life is hard, yah is good
so whenever things get hard, i think about a scene from one of the mission impossible movies. hunt says that a certain mission will be difficult, his superior replies that this is mission impossible so difficult should be a walk in the park.
i feel as though i am being torn away from the world around me. as if to be set apart for something fresh and new. I have grown a lot in my relationship with yhvh. i have learned the importance of expelling all things pagan and evil from my life. this knowledge has created a larger gap between me and those around me and an even greater greater gap between me and the world. I want to be holy, no fuck being holy, i want to be set apart... set apart like the saints like isra'el like yshua. but i don't want to be alone. the longer i go on, the more alone i feel. i know i am not alone, but that is how i feel.
classes are hard this semester, my new major requires work. work i am not used to. what happened to the days of listening in class and acing the test? why cant i do that anymore? i am taking a greek and roman epic class this semester... how the heck do i not say the names of other mighty ones if i am reading and discussing the iliad? it seems impossible.
why is the best food bacon, shrimp, and lobster? is it because i am not supposed to have it? btw it is hard to tell people that i am not doing something because OUR el told us not to (implying they simply are not following him at all) and not come across as a self righteous pompous prick? how can i say that i cannot do something Eff-day because it is the sabbath and not look like a freak. i mean people think that "jesus got rid of it and changed it to sunday" ... i dont even know where to begin. i dont have to preach and teach to everyone especially not on my journal.
My girlfriend... stress is getting the best of her. she used to be fun all the time. now she is only fun when she is not stressed out. and i get worse too because i use other people's energy as fuel for myself. things are getting hard for us. both of us are growing and changing. it is getting harder to change and grow in similar directions. we seem to be going in different directions at the present. she is wonderful. i thank el that i have her. if that her load were easier to bear. i love her so much. i think we should be together btw. we are doing good for each other. ps. i am not controlling.
yhvh is good halleluyah.
i feel as though i am being torn away from the world around me. as if to be set apart for something fresh and new. I have grown a lot in my relationship with yhvh. i have learned the importance of expelling all things pagan and evil from my life. this knowledge has created a larger gap between me and those around me and an even greater greater gap between me and the world. I want to be holy, no fuck being holy, i want to be set apart... set apart like the saints like isra'el like yshua. but i don't want to be alone. the longer i go on, the more alone i feel. i know i am not alone, but that is how i feel.
classes are hard this semester, my new major requires work. work i am not used to. what happened to the days of listening in class and acing the test? why cant i do that anymore? i am taking a greek and roman epic class this semester... how the heck do i not say the names of other mighty ones if i am reading and discussing the iliad? it seems impossible.
why is the best food bacon, shrimp, and lobster? is it because i am not supposed to have it? btw it is hard to tell people that i am not doing something because OUR el told us not to (implying they simply are not following him at all) and not come across as a self righteous pompous prick? how can i say that i cannot do something Eff-day because it is the sabbath and not look like a freak. i mean people think that "jesus got rid of it and changed it to sunday" ... i dont even know where to begin. i dont have to preach and teach to everyone especially not on my journal.
My girlfriend... stress is getting the best of her. she used to be fun all the time. now she is only fun when she is not stressed out. and i get worse too because i use other people's energy as fuel for myself. things are getting hard for us. both of us are growing and changing. it is getting harder to change and grow in similar directions. we seem to be going in different directions at the present. she is wonderful. i thank el that i have her. if that her load were easier to bear. i love her so much. i think we should be together btw. we are doing good for each other. ps. i am not controlling.
yhvh is good halleluyah.