one | [ 3.28.11 ]keptdownMarch 28 2011, 12:58:33 UTC
Level: ✿. Trust.
❝It seems that I'm at something of a disadvantage, Suzaku. It seems I've missed quite a bit.❞
This is... complicated by far.
On one hand, it's Schneizel el Britannia, who is always someone rather strange, his pleasantries always pleasant. And, on the other hand, it's Schneizel el Britannia, who is not his, making Suzaku too uneasy. He knows he has no reason to feel even the slightest uneasy (everything will work out just fine after all), but sometimes he can't help but wonder. Suzaku hides it well enough, keeping himself polite and in check.
And, despite what he wants to think, Schneizel is someone highly important to Suzaku (though mostly to 'Zero', but details). He worries about him to an extent, cares for him to a certain point, and trusts him enough to be comfortable enough to invite him to live with him and tell his things he wouldn't normally have told anyone- and, perhaps it's bad that he trusts Schneizel more than Lelouch, but that's just the cold fact of the matter. If Schneizel ever betrays him, well- he just hopes it'll never come to that because he would most certainly never betray Schneizel no matter how shady and suspicious he may seem from time to time.
Of course this matter comes hand-in-hand with the fact that Suzaku feels a sense of (somewhat twisted) ownership. Being on of the few people Suzaku will actually reach out and touch, should he ever feel that particular urge, Schneizel is rather... high in terms of people Suzaku is possessive over (though, again, it's all attached to 'Zero' and again details). It's one of those things that Suzaku will never quite be able to explain, something he admits to himself quietly- though, if it means he could surprise Schneizel he'd admit it out loud to him (as long as it was privately). But, ah, that's never a good topic of discussion, Suzaku thinks; so, he keeps that particular part of himself completely silent rather well -- save for a few implications -- content just knowing that Schneizel will always come back.
He's not letting the fact that Schneizel comes from a... much earlier time than himself displace him so much. While he's, again, a little uneasy, it doesn't come close to how much he truly does trust him (and, honestly, there isn't much [if anything] Schneizel can do to really hurt him), and how happy (relieved) he was that Schneizel showed up when he did to safely reassert a sense of reality in him.
Because, really, without Schneizel- Suzaku thinks he would have given in to temptation and moved into the mansion with Lelouch and C.C.
one point one | [ 9.25.11 ]keptdownSeptember 26 2011, 01:04:38 UTC
Six months later and he can finally say -- without hesitating -- that he isn't uneasy anymore. Slightly nervous, perhaps, but he has grown used to Schneizel's presence again (used to having him there and within reach), and there's absolutely no question that Schneizel is far more important to him than most people are.
He's noticed that while Schneizel is indeed warm, there's always that part of him that can be cold; however, he's been nothing but pleasant and cordial the last six months, and Suzaku would like to keep it that way for as long as he can. Schneizel has taken the fact that Suzaku can never say no to someone in need (especially dead little girls) in stride, so that's definitely a plus. At least, enough of a plus that Suzaku firmly keeps his mouth shut about most things and opens his mouth for others.
One thing he keeps his mouth shut about: that he's no longer just willing to touch Schneizel, but that he actually wants to touch him. These times are mostly after dreams -- and after Schneizel woke up from that sleep coma because that scared Suzaku more than anything -- but they're starting to build up and Suzaku is afraid he might step beyond the line he drew between himself and his manners. He doesn't know how long it'll take for him to want to touch Schneizel because of the little things now that he wants to after the matter of big things, but he's convinced himself that as long as he doesn't think about it, he's fine.
Schneizel may not be his, but he's there with him- and that's enough for Suzaku, even if Lelouch isn't the least happy about it. (Another thing Suzaku won't talk about: while it did in the beginning, it doesn't matter to Suzaku anymore that Lelouch is displeased with their living arrangement.)
❝It seems that I'm at something of a disadvantage, Suzaku. It seems I've missed quite a bit.❞
This is... complicated by far.
On one hand, it's Schneizel el Britannia, who is always someone rather strange, his pleasantries always pleasant. And, on the other hand, it's Schneizel el Britannia, who is not his, making Suzaku too uneasy. He knows he has no reason to feel even the slightest uneasy (everything will work out just fine after all), but sometimes he can't help but wonder. Suzaku hides it well enough, keeping himself polite and in check.
And, despite what he wants to think, Schneizel is someone highly important to Suzaku (though mostly to 'Zero', but details). He worries about him to an extent, cares for him to a certain point, and trusts him enough to be comfortable enough to invite him to live with him and tell his things he wouldn't normally have told anyone- and, perhaps it's bad that he trusts Schneizel more than Lelouch, but that's just the cold fact of the matter. If Schneizel ever betrays him, well- he just hopes it'll never come to that because he would most certainly never betray Schneizel no matter how shady and suspicious he may seem from time to time.
Of course this matter comes hand-in-hand with the fact that Suzaku feels a sense of (somewhat twisted) ownership. Being on of the few people Suzaku will actually reach out and touch, should he ever feel that particular urge, Schneizel is rather... high in terms of people Suzaku is possessive over (though, again, it's all attached to 'Zero' and again details). It's one of those things that Suzaku will never quite be able to explain, something he admits to himself quietly- though, if it means he could surprise Schneizel he'd admit it out loud to him (as long as it was privately). But, ah, that's never a good topic of discussion, Suzaku thinks; so, he keeps that particular part of himself completely silent rather well -- save for a few implications -- content just knowing that Schneizel will always come back.
He's not letting the fact that Schneizel comes from a... much earlier time than himself displace him so much. While he's, again, a little uneasy, it doesn't come close to how much he truly does trust him (and, honestly, there isn't much [if anything] Schneizel can do to really hurt him), and how happy (relieved) he was that Schneizel showed up when he did to safely reassert a sense of reality in him.
Because, really, without Schneizel- Suzaku thinks he would have given in to temptation and moved into the mansion with Lelouch and C.C.
♞ ✔✔✔✔✘✘✘✘✘
★✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
♘ ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✘
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He's noticed that while Schneizel is indeed warm, there's always that part of him that can be cold; however, he's been nothing but pleasant and cordial the last six months, and Suzaku would like to keep it that way for as long as he can. Schneizel has taken the fact that Suzaku can never say no to someone in need (especially dead little girls) in stride, so that's definitely a plus. At least, enough of a plus that Suzaku firmly keeps his mouth shut about most things and opens his mouth for others.
One thing he keeps his mouth shut about: that he's no longer just willing to touch Schneizel, but that he actually wants to touch him. These times are mostly after dreams -- and after Schneizel woke up from that sleep coma because that scared Suzaku more than anything -- but they're starting to build up and Suzaku is afraid he might step beyond the line he drew between himself and his manners. He doesn't know how long it'll take for him to want to touch Schneizel because of the little things now that he wants to after the matter of big things, but he's convinced himself that as long as he doesn't think about it, he's fine.
Schneizel may not be his, but he's there with him- and that's enough for Suzaku, even if Lelouch isn't the least happy about it. (Another thing Suzaku won't talk about: while it did in the beginning, it doesn't matter to Suzaku anymore that Lelouch is displeased with their living arrangement.)
♞ ✔✔✔✔✔✘✘✘✘
★ ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
♘ ✔✔✔✔✔✔✘✘✘
❥ ✔✔✔✔✔✘✘✘✘
❖ ✔✔✔✔✘✘✘✘✘
you can tell the sun in his jealous sky.
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