The Open Doors
"When a door of opportunity closes one opens, we just spend so much time look at a closed door to notice the open one." -unknown-
I have neglected writing in this thing for almost a month. Ever since the last time Krystal was here I wanted to write, but after that day I could not trust my own fingers to type here. I couldn't trust my self to comment on the day’s events. Actually for this whole month I have done nothing at all except work and play ff7 and uo. An attempt to not think about anything.Also the more I neglected to do anything is the more I started to become irate with myself which intern filtered into the lives of the people around me. For that I am sorry. I am also sorry that I didn't want to see what was so clear to me. I realize that of the 3 main people that I can talk to about anything, 1 I haven’t confided in since the whole Swen and Shrene fiasco. One I am so displeased with then at the moment that I don't really talk to at all, and the other well they just don't understand me at the moment. As far back as I can tell there was one other person who I thought trusted me and during the whole Swen thing I was shown that, that trust was only apparent during the good times because soon as shit went bad so did there view of me. All this is doesn’t matter now though. I seem that I have had drama with everyone at one point or another, which means that I was too involved. So now I do nothing. I guess I have embraced the worst of two worlds instead of being in the mix I am left out. I also realized that I am not very relevant here. Bye that I mean that I don't seem to have a purpose. I grow tired of setting on the outside looking in, yet I don't feel as if I belong on the inside. There has been 2 times in my life that I have wanted something, and I mean really wanted something that I could never have. I guess that is my flaw, I seem to be looking at stars, reaching for them even, everyone knows that I can NEVER reach them but because of there beauty who can really blame me. Then again something as tainted as me could only corrupt something as amazing as a star. So I guess I am done stargazing. As a matter a fact I think I am just done. I think that I have giving everything that I have to give. I don't think there is anymore that I can do. I took so long looking at closed doors that I have missed all my open ones. I don’t even know why I am typing any of this I doubt anyone cares anyway. I mean one person I know doesn’t even contact me unless they are waiting for something else to happen. I can't be a bookmark anymore. I guess I am as worthless as I’ve been saying because no one has proved me wrong yet.
-Mike
I have neglected writing in this thing for almost a month. Ever since the last time Krystal was here I wanted to write, but after that day I could not trust my own fingers to type here. I couldn't trust my self to comment on the day’s events. Actually for this whole month I have done nothing at all except work and play ff7 and uo. An attempt to not think about anything.Also the more I neglected to do anything is the more I started to become irate with myself which intern filtered into the lives of the people around me. For that I am sorry. I am also sorry that I didn't want to see what was so clear to me. I realize that of the 3 main people that I can talk to about anything, 1 I haven’t confided in since the whole Swen and Shrene fiasco. One I am so displeased with then at the moment that I don't really talk to at all, and the other well they just don't understand me at the moment. As far back as I can tell there was one other person who I thought trusted me and during the whole Swen thing I was shown that, that trust was only apparent during the good times because soon as shit went bad so did there view of me. All this is doesn’t matter now though. I seem that I have had drama with everyone at one point or another, which means that I was too involved. So now I do nothing. I guess I have embraced the worst of two worlds instead of being in the mix I am left out. I also realized that I am not very relevant here. Bye that I mean that I don't seem to have a purpose. I grow tired of setting on the outside looking in, yet I don't feel as if I belong on the inside. There has been 2 times in my life that I have wanted something, and I mean really wanted something that I could never have. I guess that is my flaw, I seem to be looking at stars, reaching for them even, everyone knows that I can NEVER reach them but because of there beauty who can really blame me. Then again something as tainted as me could only corrupt something as amazing as a star. So I guess I am done stargazing. As a matter a fact I think I am just done. I think that I have giving everything that I have to give. I don't think there is anymore that I can do. I took so long looking at closed doors that I have missed all my open ones. I don’t even know why I am typing any of this I doubt anyone cares anyway. I mean one person I know doesn’t even contact me unless they are waiting for something else to happen. I can't be a bookmark anymore. I guess I am as worthless as I’ve been saying because no one has proved me wrong yet.
-Mike