Tears of a Cop
It wasn’t long ago that I received this from a friend who asked me how I do my job. What she was asking is how I get through, emotionally through all of the human conditions that I experience on my job. She sent me this below with this question in mind:
"Tears of a Cop"
-Author unknown
I have been where you fear to go
I have seen what you fear to see
I have done what you fear to do
All these things I’ve done for you.
I am the one you lean upon
The one you cast your scorn upon
The one you bring your troubles to
All these people I’ve been for you
The one you ask to stand apart
The one you feel should have no heart
The one you call the man in blue
But I am human just like you
And though the years I’ve come to see
That I’m not what you ask of me
So take this badge and take this gun
Will you take it? Will anyone?
And when you watch a person die
And hear a battered baby cry
Then so you think that you can be
All those things you ask of me?
After reading this a couple of times, I wasn’t sure just how to answer her question.
I’ve been a cop for over twenty five years and have probability seen everything there is to see that one human being can do to another. I began to think about how cruel people can be to others.
I was about to give her the usual response of you get uses to it, or It’s no big deal. But, I thought a little harder to the question and read the Tears of a Cop again. I thought again, and decided to give a more accurate response to the question.
So, I began to think about why I started in this profession to begin with. I was a sixteen year old, who joined the Explorer program at my City’s locate Police station and began to ride-along with the officers and see what Law Enforcement was all about, and to see what was happening in my own home town.
I have to confess I was amazed at how people treated Cops and how Cops treated people. At sixteen years old, I was disappointed with people in general. Many who I saw get arrested or stopped by the Cops, were deserving of the Cops actions.
I was raised to respect people in authority, and was having a hard time understanding why people treated other, not just Cops, but their own families like dirt.
I can remember one of the first family disturbances I was on as an Explorer. It was at a single family home not to far away from my own home, we responded on a family disturbance. The next door neighbor called the Police, because they could hear a female screaming for help.
As we got there, being I was an Explorer and was not armed, I was instructed to stay at the Police vehicle. I was watching from the curb as my partner and another Police officer approached the house. I could still hear the screaming and the noise as if someone was tearing the house apart.
As the two Officers knocked on the door, I heard one gunshot come from inside of the house. The woman, who was screaming, stopped screaming abruptly and there was silence, like the whole world stopped to listen.
It was eerie, and to this day, I remember the dead silence. Both Officer at the door took a cover position as well as; I hid behind the police vehicles, keeping an eye on the front of the house.
I completely felt like I was totally exposed hiding behind a police vehicle watching from the street. I heard the police radio traffic as other officers responded to the request of my partner, advising shots had just been heard from inside of the house.
Police unit from other areas of the city could be heard from a distance responding to our location. The Officer I was riding with that night came back to the car and told me to stay with the vehicles again and handed me the shotgun from the rack from inside of the vehicle. I assumed he was handing me the shotgun, for my own protection. I had been receiving firearms instructions at the Reserve/Explorer academy, which was a requirement to attend if you wanted to ride-along with the officers in the field.
At that point in my life, I had never really considered if I could take another persons life. Mean while, I knelt there behind the front of the patrol car, holding a shotgun, not knowing if I could use deadly force or not. I remember thinking of that poor woman who was just minutes ago was screaming, as if she was dying or going to die.
I thought, maybe she’s dead, been shot by her husband or who ever was inside with her. Perhaps, if we had gotten there just a few minutes sooner, she could still be alive. I was wondering if she was shot or was it that something else was going on.
While thinking these things, I heard one of the police officers, yell into the house, for the person to come out unarmed and with his hands above his head. There was no reply from inside of the house.
Again, the silence was loud, and I remember holding my breath. I, all of a sudden, realized that I was holding the shotgun across the hood of the patrol vehicle aiming it at the front door. Had I made my decision about use of deadly force?
At that point, I realized that it wasn’t about killing someone, but to stop them from hurting others, to protecting others, including myself from a person who might use deadly force without considering the consequences of their actions.
Once enough of the regular officer arrived I was relived of my post and asked to go back to a temporary command post at the end of the street. I was disappointed that I wasn’t going to be allowed to stay and be apart of the action. But of course they weren’t going to let an Explorer stay for a possible standoff.
The event ended about two hours later, with the husband killing his wife with that one shot we heard and leaving their four children without parents. It so happened that the oldest son was the same age as I was and at that time we attended the same high school. I remember seeing that kid, several times after that, and I never mentioned that I was there, when his father killed his mother. The whole thing was very sad, very sad.
So, in retrospect, seeing people die at the hands of others or loved ones and the cruelty of those who are suppose to be there to love and hold you. To know that sometimes, the only people between you and the people who wish you harm is me. And many of those who wouldn’t do my job and those who will mock me for my profession, I have lived many years seeing many of the human sufferings. Yet, I still put on my uniform and gun to protect those who can not, or are surprised by the brutal acts of their fellow man. I have cried, and been completely taken aback at the actions of those who would think to harm those who are completely defenseless; a baby, a child, an elder.
So, what happens to all of this misery that I have seen on the streets of San Diego? Yes! It does shape me. Does it make me a bitter person, a cynic, a skeptic, what does it do to me?
I hope it makes me a better person and officer.
"Tears of a Cop"
-Author unknown
I have been where you fear to go
I have seen what you fear to see
I have done what you fear to do
All these things I’ve done for you.
I am the one you lean upon
The one you cast your scorn upon
The one you bring your troubles to
All these people I’ve been for you
The one you ask to stand apart
The one you feel should have no heart
The one you call the man in blue
But I am human just like you
And though the years I’ve come to see
That I’m not what you ask of me
So take this badge and take this gun
Will you take it? Will anyone?
And when you watch a person die
And hear a battered baby cry
Then so you think that you can be
All those things you ask of me?
After reading this a couple of times, I wasn’t sure just how to answer her question.
I’ve been a cop for over twenty five years and have probability seen everything there is to see that one human being can do to another. I began to think about how cruel people can be to others.
I was about to give her the usual response of you get uses to it, or It’s no big deal. But, I thought a little harder to the question and read the Tears of a Cop again. I thought again, and decided to give a more accurate response to the question.
So, I began to think about why I started in this profession to begin with. I was a sixteen year old, who joined the Explorer program at my City’s locate Police station and began to ride-along with the officers and see what Law Enforcement was all about, and to see what was happening in my own home town.
I have to confess I was amazed at how people treated Cops and how Cops treated people. At sixteen years old, I was disappointed with people in general. Many who I saw get arrested or stopped by the Cops, were deserving of the Cops actions.
I was raised to respect people in authority, and was having a hard time understanding why people treated other, not just Cops, but their own families like dirt.
I can remember one of the first family disturbances I was on as an Explorer. It was at a single family home not to far away from my own home, we responded on a family disturbance. The next door neighbor called the Police, because they could hear a female screaming for help.
As we got there, being I was an Explorer and was not armed, I was instructed to stay at the Police vehicle. I was watching from the curb as my partner and another Police officer approached the house. I could still hear the screaming and the noise as if someone was tearing the house apart.
As the two Officers knocked on the door, I heard one gunshot come from inside of the house. The woman, who was screaming, stopped screaming abruptly and there was silence, like the whole world stopped to listen.
It was eerie, and to this day, I remember the dead silence. Both Officer at the door took a cover position as well as; I hid behind the police vehicles, keeping an eye on the front of the house.
I completely felt like I was totally exposed hiding behind a police vehicle watching from the street. I heard the police radio traffic as other officers responded to the request of my partner, advising shots had just been heard from inside of the house.
Police unit from other areas of the city could be heard from a distance responding to our location. The Officer I was riding with that night came back to the car and told me to stay with the vehicles again and handed me the shotgun from the rack from inside of the vehicle. I assumed he was handing me the shotgun, for my own protection. I had been receiving firearms instructions at the Reserve/Explorer academy, which was a requirement to attend if you wanted to ride-along with the officers in the field.
At that point in my life, I had never really considered if I could take another persons life. Mean while, I knelt there behind the front of the patrol car, holding a shotgun, not knowing if I could use deadly force or not. I remember thinking of that poor woman who was just minutes ago was screaming, as if she was dying or going to die.
I thought, maybe she’s dead, been shot by her husband or who ever was inside with her. Perhaps, if we had gotten there just a few minutes sooner, she could still be alive. I was wondering if she was shot or was it that something else was going on.
While thinking these things, I heard one of the police officers, yell into the house, for the person to come out unarmed and with his hands above his head. There was no reply from inside of the house.
Again, the silence was loud, and I remember holding my breath. I, all of a sudden, realized that I was holding the shotgun across the hood of the patrol vehicle aiming it at the front door. Had I made my decision about use of deadly force?
At that point, I realized that it wasn’t about killing someone, but to stop them from hurting others, to protecting others, including myself from a person who might use deadly force without considering the consequences of their actions.
Once enough of the regular officer arrived I was relived of my post and asked to go back to a temporary command post at the end of the street. I was disappointed that I wasn’t going to be allowed to stay and be apart of the action. But of course they weren’t going to let an Explorer stay for a possible standoff.
The event ended about two hours later, with the husband killing his wife with that one shot we heard and leaving their four children without parents. It so happened that the oldest son was the same age as I was and at that time we attended the same high school. I remember seeing that kid, several times after that, and I never mentioned that I was there, when his father killed his mother. The whole thing was very sad, very sad.
So, in retrospect, seeing people die at the hands of others or loved ones and the cruelty of those who are suppose to be there to love and hold you. To know that sometimes, the only people between you and the people who wish you harm is me. And many of those who wouldn’t do my job and those who will mock me for my profession, I have lived many years seeing many of the human sufferings. Yet, I still put on my uniform and gun to protect those who can not, or are surprised by the brutal acts of their fellow man. I have cried, and been completely taken aback at the actions of those who would think to harm those who are completely defenseless; a baby, a child, an elder.
So, what happens to all of this misery that I have seen on the streets of San Diego? Yes! It does shape me. Does it make me a bitter person, a cynic, a skeptic, what does it do to me?
I hope it makes me a better person and officer.