fuck this shit
rant...warning
Current mood: anxious
yeah, k so i really need to get out of this house. just get away from everything. i have confessing and apologizing to do, but i can't get it out, and then i just can't bring myself to say it aloud. FUCK! so like i'm totally out of it right now and just have no real thing inside my head. i've screwed up so much and i don't have a true guilt that will make me spill everything. so many things have been brought to me, and most are true and i just...fuck i don't know what to do with my life. confession: i've started drinking more and cutting. yell if must. i'm screwing up my life and i truly don't give a damn at the moment. fuck you all. we all die, we all get over shit, so don't pull the crap of if i do this shit then you'll be fucked up. and now i'm pissy cause i've hurt so many people and i just can't stand myself. no wonder people hate me. i'd hate me to if i wasn't me. seriously. and now i'm wanting to fucking cut more cause it feeels good. i have pain in my life, but this is pain that i control myself. and then drinking relaxes me, and i wish i hand't had my amount for the day...oh well. yeah, k, so welcome to the glimpse of what's inside my head as of 2 nights ago. i'm shaking and will soon have an anxioty attack...gotta go.
~later that night~
god dammit i have no idea what the fuck to do. earlier i thought that i can hold it in, but now more shit happens. am i just someone to satisfy you until you find a worth-while one? am i just as i set out to be? someone who gives you want you want for me to be nothing other than a temporary thing? i can't take this shit anymore. fuck it, as soon as i can i'm out of here.
Current mood: anxious
yeah, k so i really need to get out of this house. just get away from everything. i have confessing and apologizing to do, but i can't get it out, and then i just can't bring myself to say it aloud. FUCK! so like i'm totally out of it right now and just have no real thing inside my head. i've screwed up so much and i don't have a true guilt that will make me spill everything. so many things have been brought to me, and most are true and i just...fuck i don't know what to do with my life. confession: i've started drinking more and cutting. yell if must. i'm screwing up my life and i truly don't give a damn at the moment. fuck you all. we all die, we all get over shit, so don't pull the crap of if i do this shit then you'll be fucked up. and now i'm pissy cause i've hurt so many people and i just can't stand myself. no wonder people hate me. i'd hate me to if i wasn't me. seriously. and now i'm wanting to fucking cut more cause it feeels good. i have pain in my life, but this is pain that i control myself. and then drinking relaxes me, and i wish i hand't had my amount for the day...oh well. yeah, k, so welcome to the glimpse of what's inside my head as of 2 nights ago. i'm shaking and will soon have an anxioty attack...gotta go.
~later that night~
god dammit i have no idea what the fuck to do. earlier i thought that i can hold it in, but now more shit happens. am i just someone to satisfy you until you find a worth-while one? am i just as i set out to be? someone who gives you want you want for me to be nothing other than a temporary thing? i can't take this shit anymore. fuck it, as soon as i can i'm out of here.