.
But it must be hard to see someone below you do better, have better ideas, get along better with practically everyone, and not feel threatened.
In other news. Debt is slowly going away. I should've thrown more money at it, but I've taken to gambling and it's taken to me. I only every now and then wonder if I have a problem. Like now, when I'm writing about it... I always go with the highest expectations and leave with the same results. I believe some call that repitition insanity. Or at least stupidity. But again, in my defense, its only because I'm bored in Tucson. Gay bars are lost on me these days. And not because of anything external.. my looks are hanging in there... and I've actually grown quite confident... I'm just kind of sick of the superficiality of it. It's like everyone lays down their cards. You know. Car, Job, Earnings, Earning Potentials. As if any of that is a true indication of self worth. But who knows, I suppose if I had any good cards to lay down I would ante up and see what card sharks there are in the water.
So I skip the $70-$100 I could spend at the bar and take it to the Indian Casino once or twice a week... and sit next to nice old ladies on slot machines or in the Bingo hall, and gab with them about how terrrible our luck is. Or how lucky we are for the moment. Because luck always passes. And we always wonder aloud or to ourselves when and what it would take for us to stop.
And I know my answer. And it isn't much.
xoxo.
_Christian_