Work
I've been wanting to write this post or some variant thereof for a long time, but I keep putting it off... I'm just so frustrated by the whole situation.
I have always hoped to return to work at my children's school once Sproglet was old enough to attend. I loved the job, I love the school and put so much investment into it back when I was working there before. It's five minutes from our house and inevitably is heavily populated by children who live in the neighbourhood, which helps build that sense of community... There were so many advantages.
Over the past few months things have changed, and I've come to the decision that it would not be a good idea for me to work there (sorry, I don't want to go into details in a public post). Obviously, I spent six weeks covering a class there at the start of the year. I could have made that a permanent position... I chose not to.
It's a huge wrench to put aside this dream, after four years of planning and hoping. It was the perfect set-up, and right at the point when I was prepared to move into that stage of my life it became a really, really bad idea. Even worse, that also means I've got to reconsider the children's future there.
This isn't a disaster. We don't need me to have a salary, thank god. I'm also confident that I can find a job elsewhere, and probably at another Montessori school, although realistically, I'm unlikely to work again until September. As much as I love the current school, most of its pros are really conveniences, and we will be just fine without those little luxuries.
Still, I feel like the wind's been taken out of my sails. Mostly, I don't feel comfortable with the fact that the children are at school, and I'm staying at home... oh, part of me loves the idea of having a sabbatical, but there's the feeling that I'm not pulling my weight in the household. There's also the feeling that while everybody else in the family gets to go out and advance themselves, I'm stuck on the sidelines. I'm supposed to be starting what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, dammit!
Anyway, that's what the state of things is for now. No real disaster but a lot of frustration and confusion as I wonder what's going to happen next. I'm sure that at the end of this year, I'll look back at this post and my unknowing self with great amusement. Hopefully this is one of those cases where a better opportunity is just around the corner.
I have always hoped to return to work at my children's school once Sproglet was old enough to attend. I loved the job, I love the school and put so much investment into it back when I was working there before. It's five minutes from our house and inevitably is heavily populated by children who live in the neighbourhood, which helps build that sense of community... There were so many advantages.
Over the past few months things have changed, and I've come to the decision that it would not be a good idea for me to work there (sorry, I don't want to go into details in a public post). Obviously, I spent six weeks covering a class there at the start of the year. I could have made that a permanent position... I chose not to.
It's a huge wrench to put aside this dream, after four years of planning and hoping. It was the perfect set-up, and right at the point when I was prepared to move into that stage of my life it became a really, really bad idea. Even worse, that also means I've got to reconsider the children's future there.
This isn't a disaster. We don't need me to have a salary, thank god. I'm also confident that I can find a job elsewhere, and probably at another Montessori school, although realistically, I'm unlikely to work again until September. As much as I love the current school, most of its pros are really conveniences, and we will be just fine without those little luxuries.
Still, I feel like the wind's been taken out of my sails. Mostly, I don't feel comfortable with the fact that the children are at school, and I'm staying at home... oh, part of me loves the idea of having a sabbatical, but there's the feeling that I'm not pulling my weight in the household. There's also the feeling that while everybody else in the family gets to go out and advance themselves, I'm stuck on the sidelines. I'm supposed to be starting what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, dammit!
Anyway, that's what the state of things is for now. No real disaster but a lot of frustration and confusion as I wonder what's going to happen next. I'm sure that at the end of this year, I'll look back at this post and my unknowing self with great amusement. Hopefully this is one of those cases where a better opportunity is just around the corner.