I might as well be speaking another language....
So as I mentioned before, I had my eating disorder support group yesterday. I love my group a lot and it helps to know that other people struggle like I do. That I am not alone. The problem is that inevitably my lifestyle comes up at some point. My 24/7, D/s Daddy/little girl relationship. My polyamory. My love of pain, how it makes me soar and for a brief moment makes me feel beautiful, strong and sexy. I mean, how can it be avoided? I can honestly say that I am NOT ashamed of my lifestyle. At all. It is who I am. But sometimes it gets so frustrating when I have to "educate" everyone when what I am looking for is support at that moment. This also occurs with my "vanilla" friends. What I want to talk about could be something like my fear of anger, but instead I have to spend time explaining what BDSM is, what polyamory is and tell them honestly and truly, "No, it does not bother me that my husband sleeps with other people. No, I am not jealous. Yes, I am truly happy about all of this stuff." Sometimes I think that they don't believe me. I mean, how could I seriously be okay with all of this? Their eyes get all big and they have that half smile on their face, nodding slightly. It would be kind of funny if it weren't so frustrating. I know what they are thinking. It doesn't take a rocket scientist. Isn't my love of pain and my D/lg relationship just a symptom of my being fucked up? Of my being molested by my father? Why would I want a man to Dominate me? Isn't that an abusive relationship? Uh, no...Work with me people! Listen closely to what I am saying to you...my lifestyle actually makes me HAPPY. Fulfilled. NOT crazy! I have known who/what I was ever since I was six years old. Going out into the Community, finding what I wanted to have for so long, was one of the BRAVEST, most HEALTHY thing that I have ever done. Can we get past all of this and actually have a celebration over this fact? Needless to say, I'm not holding my breath....