Disappointment and Beauty
I'm extremely sore from sitting in the car for 9 hours after hiking for 4 days. I am now in Idaho visiting my grandparents but before this, my family and I went up the Icicle, camping at several different lakes. It was a ton of fun, I really love my family and I love that we backpack. It was soooo beautiful up there. We got up to 7200 ft. at our highest point. I have never seen anything more gorgeous. I can't believe that so many people who live in the Leavenworth area never see a veiw like that. They are missing out!
After attending the art class last week, I percieved everything on our hike differently. I was more aware of light and how it interacted with the elements of nature, how it moved through and across trees and leaves and water. I was more aware of the depth and richness of the colors and values. It was as if a whole new part of creation was revealed to me. The whole trip made me even more inspired than I already was to paint and create and celebrate and honor creation. It was wonderful.
I am so glad I took that art class. A whole new world has been opened to me. And I have a new place to turn to for peace and quiet and solitude. Even passing by the Guild now brings a longing for peace. I hope to return to it's community and beauty again and again throughout this coming year.
Ah, yes, this coming year. I'm loathing staying here more than ever right now. This is the time of year in which people leave for college or worldly travels or, in some cases, boot camp. I have already shed tears and said goodbyes to a handful of close friends and I'm not looking forward to doing more of the same. I feel as if I am being left behind. Though I know I am not being left in the dust, that there really is something here for me, I can't help but morn the change that has come and is coming. I know that I will see some of these people again but, I also know that it will never be quite the same. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it is just different. And sometimes I don't handle different so well. Everyone says that we will still talk, still keep in touch, still be good friends, but, for many, I know this is not true. What we say or what we mean to do doesn't always happen. I met with my best friend from high school the other day. It was a wonderful visit but, we both felt the distance. We have both changed and we have to figure out how to be our new selves and still be good friends, the relationship has changed. Which again, isn't bad, just different and hard, but still good. I went away sad though, because of the distance and because I know that many of my good friends now will not be so close this coming year.
So, I am sad and I'm disapointed at present with my situation. I know that it will be better once school actually starts and I get involved in stuff and things start happening. I know that it will be good and there is going to be change and stuff happening and I will make the very best of it. But, just right now I think it's ok for me to be disappointed. I'm staying at home this year. I simply can't afford to move out and go to school at the same time if I want to save up money for the next phase of my schooling and hopefully traveling. It seems as if everything will be the same. Adventure won't be as easy to come by perhaps. All that I want to do right now is get on a plane and go to some foreign country where I know no one and start to discover and explore and create new relationships. This may sound silly, because I could do almost this very thing in the Wenatchee valley and I was just saying how I DIDN'T want to be separated from my friends. But, somehow if I were the one who was leaving THEM, it would be better, easier, less disappointing.
I don't know if that makes any sense, even to myself.
After attending the art class last week, I percieved everything on our hike differently. I was more aware of light and how it interacted with the elements of nature, how it moved through and across trees and leaves and water. I was more aware of the depth and richness of the colors and values. It was as if a whole new part of creation was revealed to me. The whole trip made me even more inspired than I already was to paint and create and celebrate and honor creation. It was wonderful.
I am so glad I took that art class. A whole new world has been opened to me. And I have a new place to turn to for peace and quiet and solitude. Even passing by the Guild now brings a longing for peace. I hope to return to it's community and beauty again and again throughout this coming year.
Ah, yes, this coming year. I'm loathing staying here more than ever right now. This is the time of year in which people leave for college or worldly travels or, in some cases, boot camp. I have already shed tears and said goodbyes to a handful of close friends and I'm not looking forward to doing more of the same. I feel as if I am being left behind. Though I know I am not being left in the dust, that there really is something here for me, I can't help but morn the change that has come and is coming. I know that I will see some of these people again but, I also know that it will never be quite the same. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it is just different. And sometimes I don't handle different so well. Everyone says that we will still talk, still keep in touch, still be good friends, but, for many, I know this is not true. What we say or what we mean to do doesn't always happen. I met with my best friend from high school the other day. It was a wonderful visit but, we both felt the distance. We have both changed and we have to figure out how to be our new selves and still be good friends, the relationship has changed. Which again, isn't bad, just different and hard, but still good. I went away sad though, because of the distance and because I know that many of my good friends now will not be so close this coming year.
So, I am sad and I'm disapointed at present with my situation. I know that it will be better once school actually starts and I get involved in stuff and things start happening. I know that it will be good and there is going to be change and stuff happening and I will make the very best of it. But, just right now I think it's ok for me to be disappointed. I'm staying at home this year. I simply can't afford to move out and go to school at the same time if I want to save up money for the next phase of my schooling and hopefully traveling. It seems as if everything will be the same. Adventure won't be as easy to come by perhaps. All that I want to do right now is get on a plane and go to some foreign country where I know no one and start to discover and explore and create new relationships. This may sound silly, because I could do almost this very thing in the Wenatchee valley and I was just saying how I DIDN'T want to be separated from my friends. But, somehow if I were the one who was leaving THEM, it would be better, easier, less disappointing.
I don't know if that makes any sense, even to myself.