It's Raining... And Well, Let's Face It; THAT'S Never Good
I'm crying. Because I'm really sad. And I don't have anyone's shoulder to cry on. And I feel all alone in this world. And I'm wallowing in self-pity. And I'm angsty like a year five Harry Potter book. :( Yeah. It's that bad.
So I've blogged about my bestfriend/sister or whatever on numerous occasions so you should know how much I adore her. Well remember a few entries back, when I re-posted my ALL ABOUT LULU blog? Well, in it I mentioned how she and Gabby used to be friends and how they stopped being friends. And NOW they've decided they want to work on their friendship and get back to where they used to be.
I feel like I'm totally being put on the back, back burner. Yes. I said back twice. Lulu has been dating Jordan...
-Had to pause; Lulu just came in caught me crying. Luckily, I minimized the window. Really quick. She's demanding to know why I'm crying. I lied, of course. Like I'd tell her. Pftttt. Back to the post though...-
Lulu has been dating Jordan for a few months. In August it'll be a year. I'm happy for them. Honest. Scout's Honor. I love Jordan like a brother. But with him, Lulu kindabut not really put me on the back burner for him. She's with him most of the time; if she and I disagree, I know she goes to him and they might talk about me or whatever... I don't know man.
But now with Gabby coming back into the picture, I know I'm about to be World History. They've already started dedicating Facebook statuses to each other, tagging each other in one another's post. It's disgusting. And I'm overwhelmingly jealous. I admit it. So what.
No one has Lulu's back the way I do. And honestly, I'm a mean personwho's really nice and I distance myself from others. I'm not a 'people person' so Lulu is like one of my closest friends. I've got plenty, but Lulu's the only one I'd still be friends with at the age of 65 [God willing we make it that far]. So I get really upset when she disregards me like yesterday's newspaper. She doesn't necessarily do it on purpose. As far as I'm concerned, she may not disregard me at all. I'm known to overreact. But I really don't think I am this time... For real.
But I'm scared that I'll be forgotten. I lost my last best friend [Amanda] to a similar situation. A relationship that was apparently more important than a good friend. Naturally [insert evil laughter here]just kidding, the relationship didn't work out and she is currently friendless. But I'm not that heartless; I check up on her from time to time.
Point is... I don't WANNA be forgotten. Because without Lulu, no matter HOW MANY other friends surround me, I'll feel like I'm all alone. And I know from experience that it's the worst thing in the world. I spent three-fourths of my childhood [which ended when I got to high school] alone. My day consisted of trying to hang with my older brothers who are 7 and 8 yrs older than me. And when they wouldn't let me hang, I just read a book. Which is why I love to read so much now. High school changed that; because of basketball and Lulu. And I don't wanna go back. I'll feel empty.
Ahh. Here come the waterworks.
And now I can't stop crying. And I feel like a total wuss.
:'(
That is all.