two | [ 6.21.11 ]keptdownJune 21 2011, 19:35:39 UTC
Level: ✿. Trust.
❝Suzaku and I have been friends since childhood... I think we first met around age 10.❞
This is a very... very hard relationship for Suzaku to pin.
On one hand, Suzaku wants to protect Lelouch with all of his being. Lelouch dying by anyone's hands (even his own) hurts his heart like no one would believe, and the thought of Lelouch getting hurt makes want to pack up his things and either a) force himself into Lelouch's house, or b) move as far away as possible to distance himself from the amount of hurt he feels.
And, in a way, he has distanced himself from Lelouch since arriving in Somarium. He's takes measures to make sure he wouldn't have to see Lelouch unless completely necessary (because if he sees Lelouch, he has to see C.C., and then he has to go through seeing Nunnally, and that's nothing he wants to be responsible for), and while recently he went to the other for help, it didn't exactly... go well, in Suzaku's opinion. He made a mistake seeking Lelouch out for something, and he realized it too late.
Then, on the other hand, Suzaku wants to cut off all of his ties to Lelouch. He wants to stop knowing him, he wants to stop liking him, and he'd give his soul to grasp the reason why he hated him in the first place. Euphemia and Nunnally's arrivals helped solidify this feeling, and now he's... he's just unsure of what to do. Lelouch is a dangerous person, someone he doesn't want anywhere near his household, but what can he do?
Lelouch does what he wants, comes and goes as he pleases; he's not a person who can be controlled. Suzaku is starting to think that maybe it was a mistake to even try to be Lelouch's 'friend' again.
One thing is for certain, though: he does trust Lelouch -- it's a very wary, very weak trust, but it's still a trust -- with the things he must do and the things he shouldn't do. Lelouch proved himself capable of coming into the guesthouse and being nothing but pleasant to Suzaku's housemates (some friends, one not so much but Suzaku is hoping despite himself), and he's so thankful for that that he can now look at his once-Emperor and trust him to do that at least.
One day, he hopes he can trust Lelouch with his self, too. It's a step up and towards that former bond they once had (if he can call it that, because they didn't have that bond before Zero Requiem either), and it's a hope that Suzaku hopes with all of his being.
two point one | [ 9.07.11 ]keptdownSeptember 8 2011, 03:08:09 UTC
Not much has changed since then.
They're not back to their former comradeship, and they're definitely not on their way there. Lelouch is someone who needs to be cherished and held close, and while Suzaku wants to be that person (platonically, not romantically; that's a line he'll probably never be willing to cross) he doesn't want either of them to get hurt. Lelouch is a Prince; Suzaku is not.
He's just that brown-haired, green-eyed Japanese kid that Lelouch met at the Kururugi Shrine. It could have been anyone other than him that Lelouch met that day and they wouldn't be in this situation.
Then again, Fate always has that way of showing Suzaku just how stupid he really is for thinking the way he does, optimistically or otherwise.
❝Suzaku and I have been friends since childhood... I think we first met around age 10.❞
This is a very... very hard relationship for Suzaku to pin.
On one hand, Suzaku wants to protect Lelouch with all of his being. Lelouch dying by anyone's hands (even his own) hurts his heart like no one would believe, and the thought of Lelouch getting hurt makes want to pack up his things and either a) force himself into Lelouch's house, or b) move as far away as possible to distance himself from the amount of hurt he feels.
And, in a way, he has distanced himself from Lelouch since arriving in Somarium. He's takes measures to make sure he wouldn't have to see Lelouch unless completely necessary (because if he sees Lelouch, he has to see C.C., and then he has to go through seeing Nunnally, and that's nothing he wants to be responsible for), and while recently he went to the other for help, it didn't exactly... go well, in Suzaku's opinion. He made a mistake seeking Lelouch out for something, and he realized it too late.
Then, on the other hand, Suzaku wants to cut off all of his ties to Lelouch. He wants to stop knowing him, he wants to stop liking him, and he'd give his soul to grasp the reason why he hated him in the first place. Euphemia and Nunnally's arrivals helped solidify this feeling, and now he's... he's just unsure of what to do. Lelouch is a dangerous person, someone he doesn't want anywhere near his household, but what can he do?
Lelouch does what he wants, comes and goes as he pleases; he's not a person who can be controlled. Suzaku is starting to think that maybe it was a mistake to even try to be Lelouch's 'friend' again.
One thing is for certain, though: he does trust Lelouch -- it's a very wary, very weak trust, but it's still a trust -- with the things he must do and the things he shouldn't do. Lelouch proved himself capable of coming into the guesthouse and being nothing but pleasant to Suzaku's housemates (some friends, one not so much but Suzaku is hoping despite himself), and he's so thankful for that that he can now look at his once-Emperor and trust him to do that at least.
One day, he hopes he can trust Lelouch with his self, too. It's a step up and towards that former bond they once had (if he can call it that, because they didn't have that bond before Zero Requiem either), and it's a hope that Suzaku hopes with all of his being.
♞ ✔✘✘✘✘✘✘✘✘
★ ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
♘ ✔✔✔✔✘✘✘✘✘
❥ ✔✔✔✘✘✘✘✘✘
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They're not back to their former comradeship, and they're definitely not on their way there. Lelouch is someone who needs to be cherished and held close, and while Suzaku wants to be that person (platonically, not romantically; that's a line he'll probably never be willing to cross) he doesn't want either of them to get hurt. Lelouch is a Prince; Suzaku is not.
He's just that brown-haired, green-eyed Japanese kid that Lelouch met at the Kururugi Shrine. It could have been anyone other than him that Lelouch met that day and they wouldn't be in this situation.
Then again, Fate always has that way of showing Suzaku just how stupid he really is for thinking the way he does, optimistically or otherwise.
our eternity has slipped through your fingers.
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