(no subject)
Over the past year or so things have been going relatively good for me...particularly over the last 3 months...I don't care to get into the specific details(since it partly involves finances)...I think there should be some degree of privacy...and I NEVER discuss finances w/ anyone...nothing good can ever come of it....But this is all beside the point....things have been good. Yet I'm still me. I'm still feeling depressed and filled w/ anxiety. It's been ages since I've had a full on anxiety attack, but I was damn close to one coming home from work on the subway the other night. I'm consumed by thoughts of darkness.....On the weekends I drink like a fish and do substances which should have put me in the ground by now...all w/out a care..I mean this in all honesty/w out A FUCKING CARE.....I have so much inner rage built up inside me and utter contempt for the world in general. Sometimes I believe that I wouldn't care if the seas rose up and drowned all that writhed on these wretched fucking continents.....I really have no idea what is wrong w/ me...and I can't fucking believe I'm typing this shit.....Disregard everything I just said.