Brigit's Flame Entry- Week 4 November

[keppiehed]

Title: The Two Faces of Mari-Rin
Author: Keppiehed
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: adult subject matter
Word Count: 2473
Prompt: “Master of Disguise”
A/N: Written for week #4 at Brigits_flame. I would like to make a note that this story explores only one part of being geisha, and that it has a long and complicated history. I do not intend to portray geisha as prostitutes. To

Comments

[keppiehed]

I am so amazed by your in-depth review here! This is such a thrill to see so much thought put into something that I wrote, and I am very honored that you would take the time to send your thoughts and opinions. Let me try and address some of the questions you raised:

I actually do not know that much about the world of the geisha, nor have I read Liz Dalby (though I saw references to her in my research). I have only passing knowledge of the subject, and this piece WAY overstates what I know about it. I was concerned that it appeared heavy-handed. I wanted to strike a balance between authenticity and seamlessness into the world--something that I attempt with other historical pieces that I often know little about--but in this case the more I researched, the more there was to know, and it seemed that I got bogged down in details that I should have just left behind. I would have done better to edit myself, but I couldn't resist putting more and more in. I left SO MUCH more out, and I just bit off more than I could chew with this one. In the end, it was top-heavy and over-balanced itself.

As far as your question of Yoshino being "dead", and how that relates to being a "master of disguise" ... I hate to admit this, but you completely called my bluff on that. I was trying to work in a prompt that seemed fine in the beginning. I had my idea of how it would write out, but as the story told itself, it wouldn't go in the prompt direction, and I ended up throwing that in as a concession to the prompt, which I don't think I have ever done before. It just wouldn't work out, and I couldn't make it fit. If I didn't have to use the phrase, I would not have written that section at all. I hate to say that, because it feels like I betrayed the story and the characters a bit, but I could only work it out the best I could, and in the end, the story didn't go where I thought it would. My character was sadder than I had anticipated, and she didn't end up being as strong and "master of disguise"-like as I thought she would be. But sometimes you don't know how your characters will fully evolve on the page until you write their journeys, and in this case, the realization came too late for me to fix the prompt. So I hope it didn't feel like too much of a cop-out!

At any rate, I thank you very kindly for your interest, and your your response. I feel very honored that you took the time to read and review it, and best of luck to you in this last leg of the competition!

[pelethetart]

I have this absolute fascination with women of questionable virtue, or those who are perceived to have been.

Geisha are high on that list.
If you ever decide to revisit this story, I would be more than happy to help you with your research focus to beef up the accuracy a bit (I am such a researcher by habit it's disgusting really lol), or, I know editing has already been assigned but if you'd like me to do a formal edit, I'd be happy to.

I have often fallen victim of my characters directions. In fact, I have another story that I had intended for this week waiting to be finished because it took turns that didn't fit the prompt anymore, forcing me to write a completely different one. I absolutely feel ya there. How dare these people have lives of their own!? ;-)

Best of luck to you as well. Everyone has done some amazing pieces this week.

[keppiehed]

You are very kind to offer me a formal edit! I didn't sign up for one this week because I knew that this piece was not up to snuff, although I always welcome concrit. Whenever I know I didn't do very well, I just skip the edits, because I hate to ask other people to go through a piece so thoroughly that I am not very proud of. But, like I said, I am always open to suggestions and I welcome ways to improve myself and my style.

I am off to read yours now! And I agree; the competition has been fierce across the board this week!