A Fic for Iulia 3/6/12
There’s a crash, a growl, a moan. Dean starts awake, doesn’t know where he’s at or whom he’s with. He scans the room and finds Iulia, still up, like she always is, cleaning out her handmade sawed off. Sam is on the edge of the bed, researching. When did he fall asleep? Must have been some time after the lake. Which town were they in? Did it even matter? Floods of memory washed over him, Cas was gone. Dead. Iulia looked up, realizing Dean had finally woken. “Dean,” Iulia starts but she’s cut off by her own memories. Poor Castiel. Poor Dean. This family she’s only known for a short time has seen so much. She’s seen them lose everything. She’s over come with her own emotions and has to concentrate extra hard on packing the salt rounds to keep from crying. She’s new to the operation and refuses to show signs of weakness, the guys think it’s to impress them, but Iulia knows she’s doing it for herself. She’s learned over the years that caring is not an advantage. Snapping out of her thoughts she realizes that Dean’s come to sit next to her, helping her shaking hands pack in the rock salt. Dean knows the feeling; he knows it all too well. He wonders how she got in the business, how many she’s lost. Obviously not as many as the Winchesters, Dean wonders if anyone could have lost as many loved ones as the Winchester brothers. Sam’s come to join them at the rickety motel table. He’s muttering something about shape shifters a few towns over but Dean can’t hear. Dean’s not there, he’s with Cas, under the water. He thinks about the swampy trench coat he has stashed under his pillow. Iulia’s voice brings him back to the surface. “We can’t just leave those people out there, shape shifters are too dangerous. How long will it take to get there?” “About an hour if Dean drives, it’s all farmland in between, shouldn’t be too bad, we can rest up on the way.” Dean thinks about his first shape shifter, and all the ones that came after. Those stupid bastards never cover up their trails well enough and Dean’s always happy to put one down, feeling a slight satisfaction every time he does, maybe this will help get his mind off of his angel. In ten minutes they’ve packed the Impala and they’re on the road. Iulia in the front seat, Sam cramped up in the back taking a nap. Iulia thinks about saying something to Dean, anything, but she can’t find the words. How do you console someone who’s seen more death than you ever will? Who has felt more pain than you will ever know? Iulia knew all about the Winchesters, all about Dean’s trip to hell and Sam’s powers. She’s been informed from the start that the brothers weren’t the most stable hunters, but they were the best and Iulia needed that. She understood their brokenness, because she was broken too. No one knew why she became a hunter, she never told anyone. She lost her sister to a crossroads deal. When she was eight she had climbed too high on a tree in her yard and fallen out, their parents weren’t home so it was up to her sister to fix it. And she did, at the ultimate cost. When the time came, her sister said goodbye and “left for a road trip.” Iulia didn’t buy it, she followed her sister, watched her get ripped apart by the hellhounds. She never told anyone, but she never went back home either. On the road ever since, trying to kill as many of those sons of bitches as possible until she found the one who took her sister. Maybe this was why she felt so comfortable around Sam and Dean; they had both seen and gone through what she had. They were alike. She’d never met another hunter, let alone a pair, that could understand her pain. Of course she hadn’t told them yet. Maybe it was time. Then she opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She tried a couple more times then sighed, took a few hard swallows and started, “Dean, do you know why I became a hunter?” Dean was startled; she hadn’t made a sound since they started packing. In fact she’d barely spoken since Cas… left. He shook his head in reply. “My sister made a deal, and I watched her get taken.” The tone of her voice was could, mechanical, nothing like her usual self. Dean didn’t know what to say. He never expected that, most people never really saw a cross roads deal. He heard Sam turn over in the back seat, kneeing Dean hard in the kidneys through the cushion. “I didn’t…” he started but she stopped him “All I’m trying to say is I know. And I’m here, and if you ever needed to talk…. I can understand.” At this his eyes swelled up but he was good at hiding the tears now, an expert. He hadn’t had anyone to talk to like this since Cas, but the thought stopped there. It was painful. His face must have showed it because Iulia reached over and put a comforting hand on Dean’s arm. She knew what Dean was feeling. She knew what Sam was feeling. She was a bridge between the two broken brothers and Dean was glad to have her. They drove on through the fields, corn musk and dust perfuming the night air, the radio had been turned down low to help Sam sleep, but the faint hints of “Carry on my Wayward Son” began to play and Dean looked over at Iulia, who was staring out the window at the moon lit fields and knew that this was a new family, one that was broken, but that was nothing a little TLC couldn’t take care of, like his precious baby after the accident that landed him in the hands of a reaper. He gazed up the road ahead and promised himself he wouldn’t let anyone down again. He owed it to his angel. A single tear rolled down his face but this time Dean let it fall. In his head he made a promise, one he would die before breaking, “I’ll get you back Cas, and this family will be whole once again, and I’ll never let it break.” He slowly increased pressure on the gas and the Impala flew past the corn. At that moment a single, shadow - like black feather floated in the window and landed on the open knee of Dean’s jeans. Iulia took it, examined it and looked at Dean. They were thinking the same thing. But neither had the courage to say.
Hours later they pulled up to a hotel on the outskirts of the shape shifter’s victimized town. The Impala’s headlights inspecting everything they passed, like the search light on a patrol car. Dean parked and went to the office to get a room while Sam and Iulia unpacked the necessary items. Another feather brushed Iulia’s cheek, but she must have imagined it. Dean came running back to help and they all stomped up the stairs, not caring what noises they made, only that they got upstairs as soon as possible so they could rest. Iulia snatched the keys from Dean and ran past, determined not to be the one on the floor this time. As she opened the door her jaw, and the bags she was carrying dropped. Dean dropped everything, grabbing the sawed off and charging to her side. The sight before him wasn’t possible, he was dreaming, hallucinating. The hallucination turned towards them, casting a concerned look in their direction. Sam cautiously walked up behind the two who were blocking the door, his eyes widened and he whispered the confirmation that Iulia and Dean weren’t hallucinating from the lack of sleep. The figure took a step forward and Dean saw the moon light get caught in those deep blue eyes and heard that familiar whiskey and gravel voice, “Hello….”