Procrastinating Life is a Bad Habit of Mine!!!
It would seem that I have been putting my life on hold for the last several years.
Maybe I'm unjustly afraid of growing up and becoming an "adult". This makes sense when it comes to the fact that I didn't really have parental guidance from the ages of 12 - ~18.
Everyone must know by now that the teacher thing didn't work out the way I would have liked, but I know that I like divulging information. Maybe I'm just an arrogant smart ass who likes to control people. I know that being a teacher would have allowed for that. But that doesn't explain why most of the relationships i have with other people (friends, family, shithead customers, etc.), I'm always the submissive. Voice of reason, but always submissive.
I won't be taking Calc this summer like I wanted to, but will be taking it in the fall in order to accomodate my Managerial duties at work. I know school comes first, but you cannot deny that $300/wk isnt worth it in the long run. This will also give me more time to spend with Sandy (even though chances are I wont be able too, and when I can, It'll be meaningless due to lack of energy on both our parts. (trust me we have been dealing with shitty work schedules for 5 years now)
Overall I'm concerned that as I'm as much a failure now as my brothers are. Dont get me wrong The Twin is as happy as a duck in summer, but he doesnt know what he wants to do with his life. The Stepbrother failed to complete his first semester of college and probably will not be returning anytime soon...or ever. Me I seem to be delaying the inevitable. Im 3 credits shy of a BS degree. ANd it is just that bs. I dont know what I want to do now, especially after idealizing the teaching aspect so much and not expanding on other options.
I could breed plants for a living. Not that difficult really. take a cotten swab, stroke one plant and transfer to another plant. Smoke a cig. Do it all over again. (I dont smoke...it was a joke and if you dont get it, ill explain it when you're older).
Oh, no one knows this aside from my Amaya, but Ive been having these mood swings that are kinda like driving through a hilly country side. I fear it may be a sign of depression. Most of the day I am somber and try to find ways to just zone out really. There are only few moments when I am truly happy but dont know the trigger. Even now as I type this, I feel kinda dead. I can here the humming, and water falls caused by the filters in my fish tanks. I can here the activity of my mice. But the inside of my head feels empty. Actually Ive realized that lately I've lost alot of the emotion a person ussually displays to other people.
Like when my co-workers are having a bad day, I smile and nod and all I can think is 'Who really cares, get over it, and stop wastig my time.' Maybe im just tired of trying to please other people. Maybe I should choose a career in which I appease the narcissistic asshole in me ( I smiled at that phrase, I hope it makes sense).
What I really need is a license to kill. Or at least immobilize, mutilate, or otherwise prove docile. I deal with to many stupid people in my regular routine. Did you know that based on my calculations, 99% of people are stupid. This means that only 1% can go throughout their day without asking a question like 'Why is there a sign on the pump that says out of service?' or 'why did you give me two 20's and a 10, when I asked for change for a $50?' (yes this sort of stuff happens to me daily)
It is hard to believe that we are currently the peak of one branch of evolution. How they hell haven't we died off yet. We should have gone extinct like 6K years ago. Neanderthals probably were ultimately smarter than us a species.
Well I think I've given up enough of my stream of consciousness for one night. I hope that I've given everyone else a reason to be happy. I know we all have a good and bad times. I hate this bad patch, maybe wednesday i will go to work and witness a miracle. Maybe my Co-Manager will have actually listened to me and made our Female Swing Shifter do some damn work. (BTW i took the MIT position, so im low end management now). Maybe I'll find $5 on the floor and feel sorry for the poor sap who lost it. Maybe I will be able to slap our Ignorant Mid-shifter for being ...well ignorant. If you haven't figured it out yet, I have titles for everyone at work so I dont use their names. I use them at work as well, so that customers dont know who im takling about when discussing co-workers with the other managers.
Now I'm actually going to bed. Glad to be of entertainment. Maybe Ill have good news with in the next couple of days.
~Kermit the Frog
Maybe I'm unjustly afraid of growing up and becoming an "adult". This makes sense when it comes to the fact that I didn't really have parental guidance from the ages of 12 - ~18.
Everyone must know by now that the teacher thing didn't work out the way I would have liked, but I know that I like divulging information. Maybe I'm just an arrogant smart ass who likes to control people. I know that being a teacher would have allowed for that. But that doesn't explain why most of the relationships i have with other people (friends, family, shithead customers, etc.), I'm always the submissive. Voice of reason, but always submissive.
I won't be taking Calc this summer like I wanted to, but will be taking it in the fall in order to accomodate my Managerial duties at work. I know school comes first, but you cannot deny that $300/wk isnt worth it in the long run. This will also give me more time to spend with Sandy (even though chances are I wont be able too, and when I can, It'll be meaningless due to lack of energy on both our parts. (trust me we have been dealing with shitty work schedules for 5 years now)
Overall I'm concerned that as I'm as much a failure now as my brothers are. Dont get me wrong The Twin is as happy as a duck in summer, but he doesnt know what he wants to do with his life. The Stepbrother failed to complete his first semester of college and probably will not be returning anytime soon...or ever. Me I seem to be delaying the inevitable. Im 3 credits shy of a BS degree. ANd it is just that bs. I dont know what I want to do now, especially after idealizing the teaching aspect so much and not expanding on other options.
I could breed plants for a living. Not that difficult really. take a cotten swab, stroke one plant and transfer to another plant. Smoke a cig. Do it all over again. (I dont smoke...it was a joke and if you dont get it, ill explain it when you're older).
Oh, no one knows this aside from my Amaya, but Ive been having these mood swings that are kinda like driving through a hilly country side. I fear it may be a sign of depression. Most of the day I am somber and try to find ways to just zone out really. There are only few moments when I am truly happy but dont know the trigger. Even now as I type this, I feel kinda dead. I can here the humming, and water falls caused by the filters in my fish tanks. I can here the activity of my mice. But the inside of my head feels empty. Actually Ive realized that lately I've lost alot of the emotion a person ussually displays to other people.
Like when my co-workers are having a bad day, I smile and nod and all I can think is 'Who really cares, get over it, and stop wastig my time.' Maybe im just tired of trying to please other people. Maybe I should choose a career in which I appease the narcissistic asshole in me ( I smiled at that phrase, I hope it makes sense).
What I really need is a license to kill. Or at least immobilize, mutilate, or otherwise prove docile. I deal with to many stupid people in my regular routine. Did you know that based on my calculations, 99% of people are stupid. This means that only 1% can go throughout their day without asking a question like 'Why is there a sign on the pump that says out of service?' or 'why did you give me two 20's and a 10, when I asked for change for a $50?' (yes this sort of stuff happens to me daily)
It is hard to believe that we are currently the peak of one branch of evolution. How they hell haven't we died off yet. We should have gone extinct like 6K years ago. Neanderthals probably were ultimately smarter than us a species.
Well I think I've given up enough of my stream of consciousness for one night. I hope that I've given everyone else a reason to be happy. I know we all have a good and bad times. I hate this bad patch, maybe wednesday i will go to work and witness a miracle. Maybe my Co-Manager will have actually listened to me and made our Female Swing Shifter do some damn work. (BTW i took the MIT position, so im low end management now). Maybe I'll find $5 on the floor and feel sorry for the poor sap who lost it. Maybe I will be able to slap our Ignorant Mid-shifter for being ...well ignorant. If you haven't figured it out yet, I have titles for everyone at work so I dont use their names. I use them at work as well, so that customers dont know who im takling about when discussing co-workers with the other managers.
Now I'm actually going to bed. Glad to be of entertainment. Maybe Ill have good news with in the next couple of days.
~Kermit the Frog