Call me... JUSTICE MAN!
...because I am the sole reason some fucking deuchebag is sleeping in a jail cell tonight, instead of his bed, probably crying himself to sleep for being so stupid as to be caught but JUSTICE MAN!
One might ask, "JUSTICE MAN, how did you bring this cretin to justice!?"
I'll tell you children, when people cap off their spring break by getting rediculously hammered, and happen to be stupid enough to drive recklessly down the same streets as your hero JUSTICE MAN, he makes SURE justice is served!
Since it's 5am now, I've decided to NOT continue the silly JUSTICE MAN theme throughout the post, so here's the abbreviated version of what happened.
I'm driving home after dropping a friend off at 4am, heading southbound on Garfield, and I pull up to the red light at 19 mile in the right lane. THEN, before the light turned green some wasted fuck face in a white mustang with MSU plates (which is how I connected the drunk spring break dots), nailed the two cars in the lane to my left without even touching the brakes! The two cars that got hit pulled through the light to the Wildflower Cafe lot, and I went with them cuz how often do you see a crazy accident that close without being IN it?! This broad got out of the car yelling, which made me laugh, so I directed her to the front of my car because there's NO WAY I could have hit them! Then I turned around to the mustang, and saw the guy backed up (cuz he's that drunk and retarded) to the bank parking lot. Like the nice guy I am, I figured that I'd drive over to the guy since those two cars shouldn't be driving anymore, to see if that guy was alright and to get his plates.
I got right up to the driveway to the bank as the guy was pulling out, I was hoping that he was just going over to talk with the other people involved, but OH NOES! IT WAS ON!!!! So this fucker decided to run and keep going, so I pulled a fast U-Turn and gave chase! I followed the guy halfway to Canal before I could get close enough without getting swerved into, and memorize the guy's plate number. The asshole saw what I was doing and shut off his lights, HOPING that I couldn't see the numbers--but it was too late, they were already committed to memory! I gave the guy a salute and pulled another U-Turn to head back to the cafe where I could call 911 and get a report filled out on the accident and driver.
The dispatcher was happy because I could tell her the direction he was headed, the make, color and year of the car as well as the plate number and the fact they were MSU plates! It took awhile for the cop to make it to the scene, but when he got there, he asked if I had gotten a look at the driver--which coincidentally I had, because the guy was driving like a cock as I passed him 30 seconds before the accident, and since he had his dome light on, I eyeball fucked that guy good cuz he annoyed me. SOO, with my absolutely awesome description of the guy's car, and objective POV of the whole thing, AND the positive ID of the guy's description got that dude nailed. I found out that as the cop was asking me his description they were already apprehending the guy a mile or two down the road and confirming it! They never would have got him without me because the people he hit didn't see him coming, or going and didn't even know what color the car was that hit them. If you had told them the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile hit them, they'd have taken your word for it!
How fucking awesome is that? I fucking saw a sweet accident, chased a guy in a car, helped the cops, got to tell the dispatch to point the cops at him like a movie, which lead all lead to a guy getting arrested, saw the whole thing from start to finish, and I absolutely know they got the right guy and he's fucked hard for a DUI and a Hit and Run! How often do you get to see that kinda shit, or participate in that kinduv action and NOT be the drunk, or one of the people that got their car totaled!?! I fucking rule!
One might ask, "JUSTICE MAN, how did you bring this cretin to justice!?"
I'll tell you children, when people cap off their spring break by getting rediculously hammered, and happen to be stupid enough to drive recklessly down the same streets as your hero JUSTICE MAN, he makes SURE justice is served!
Since it's 5am now, I've decided to NOT continue the silly JUSTICE MAN theme throughout the post, so here's the abbreviated version of what happened.
I'm driving home after dropping a friend off at 4am, heading southbound on Garfield, and I pull up to the red light at 19 mile in the right lane. THEN, before the light turned green some wasted fuck face in a white mustang with MSU plates (which is how I connected the drunk spring break dots), nailed the two cars in the lane to my left without even touching the brakes! The two cars that got hit pulled through the light to the Wildflower Cafe lot, and I went with them cuz how often do you see a crazy accident that close without being IN it?! This broad got out of the car yelling, which made me laugh, so I directed her to the front of my car because there's NO WAY I could have hit them! Then I turned around to the mustang, and saw the guy backed up (cuz he's that drunk and retarded) to the bank parking lot. Like the nice guy I am, I figured that I'd drive over to the guy since those two cars shouldn't be driving anymore, to see if that guy was alright and to get his plates.
I got right up to the driveway to the bank as the guy was pulling out, I was hoping that he was just going over to talk with the other people involved, but OH NOES! IT WAS ON!!!! So this fucker decided to run and keep going, so I pulled a fast U-Turn and gave chase! I followed the guy halfway to Canal before I could get close enough without getting swerved into, and memorize the guy's plate number. The asshole saw what I was doing and shut off his lights, HOPING that I couldn't see the numbers--but it was too late, they were already committed to memory! I gave the guy a salute and pulled another U-Turn to head back to the cafe where I could call 911 and get a report filled out on the accident and driver.
The dispatcher was happy because I could tell her the direction he was headed, the make, color and year of the car as well as the plate number and the fact they were MSU plates! It took awhile for the cop to make it to the scene, but when he got there, he asked if I had gotten a look at the driver--which coincidentally I had, because the guy was driving like a cock as I passed him 30 seconds before the accident, and since he had his dome light on, I eyeball fucked that guy good cuz he annoyed me. SOO, with my absolutely awesome description of the guy's car, and objective POV of the whole thing, AND the positive ID of the guy's description got that dude nailed. I found out that as the cop was asking me his description they were already apprehending the guy a mile or two down the road and confirming it! They never would have got him without me because the people he hit didn't see him coming, or going and didn't even know what color the car was that hit them. If you had told them the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile hit them, they'd have taken your word for it!
How fucking awesome is that? I fucking saw a sweet accident, chased a guy in a car, helped the cops, got to tell the dispatch to point the cops at him like a movie, which lead all lead to a guy getting arrested, saw the whole thing from start to finish, and I absolutely know they got the right guy and he's fucked hard for a DUI and a Hit and Run! How often do you get to see that kinda shit, or participate in that kinduv action and NOT be the drunk, or one of the people that got their car totaled!?! I fucking rule!