(no subject)

[kermie561]

So I put myself out there again...and again, I get pulled back. I am not upset at all... I just don't like how the situation for a while now seems to go in my favor. Do I have high standards? I mean it doesn't seem possible to aim high if you want something you go and get it. And technically, it wasn't a shoot down. It was more of a on hold but they might as well be the same thing because they feel the same. I didn't even try this time really. I was so just trying to let God intervene and do what he does best. I am not mad at the individual. Oh and by the way if someone is reading this, you don't know her at all. The amazing ability I do possess though is to put my feelings aside and be a friend without being caught up... the majority of the time. My fear is being on hold means being forgotten and then it was just like you hunh? It's like waiting all day in line for tickets and your the last one in line... you move up and then as you approach the window they have no more! You knew all along it would be a long shot but the moving line slowly but surely gave you hope. I am in no way shape or form mad... You could never be mad at someone for how they feel. It's kinda like this person was a beacon for me. I've been not having a not so nice semester in terms of school and family and stuff but I talk to this person and I felt so much better. I mean I'm not alienating this person and I hope this person doesn't leave me be. But I think God brings people in to our lives for a reason. We may have the particular reason misconstrued and not clarified but still there is a method to all forms of madness. I learn it is not my place to try and figure it out but to let God be God.

I ask for all my friends to pray for me. I really need it. I'm struggling with trying to retain my sanity. I feel on the edge so many times and I feel so close again. I'm really good at hiding it. My friends don't forget about me. I need a positive place to be right now...