Random thoughts from a troubled mind.
I started to write an entry but it was really depressing and I didn't even want to read it so I know no one else would. So I'm writing a new one so everyone won't think I'm suicidal.
Last night my roommate was really drunk(again) and I don't know why but he's really annoying to me when he's drunk. This morning when I come back from class it smells SO bad in our room I almost had to walk out because I couldn't breathe! It smelled like shit and sex. I was like, "Dude, you stink really bad, go take a shower, open a window...you're nasty" lol
I was really rude but I didn't care, there's no need to stink up the place that bad, I have to live here too.
So, ummm...about my last post. I would just like to say that I'm going to control myself better than I did at Kevin's party last weekend. I'm not proud of making out with all those people that were there, it was really slutty of me to do. I'm not a slut and therefore I'm going to try to better myself by learning that you don't have to get totaly trashed to have fun or that you have to down a bottle of vodka as soon as you get to the party. I'm going to just take my time and be more responsible and still have a kick-ass time!
Speaking of Kevin, I've realized that I have to get over him, fast. It's so hard to pretend anymore...it was really easy but it's not anymore. It as easy to pretend that we could be together or that somehow something that I would do would make him change his mind and suddenly realize that he wants only me...blah blah blah. But now I just can't do it anymore. All he talks about is how he is in love with these other two guys that were in his life and how he can't have them(just like I can't have him) and how messed up everything is for him! I want to be the one that makes everything ok but he just won't let me. I just don't feel like I'm contributing anything to his life and I want to be that someone that he goes to for comfort but that's just not how it is. Sometimes I don't even feel as though he sees me as a friend. Every time I even think about it it gets worse and worse so it's time to move on.
The problem is I have this mind set that compared to him everything else is just second best. He was everything I every wanted in a guy. That's going to be hard to overcome but I see now that I have to do it.
Woops I went into depression mode, sorry about that. Just had to get it off my chest.
This weekend I'm going to a party at a new friends house...it's going to be a pretty straight crowd so hopefully I won't feel too out of place.
I miss my friends from high school, my friends from when I was a freshman, everyone from choir and drama...Janelle, Olie, Missy, Justin, Shala, Tiffy, Brian, Julie...all those crazy people that I hung out with after cast parties and played truth or dare with...hahaha...I miss those times.
....good times, good times....
Well I'm going to go put on my mask, see you all later.
Last night my roommate was really drunk(again) and I don't know why but he's really annoying to me when he's drunk. This morning when I come back from class it smells SO bad in our room I almost had to walk out because I couldn't breathe! It smelled like shit and sex. I was like, "Dude, you stink really bad, go take a shower, open a window...you're nasty" lol
I was really rude but I didn't care, there's no need to stink up the place that bad, I have to live here too.
So, ummm...about my last post. I would just like to say that I'm going to control myself better than I did at Kevin's party last weekend. I'm not proud of making out with all those people that were there, it was really slutty of me to do. I'm not a slut and therefore I'm going to try to better myself by learning that you don't have to get totaly trashed to have fun or that you have to down a bottle of vodka as soon as you get to the party. I'm going to just take my time and be more responsible and still have a kick-ass time!
Speaking of Kevin, I've realized that I have to get over him, fast. It's so hard to pretend anymore...it was really easy but it's not anymore. It as easy to pretend that we could be together or that somehow something that I would do would make him change his mind and suddenly realize that he wants only me...blah blah blah. But now I just can't do it anymore. All he talks about is how he is in love with these other two guys that were in his life and how he can't have them(just like I can't have him) and how messed up everything is for him! I want to be the one that makes everything ok but he just won't let me. I just don't feel like I'm contributing anything to his life and I want to be that someone that he goes to for comfort but that's just not how it is. Sometimes I don't even feel as though he sees me as a friend. Every time I even think about it it gets worse and worse so it's time to move on.
The problem is I have this mind set that compared to him everything else is just second best. He was everything I every wanted in a guy. That's going to be hard to overcome but I see now that I have to do it.
Woops I went into depression mode, sorry about that. Just had to get it off my chest.
This weekend I'm going to a party at a new friends house...it's going to be a pretty straight crowd so hopefully I won't feel too out of place.
I miss my friends from high school, my friends from when I was a freshman, everyone from choir and drama...Janelle, Olie, Missy, Justin, Shala, Tiffy, Brian, Julie...all those crazy people that I hung out with after cast parties and played truth or dare with...hahaha...I miss those times.
....good times, good times....
Well I'm going to go put on my mask, see you all later.