as each day goes by, it makes the way for another
m&ms are just dangerous things to have around at my house. i think this is why i don't buy them too often.
m&ms and ice cream.
a dangerous combination, to be sure.
***
This happened sometime last autumn, i think somewhere in the middle of it, though it could have been earlier. I was sitting by the window watching the red and orange leaves dance around to the whim of the wind, with a whole day in front of me to waste in whatever way i wanted. It was the kind of freedom i didn't often get, and i wasn't about to ruin it by making plans or being too active, but there was something lingering about in the air like a job left undone, and i knew i'd have to get it out of the way before i could really start enjoying my day.
I had to rummage around in the spare room for a while searching, but eventually i found it hiding behind an old box of books i always meant to unpack and sort properly. As far as kites went it wasn't particularly impressive, but it had made me happy a few times in the past, and i figured that was all i really needed from a kite anyway. The blue had faded over time and it was a bit ruffled and bent, but after i spent a little time on it i knew it would play about in the sky for me one last time.
I took a big black texta, wrote a single name on the main face of the kite, and then went outside. It took a little bit of doing because it was getting old and a bit dusty, but finally i managed to get the kite up in the air, a sight that brought with it a feeling of freedom that didn't really feel like my own. When it was up there flying in it's own kind of carefree way, and i was stuck firmly on the ground, a kind of coldness filled me in a way i couldn't really describe, like a robot unsure of feelings it wasn't even programmed to have.
I took my little red pocket knife out, cut the string on the kite, and watched it fade off into the distance, dancing around as whimsically as the leaves i had watched earlier. Along with it i sent out a single word on the wind, feeling as though i could almost see the letters themselves as they gently floated up and away, destined for places they would never be heard. But it was better like this, i thought.
"さようなら"
***
I feel like i'm probably the healthiest i've ever been in my life, and yet i still feel like i'm not really in great shape, like i've been slacking the last few years or something.
i think because i'm now training for specific strengths and abilities, and not just training for training's sake, that i'm finally making progress.
but whatever. progress is progress, even if it's one step at a time.
---
'there's an angel on the floor it's getting colder'
m&ms and ice cream.
a dangerous combination, to be sure.
***
This happened sometime last autumn, i think somewhere in the middle of it, though it could have been earlier. I was sitting by the window watching the red and orange leaves dance around to the whim of the wind, with a whole day in front of me to waste in whatever way i wanted. It was the kind of freedom i didn't often get, and i wasn't about to ruin it by making plans or being too active, but there was something lingering about in the air like a job left undone, and i knew i'd have to get it out of the way before i could really start enjoying my day.
I had to rummage around in the spare room for a while searching, but eventually i found it hiding behind an old box of books i always meant to unpack and sort properly. As far as kites went it wasn't particularly impressive, but it had made me happy a few times in the past, and i figured that was all i really needed from a kite anyway. The blue had faded over time and it was a bit ruffled and bent, but after i spent a little time on it i knew it would play about in the sky for me one last time.
I took a big black texta, wrote a single name on the main face of the kite, and then went outside. It took a little bit of doing because it was getting old and a bit dusty, but finally i managed to get the kite up in the air, a sight that brought with it a feeling of freedom that didn't really feel like my own. When it was up there flying in it's own kind of carefree way, and i was stuck firmly on the ground, a kind of coldness filled me in a way i couldn't really describe, like a robot unsure of feelings it wasn't even programmed to have.
I took my little red pocket knife out, cut the string on the kite, and watched it fade off into the distance, dancing around as whimsically as the leaves i had watched earlier. Along with it i sent out a single word on the wind, feeling as though i could almost see the letters themselves as they gently floated up and away, destined for places they would never be heard. But it was better like this, i thought.
"さようなら"
***
I feel like i'm probably the healthiest i've ever been in my life, and yet i still feel like i'm not really in great shape, like i've been slacking the last few years or something.
i think because i'm now training for specific strengths and abilities, and not just training for training's sake, that i'm finally making progress.
but whatever. progress is progress, even if it's one step at a time.
---
'there's an angel on the floor it's getting colder'