Nostalgia

[kerley_q]

I have been thinking. Evan just told me today that they had their 8th grade formal yesterday night. i CANNOT believe it has been a WHOLE YEAR. A WHOLE YEAR. its incredible to me. I still have the pics up on my wall and they feel so new. but I feel like im missing out on something...that everyone else is getting everything but, whatever it is, just keeps on passing me by. Time is moving so quickly. everything has changed. anything that could change has. one year ago i was warm and safe sitting in the back of my parents volvo driving back from morristown with ellie gil char and annie. and my parents were teasing us about the guys and everyone was marveling at the straightness of chars hair. a year ago i was telling my dad after dorny park that i was never ever leaving, never ever moving. that THIS was where i was meant to be. and one year later here i am in london, in LONDON. so much has happened to me, in the space of such an achingly small amount of time. but you know what scares me the most? things like this, that remind me that time passes, and so, so quickly. Its a shock to the system. next year we will be sophmores. WE ARE GROWING UP! doesnt that scare anyone?! its just never hit me so hard until recently, its like a punch in the gut. Everything seems to be so much more complicated, there are consequences now, where there definatly werent before. but in A YEAR, its been a year and when i really think about it, a life that seemed so boring where things only happened to other people, all of them were happening to me! all of it was. the scariest part though was leaving. not just because i was leaving but because it was one of those things that wasnt ever going to happen. like graduating and going to college and having our first jobs. i mean they are all going to happen, but they are all so DISTANT- that they wont. so when moving did happen, i was just shocked. bowled over. and after that everything else started to happen. freshman year has been interesting. interesting and life lessony. i just wish that i could grow up without having things be complicated. i wish that problems could be easy, and i wish i could be ignorant. i know thats selfish, and horrible, but i dont know what else to think.

p.s- you can thank aditi for this amazing backgroud, THANK U SO MUCH BABY I LOVE U LIKE NOTHING ELSE!!!!! :-)