Cursed Missed Opportunities
Some of you may have noticed I haven't been myself lately. For this I am sorry. Many of you might think it's because of the early exit of the Red Sox from the post season, others may think it's because of troubles with classes...but really, neither of those are the case. With the red sox, I still have 2004 and my two DVDs of the season, one from the MLB, the other one from NESN. All my classes I have A's in except for one I believe, so that's not the issue either. For those who have been around me for the past two weeks, know all too well what has been troubling me.
You see, there's this chick that I have taken a liking to. The only problem is she's been hanging around with us a lot more this semester, which isn't a bad thing at all, but it means that if I'm going to ask her on a date, I could be risking the social well being of our little microcosm. What I mean is this, what if I ask her on a date, and worse case is she says no? This means that whenever we go out as a group there will be tension, and nobody wants that. The other case is that we go on a few dates, but it doesn't work out, what then? Still tension will be there. So after contemplating this for a few weeks, I finally decide that I'm going to ask her at the football game (she loves football) on Saturday the 29th. I had it all worked out. I made decisions, when and where I was going to ask her, where I was going to take her, whose car I was going to borrow...I had it all lined up...I had a plan. This was going to work because I had a plan. When I say work I don't mean she was going to necessarily say yes, but I mean I wasn't gong to chicken out. Most guys go into this sort of thing without a plan, so they chicken out. It's like going into a calculus test without knowing what a derivative is, you might get lucky and pass, but you will probably fail. It is the same thing with asking a girl on a date. If you don't have a plan, you might get lucky and blurt out the question awkwardly, but you will probably fail and just wimp out. Well I was prepared. I was going to ask the question no matter what, I was prepared for whatever answer she was going to give, and that would have been fine. What I wasn't prepared for was the news I received at 1:30 this past Wednesday afternoon.
During my weekly lunch meeting with Brenda this Wednesday, she starts the conversation with this statement: "Kenny, I have some bad news." Now, since you're reading this, you know me, and since you know me, you know how I always seem to get thrown a curveball when I'm expecting a fastball down the middle. Knowing this...I want all of you who don't already know to take a guess as to what Brenda said to me next. Just think of whose blog you're reading, remember this is only three days before the intended day of asking the question, and you should have no trouble guessing what Brenda said next. After a short pause, she tells me that this past weekend, while at home, Kelley went on a date. Did you guess correctly? Would you expect anything different to have happened to me just three days before? I was so shocked. It was like somebody shot me with a diamond bullet right through my forehead...but I shouldn't have been that shocked. After being a red sox fan for so long, I should know that things will go wrong right when everything seems to be right. Well Wednesday at 1:29 pm, everything seemed to be so right, but Wednesday at 1:30 pm, everything turned horribly wrong. It's as if I were re-watching Grady Little leave in Pedro Martinez for the eighth inning with five outs to go before the World Series, and then everything that seemed so right, turned so wrong within minutes.
It really seems like there are forces in this world that don't want me to be happy right now. Either that, or I was just too happy prior to Wednesday, so in an attempt to neutralize the happiness to misery ratio, the powers above us have pulled this fast one on me. Of course this could just be the work of Satan. There appears to be a few sinister things at work here. One is whoever this asshole is who asked her out. Even though he has no idea who I am, he is still a force against me, and little does he know that he has just made a very bitter enemy. I don't even know him, but I hate him. That's right, it's a hideous four letter word that is very extreme, but I do hate him. I hate him so much, that I want nothing more than for him to disappear forever. And I don't mean like, a hit man picking him off or anything, I mean I want him to disappear physically and from everybody's memories. In short, I wish he was never born. There is some other intangible force at work here too. The fact that this all happened only a week before I was going to make my move has to be some kind of manifestation of the evil against me. If it were not, then this would have happened back in September, when I still wasn't sure if I was even going to ask her out, not one week before the day I decided to do so.
I know I'm partly to blame for this. I could have asked her earlier in the month, I could have asked her back in September, and then none of this would have been an issue. I would have known one way or another if I was going to be in a relationship with this girl. It's a cursed missed opportunity. But my reason for waiting was something I felt justified in doing. It wasn't just because I was too much of a pussy to make the move; it was to weigh out the consequences of my asking her on the social dynamics of our little group, something that is far more important to me than a date.
So here it is, Saturday the 29th. Instead of being at the football game, asking this girl on a date, I am sitting here in my room, watching the game on television, going on an emotional roller coaster ride moving back and forth between deep depression, and extreme anger. Speaking of roller coasters...the girl I was supposed to ask out today, is at six flags Atlanta with my new mortal enemy, instead of at the football game being unexpectedly asked on a date by yours truly. I don't want to move, I don't want to study, I just want to sleep in the hopes that what I dream about will be happy enough to take away from this depression, but most of all, I want to punch the wall until my fingers break and bleed in the hopes that it will put my concentration on the pain in my bleeding hand rather than on the pain in my bleeding heart.
Some of you might think I'm over reacting. Normally I'd say yes, I am over reacting, but there's something different here. If it were any other girl, I'd probably just get pissed off for a day or two, and then just say "fuck it." But I can't just say fuck it; I put too much effort into this. I want her to know how much effort I put into this, but most of all, I want the peace of mind to know whether or not she would have said yes or no.
You see, there's this chick that I have taken a liking to. The only problem is she's been hanging around with us a lot more this semester, which isn't a bad thing at all, but it means that if I'm going to ask her on a date, I could be risking the social well being of our little microcosm. What I mean is this, what if I ask her on a date, and worse case is she says no? This means that whenever we go out as a group there will be tension, and nobody wants that. The other case is that we go on a few dates, but it doesn't work out, what then? Still tension will be there. So after contemplating this for a few weeks, I finally decide that I'm going to ask her at the football game (she loves football) on Saturday the 29th. I had it all worked out. I made decisions, when and where I was going to ask her, where I was going to take her, whose car I was going to borrow...I had it all lined up...I had a plan. This was going to work because I had a plan. When I say work I don't mean she was going to necessarily say yes, but I mean I wasn't gong to chicken out. Most guys go into this sort of thing without a plan, so they chicken out. It's like going into a calculus test without knowing what a derivative is, you might get lucky and pass, but you will probably fail. It is the same thing with asking a girl on a date. If you don't have a plan, you might get lucky and blurt out the question awkwardly, but you will probably fail and just wimp out. Well I was prepared. I was going to ask the question no matter what, I was prepared for whatever answer she was going to give, and that would have been fine. What I wasn't prepared for was the news I received at 1:30 this past Wednesday afternoon.
During my weekly lunch meeting with Brenda this Wednesday, she starts the conversation with this statement: "Kenny, I have some bad news." Now, since you're reading this, you know me, and since you know me, you know how I always seem to get thrown a curveball when I'm expecting a fastball down the middle. Knowing this...I want all of you who don't already know to take a guess as to what Brenda said to me next. Just think of whose blog you're reading, remember this is only three days before the intended day of asking the question, and you should have no trouble guessing what Brenda said next. After a short pause, she tells me that this past weekend, while at home, Kelley went on a date. Did you guess correctly? Would you expect anything different to have happened to me just three days before? I was so shocked. It was like somebody shot me with a diamond bullet right through my forehead...but I shouldn't have been that shocked. After being a red sox fan for so long, I should know that things will go wrong right when everything seems to be right. Well Wednesday at 1:29 pm, everything seemed to be so right, but Wednesday at 1:30 pm, everything turned horribly wrong. It's as if I were re-watching Grady Little leave in Pedro Martinez for the eighth inning with five outs to go before the World Series, and then everything that seemed so right, turned so wrong within minutes.
It really seems like there are forces in this world that don't want me to be happy right now. Either that, or I was just too happy prior to Wednesday, so in an attempt to neutralize the happiness to misery ratio, the powers above us have pulled this fast one on me. Of course this could just be the work of Satan. There appears to be a few sinister things at work here. One is whoever this asshole is who asked her out. Even though he has no idea who I am, he is still a force against me, and little does he know that he has just made a very bitter enemy. I don't even know him, but I hate him. That's right, it's a hideous four letter word that is very extreme, but I do hate him. I hate him so much, that I want nothing more than for him to disappear forever. And I don't mean like, a hit man picking him off or anything, I mean I want him to disappear physically and from everybody's memories. In short, I wish he was never born. There is some other intangible force at work here too. The fact that this all happened only a week before I was going to make my move has to be some kind of manifestation of the evil against me. If it were not, then this would have happened back in September, when I still wasn't sure if I was even going to ask her out, not one week before the day I decided to do so.
I know I'm partly to blame for this. I could have asked her earlier in the month, I could have asked her back in September, and then none of this would have been an issue. I would have known one way or another if I was going to be in a relationship with this girl. It's a cursed missed opportunity. But my reason for waiting was something I felt justified in doing. It wasn't just because I was too much of a pussy to make the move; it was to weigh out the consequences of my asking her on the social dynamics of our little group, something that is far more important to me than a date.
So here it is, Saturday the 29th. Instead of being at the football game, asking this girl on a date, I am sitting here in my room, watching the game on television, going on an emotional roller coaster ride moving back and forth between deep depression, and extreme anger. Speaking of roller coasters...the girl I was supposed to ask out today, is at six flags Atlanta with my new mortal enemy, instead of at the football game being unexpectedly asked on a date by yours truly. I don't want to move, I don't want to study, I just want to sleep in the hopes that what I dream about will be happy enough to take away from this depression, but most of all, I want to punch the wall until my fingers break and bleed in the hopes that it will put my concentration on the pain in my bleeding hand rather than on the pain in my bleeding heart.
Some of you might think I'm over reacting. Normally I'd say yes, I am over reacting, but there's something different here. If it were any other girl, I'd probably just get pissed off for a day or two, and then just say "fuck it." But I can't just say fuck it; I put too much effort into this. I want her to know how much effort I put into this, but most of all, I want the peace of mind to know whether or not she would have said yes or no.