Fic: If, Kensei/Shuuhei, PG-13
Title: If
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Sakura Festival
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to ... However, I do own many of the wrongs :D
Word Count: 615
Summary: Kensei catches Shuuhei off-guard
A/N: It's been... a while since I wrote, and I tend to find it hard to write these two, but I love it anyways *lol* I hope it's not too bad ;-) Also, I seem to like to write a lot of narrative for this pairing *shrugs* :-)
He doesn’t know I’m watching him.
I know this because of the way he’s standing on the hill in front of the trees - loose-limbed and at ease, his eyes wide in undisguised awe at the sakura display in front of him, a living mural of nature at her best. It’s a side of him I rarely get to see - when we’re together I can tell he’s constantly on edge, second-guessing us both, permanently worried he’ll do or say something that’ll make me angry or upset or, worse, abandon him again. I keep my reiatsu hidden, wanting to watch him for as long as I can, wanting to enjoy seeing him like this.
He tries to keep it shut up inside, but it only serves to make it all the more obvious when he finally lets go, when he shudders in my arms in the dark of night and releases his hold on the tears we both pretend we haven’t seen. That he allows me to do this, that he feels as safe as he can in my company, doesn’t pass me by and it makes me feel content, but tainted with reservation. I can’t say for sure that I won’t leave at some point in the future, that something won’t come up where I have to choose between him and me. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never let anyone else come between me and myself - but as each day passes that we’re together it becomes more and more difficult to imagine myself walking away.
It exhausts him, keeping all the masks that he has in place. When I see him with his squad members, it’s as if I’m seeing a different person - confident, authoritative, and unwavering in his beliefs. Most of the squad looks up to him with obvious admiration, and everyone else sees him as a solid, dependable member of the Gotei 13.
Not that he isn’t, mind you. The things he has had to weather through have been relentless - from the ill-fated incident at the Academy through the defection of his captain, the one person he thought he could trust implicitly, only made worse by being the one who dealt the killing blow when it came obvious his treachery was deliberate and irreversible. That kid is nothing if not responsible and bound to duty - sometimes to a fault. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve turned up at his quarters and been met with a flash of embarrassment and a mumbled apology that the time had escaped him, his work having taken up all his focus. Then the ball in is my court, to provide the necessary assurances that no harm was done, that no action was taken wrongly and that all had not been lost.
Suddenly, I realize that he’s noticed me, and I watch as he turns, surprised, and our eyes meet. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, and I can’t help but return it as I make my way over to him, still smiling. Our shoulders touch as I move closer, and I feel him tense up momentarily, and then relax. It’s just me, his body seems to say as he recognizes me and lets me in, his reiatsu becoming less defensive as he relaxes into my touch, my hands large against his small frame.
He sighs as I wrap my arms around him from behind, and he leans back into my chest, and I want nothing more than to stay like this, to forget about duty and responsibility and all of that.
However, I know I can’t - I know that he wouldn’t let me.
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Sakura Festival
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to ... However, I do own many of the wrongs :D
Word Count: 615
Summary: Kensei catches Shuuhei off-guard
A/N: It's been... a while since I wrote, and I tend to find it hard to write these two, but I love it anyways *lol* I hope it's not too bad ;-) Also, I seem to like to write a lot of narrative for this pairing *shrugs* :-)
He doesn’t know I’m watching him.
I know this because of the way he’s standing on the hill in front of the trees - loose-limbed and at ease, his eyes wide in undisguised awe at the sakura display in front of him, a living mural of nature at her best. It’s a side of him I rarely get to see - when we’re together I can tell he’s constantly on edge, second-guessing us both, permanently worried he’ll do or say something that’ll make me angry or upset or, worse, abandon him again. I keep my reiatsu hidden, wanting to watch him for as long as I can, wanting to enjoy seeing him like this.
He tries to keep it shut up inside, but it only serves to make it all the more obvious when he finally lets go, when he shudders in my arms in the dark of night and releases his hold on the tears we both pretend we haven’t seen. That he allows me to do this, that he feels as safe as he can in my company, doesn’t pass me by and it makes me feel content, but tainted with reservation. I can’t say for sure that I won’t leave at some point in the future, that something won’t come up where I have to choose between him and me. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never let anyone else come between me and myself - but as each day passes that we’re together it becomes more and more difficult to imagine myself walking away.
It exhausts him, keeping all the masks that he has in place. When I see him with his squad members, it’s as if I’m seeing a different person - confident, authoritative, and unwavering in his beliefs. Most of the squad looks up to him with obvious admiration, and everyone else sees him as a solid, dependable member of the Gotei 13.
Not that he isn’t, mind you. The things he has had to weather through have been relentless - from the ill-fated incident at the Academy through the defection of his captain, the one person he thought he could trust implicitly, only made worse by being the one who dealt the killing blow when it came obvious his treachery was deliberate and irreversible. That kid is nothing if not responsible and bound to duty - sometimes to a fault. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve turned up at his quarters and been met with a flash of embarrassment and a mumbled apology that the time had escaped him, his work having taken up all his focus. Then the ball in is my court, to provide the necessary assurances that no harm was done, that no action was taken wrongly and that all had not been lost.
Suddenly, I realize that he’s noticed me, and I watch as he turns, surprised, and our eyes meet. A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, and I can’t help but return it as I make my way over to him, still smiling. Our shoulders touch as I move closer, and I feel him tense up momentarily, and then relax. It’s just me, his body seems to say as he recognizes me and lets me in, his reiatsu becoming less defensive as he relaxes into my touch, my hands large against his small frame.
He sighs as I wrap my arms around him from behind, and he leans back into my chest, and I want nothing more than to stay like this, to forget about duty and responsibility and all of that.
However, I know I can’t - I know that he wouldn’t let me.