Scar Tissue (Part Two) -- Chapter 29-B
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Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 29-B
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
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Continued from 29-A…
***
Thirty minutes turned into an hour and a half, which negated their bubble bath plans and left very little time before they had to leave for the night. Callie waited until she was a human prune before climbing out of the tub and draining the water. She was disappointed but also somewhat worried, as Arizona was usually too tired after her appointments to go anywhere. For nearly two hours to pass without her coming home was unusual.
Just as she tied the sash on her robe and went in search of her phone, Callie heard the front door open and close, followed by the scuffle of hurried feet. She felt relieved for the most part, but equally as curious and a tiny bit annoyed.
“Hey,” Arizona called out, dropping her workout bag just inside the bedroom door, slightly winded but seemingly upbeat. “I am so sorry, I got caught up with some stuff at the hospital.”
Callie accepted a quick peck on the cheek as Arizona breezed by her into the bathroom, frowning when it wasn’t accompanied by any sort of explanation. “Oh?” she said carefully, trailing after her.
“Long story,” Arizona said as she pushed down her yoga pants and sat on the closed toilet to undress. “I’ll fill you in later, I promise.”
“Okay…” Callie’s brow creased. “Is everything all right?”
Arizona grinned. “More than. But I’ve gotta grab a quick shower before we have to be at dinner. Can’t arrive all stinky.”
Callie watched as the blonde undid the straps holding the brace together and slid it off with carefully practiced ease. Either she was imagining things or Arizona was avoiding eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You seem kind of…”
Arizona stood up and braced a hand along the wall for balance. “Everything’s perfect,” she repeated. “I’ll be really quick and then we can go.”
Callie blinked when the bathroom door closed abruptly in her face, cutting off any further inquiries she might have had. “Okay then,” she mumbled to herself, shaking her head in bewilderment. The shower started and she heard Arizona get in.
Since a sexy bubble bath was out of the question and they really did need to leave soon, she turned her focus to choosing an outfit for the night. Knowing what to wear when she was meeting the most important person in her significant other’s recovery took more than five minutes of preparation.
***
Jumbled thoughts and emotions rolled loosely around Arizona’s head as she waited for the water to heat up. She felt jittery, partly because they were now running behind schedule and she was rushed, and partly because the excitement she had been trying to suppress for weeks was now rising to the surface. None of it had sunk in until she spoke to the Chief and he reiterated how serious he was about hiring her. Now that the ink was still fresh on her first major contract, Arizona was buzzing.
More than anything she wanted to share that excitement with Callie, and though the words were on the tip of her tongue as soon as she walked through the door, she decided to hold off for now. They had a busy night ahead and rushing the big reveal would be a shame. It was something that Callie had worked just as hard for and it was a moment Arizona wanted the two of them to share together. She had even stopped for a bottle of champagne at the wine store down the block and hidden it in her gym bag before coming home.
In the very back of her mind, a place she had become adept at compartmentalizing things over the years, she worried about alternative reactions. She hadn’t told Callie any of this beforehand, not her conversations with Chief Webber lately nor the official contract offer she knew was coming. Arizona wanted things to be firm and finalized before she broke the news. The surprise was half the fun. This signaled a return to normalcy for the first time since they met, it was a huge deal for her.
Having decided that the information could sit for a few hours without spoiling, Arizona stepped under the hot spray and eased herself into the shower chair. The dinner party would be a fun way to spend the evening and have a meet-and-greet for all the new people in her life. Later tonight she was reserving for just the two of them.
***
Not for the first time that evening, Callie found herself smoothing down the front of her chosen black cocktail dress. They stood on the front stoop of Sergeant McGoudry’s house, waiting for the chorus of barking to subside and the door to open. “Are you sure this looks okay? I don’t want to be over dressed,” she asked again, casting a nervous glance in Arizona’s direction.
Arizona shot her a quirky smile and linked arms. “Are you kidding me? You look gorgeous,” she reiterated. “The guys aren’t going to be able to take their eyes off you.”
Callie didn’t know about that, but then she didn’t have the slightest clue what to expect. It was a casual dinner with a small group of people from Dan and Arizona’s circle, but she didn’t want to go in jeans and a t-shirt. She’d settled on a simple black dress that wouldn’t be considered too dressy, with a neckline that was low but not too low, and a pair of black pumps. By the time they arrived, she was starting to think the extra height made her look like a giant. Judging by the drool she’d had to mop off of Arizona’s chin, however, she’d hit a home run in her girlfriend’s eyes.
Arizona herself had gone for a more casual look, mostly because it was comfortable and jeans were better able to hide the brace underneath. A loose-fitting but stylish blue top brought out the colour of her eyes and dressed the ensemble up a little, and she applied make up for the first time in a long while. Having an excuse to wear something other than yoga pants or pajamas was thrilling.
The best part of tonight was definitely having such a stunning woman on her arm. Arizona was busy staring at Callie like she was the dessert course when a woman in her mid-50s opened the door. Callie’s sharp elbow snapped her attention forward again.
“Arizona, it is so nice to finally meet you,” Cassandra gushed, ushering them inside and immediately exchanging hugs with both women. “And you must be Callie. We’ve been looking forward to having you over for weeks.”
Like her husband, there was a friendly sparkle in her brown eyes and a warmth that radiated from her smile. She was tall, maybe half an inch shorter than Callie when she wasn’t in heels, and shared a similar blonde tint in her hair to Arizona, with a few strands of grey already peeking through. She reminded Arizona of her mother ten or fifteen years ago, back when their relationship had been normal and happy.
“Please excuse the apron,” Cassandra explained, gesturing to the one she wore over a white blouse and pencil skirt. “The boys are busy raiding my kitchen and if I don’t cover up, dinner will end up all over me instead of your plates.”
Callie snickered as she shrugged off her jacket, which Cassandra promptly took. “Must be a military thing. You should see when Arizona tries to bake, it’s like our kitchen exploded.”
Arizona scoffed. “That was one time,” she argued, though if her memory served right, the mess had been pretty epic.
Soon they were greeted by two noisy hounds circling their feet, busy tripping over each other in the rush to gain the visitors’ attention. Callie kicked off her heels and stooped low to scratch behind Tango’s ears. The Australian Shepherd went limp and rolled to expose his belly, causing a big grin to stretch across her face. Tank gave her fingers a quick sniff and a friendly lick, then bounded over to paw at Arizona’s leg with a welcoming ‘woof’.
Arizona picked the Chihuahua up and flipped him over like an infant, letting him sprawl across her forearm. “I missed you too, yes I did,” she cooed, scratching his belly and carrying him into the living room with Callie and Tango trailing close behind.
Two men emerged from the kitchen and another chorus of greetings flowed their way. Daniel stepped over and gave Arizona a big hug, doing the same with Callie. “I’m glad you both came. Arizona won’t stop talking about the famous Dr. Torres,” he told her, shaking her hand. “I’d love to hear about your cartilage regeneration projects if you have the time.”
Callie shot Arizona a wide-eyed look and received a silly grin in return. She smiled bashfully at Daniel. “She’s probably over-exaggerating, but thank you. I’m happy we can finally sit down and not just wave at each other from a distance.”
The next person to step over was an unfamiliar face, but the double prosthetics she glimpsed had to make him Adam. She hadn’t heard much about other group members from her girlfriend since she started going, but his name had popped up a few times over the last several weeks. He was strikingly good looking, with the chiseled cheek bones and stylish mess of dark hair that she tended to like in guys. She knew nothing about what happened to him or how long he had been a war amputee, but he was perpetually cheerful and the type of person to let most things roll off his shoulders, or so she had been told. The fact that Arizona admitted to being intimidated by him in the past surprised Callie as his friendly demeanor immediately put her at ease.
Adam gave her hand a firm shake and introduced himself, fixing Callie with a toothy smile. “Wow. Robbins is pretty tight-lipped most days, but she wasn’t kidding when she said you were gorgeous,” he said, smoothing a hand along his five o’clock shadow.
Arizona, who had flopped down on the nearby couch and was now wrestling with the dog in her arms, looked up and narrowed her eyes. “Hey. You already have three girlfriends, keep your paws off of mine.”
There was nothing predatory about the way Adam flirted in the company of her girlfriend, as though it was just a part of his easy-going, friendly nature, so Callie found herself blushing again. “I’m gonna choose to say thank you and leave it at that,” she laughed.
Adam grinned widely, his dimples almost matching Arizona’s.
“Ben couldn’t make it?” Arizona asked.
Daniel shook his head. “Not tonight. Neil, a good friend from my Ranger days, also had to cancel. Looks like it’s just the five of us, but we’ll persevere.”
“I need to borrow you for a minute in the kitchen, dear,” Cassandra said to her husband. “Then you’re free to play with your friends.”
Dan bowed his head and followed his wife with a twinkle in his eye. “Yes ma’am.”
While those two disappeared and Adam went to grab something from his car, Callie sat beside Arizona on the couch and took part in lavishing the two dogs with attention for a few minutes. Tango eventually settled at her feet, while Tank already seemed firmly attached to Arizona. The smile on the blonde’s face was infectious and full of a different kind of joy than Callie usually saw.
“Thank you for coming,” Arizona said, meeting her soft brown eyes as she scratched behind Tank’s ears. He wiggled happily in her lap and then stepped over onto Callie’s.
She picked him up before too much fur could collect on her dress and laughed as his back feet danced around mid-air. “Good food, good company, and furry balls of love? Count me in every time.” She gave him a quick kiss on the head and Tank’s tongue lashed out, aiming for her face.
“Callie, can I interest you in a drink?” the Sergeant asked as he re-entered the room. “The beer is non-alcoholic and usually tastes like dirt, but it does the trick. We also have several iced drink varieties in the fridge, or so I’m told.” He gestured through the kitchen at the back door visible beyond the archway. “I’d love it if you’d join me on the deck while the sun is shining. My lovely wife just put the finishing touches on a new patio set and insists it get some use.”
“Sure,” Callie agreed, casting a look at her girlfriend. “Arizona?”
“I’m good,” Arizona said distractedly, her gaze focused intently on Tank, who had crawled back into her lap. A small smile played across her lips and she seemed more relaxed than she’d been all week in the presence of the tiny animal. She wasn’t really the baby-talk kind of girl these days, but she couldn’t help but murmur quiet terms of endearment to the little furball.
“I’ll keep her company,” Adam said as he reappeared from outside. He took up the recliner across the room and turned the television on to a European soccer match.
Callie nodded and left Adam and Arizona in the living room, following Dan into the kitchen to grab a glass of freshly brewed iced tea. Cassandra stayed to finish up dinner and, after insisting that Callie relax instead of help out, ushered their guest and her husband outside.
***
One of the things Arizona had come to like about Adam was that although he was chatty, the conversation never seemed forced. They talked idly about his past experiences at a World Cup of soccer for a few minutes while she settled back on the couch with Tank nestled against her side.
“Man, I miss being able to run like that,” Adam said after a period of comfortable silence passed. A replay flashed across the screen of a striker deking around the defence and breaking out for a goal.
Arizona was surprised to see him looking so wistful. He prided himself on living in the moment and not dwelling on the past or what happened to him. It was one of the things she had come to admire about him the most.
She glanced at the television and felt a pang of empathy. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”
They shared a brief, knowing smile before he shrugged it off, absently trailing his hand across the upper portion of his left prosthetic. “It is what it is. I’m grateful I can still do what I can, but sometimes it just sucks to be reminded, you know?”
Arizona hummed in reply, thinking of the numerous times she had overheard Cristina and Meredith - and even Callie - at home, talking about what an incredible and lengthy surgery they had accomplished that day. It hurt less now that she was going back to work, but a part of her knew there would always be a limit on how much she could handle. It was hard to accept that she would never be what she once was. Something she had learned from people like Dan and Adam was that it was never too late to reinvent yourself. She tried to keep that in mind as often as possible these days.
“Did I ever tell you I played footy in college?” Adam asked out of the blue, drawing her attention back to him. He didn’t look agitated, per se, more nostalgic and even a little bit sad. When Arizona shook her head, he elaborated without taking his eyes away from the game. “I was pretty good, too. Actually had a chance at some scholarships, maybe even to go pro if I worked hard enough.”
It was definitely a new and surprising bit of information. It made Arizona realize that, despite Adam’s openness about his disability, she knew very little about him. He talked about his emotional struggles and his physical reality to other vets during meetings, but he hardly ever spoke about himself on a more personal level. Maybe they were even more alike than she’d realized.
“What made you enlist?” she asked, sitting up as Tank wiggled himself comfortably between her thighs. It surprised her how willing the little bundle of energy was to sit in one place for so long.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Adam sighed, his forehead creased in thought. “Patriotism? Family history? All of that junk. That’s just what Barclay men did, we served our country and we did it with pride. I never really questioned it.”
Arizona absently worked her fingers along Tank’s haunches as she thought back to her own experiences. “It was the same with my family, only I’d never planned on serving. There wasn’t really any pressure from my dad about it; he seemed happy when I went into med school instead. Told me I was doing good, that I’d make a difference in my own way.”
“What changed?”
Arizona licked her lips. “My brother,” she began, pausing to gather her thoughts on the matter. “He died in Iraq in ‘06 and it changed things. It changed me. I don’t know if I felt guilty or obligated or…” She trailed off and shrugged. It was something she had never really been able to figure out. “So I signed up. Tried to make a difference over there even though it was already too late for him.”
Adam was watching her intently, obviously intrigued. She had never mentioned Timothy to anyone but Daniel before. Sharing wasn’t really her thing in a group setting, so for the most part she just listened to the others speak and took strength from them. It was easier to talk to Dan one-on-one about her struggles.
“I had already finished my residency, so the rest just kind of fell into place. There was such a shortage of surgeons over there that for a while it was satisfying. It felt like the right thing to be doing.” Arizona dropped her eyes to the canine in her lap and for a moment the little guy blinked back up at her. “It didn’t make me miss him any less. I think maybe I thought it would. I was on autopilot for three years just trying to forget everything that happened.”
Adam dipped his head respectfully. “Sounds like you two were close. I’m sorry you lost him.”
“I’m sorry you lost your legs,” Arizona said quietly. Even though she hadn’t known him before or worked with his unit, it always gutted her to take away a person’s legs. There was rarely anything a surgeon could do when it came to IED blasts, but sometimes just keeping them alive didn’t feel like enough.
“Do you regret it?” Adam asked eventually. “Knowing what happens to you, would you change things if you could go back?”
That was a question Arizona still asked herself to this day and not once had the answer ever changed. “Honestly? I have no idea,” she laughed, speaking the truth.
Some people wouldn’t get it, why she couldn’t just jump on the chance to say yes, she wished she had never gone over there after everything that went wrong. It just wasn’t that simple; there were two sides to every coin. Even though those three years had been difficult, she had saved more people than she could count. She had trained other medical staff that would go on to save others in return. The biggest factor was Callie, whom she never would have met had she not been so severely injured. On the flip side, her life wouldn’t be in shambles and she would never have turned into the complete stranger she saw every time she looked in the mirror.
Something told Arizona that she didn’t need to explain herself to Adam of all people. She tilted her head and studied him in return. “Would you?”
Adam looked down at his legs, fingering the edge of the above-knee socket, and remained silent for quite a long time. There was probably no more confusing question to ask someone in their position.
“I don’t know either,” he said eventually. The veterans shared a knowing smile and he shook his head in bemusement. “Ain’t that the bitch of it?”
Arizona chuckled and lifted Tank up to nuzzle against his ear. “Amen.” Tank barked his agreement.
***
The sun was slowly starting to fade to the west, but its heat blanketed the land and Callie’s skin eagerly soaked up what vitamin D it could. She had spent so much time at work lately that she had barely seen the sun in over a month. The born-and-raised Miami girl still living inside her craved the summer months and those long bouts of sun tanning and floating around in a pool. The days before medical school when she lived at home seemed light-years in the past compared to where she was now.
Settling in a comfy wicker chair with a fresh glass of iced tea in hand, Callie crossed her legs and released a sigh of contentment. Daniel seated himself to her right and Tango dutifully flopped down at his feet.
“I honestly don’t remember the last time I either dressed up or sat down without falling asleep,” Callie mused. “Or had someone else cook for me.”
“I have to admit that it’s a pretty nice change,” Dan chuckled, leaning back. “Once upon a time, I barely saw my family for more than a few minutes every three days or so. Since I retired from active duty and met Cassie, I hardly know what to do with all of this spare time.”
“I get the impression Arizona’s starting to feel the same way,” Callie said. “She didn’t mind taking it easy at home in the beginning but these days there are pace marks burned into my floor.”
“She’s been pretty excited about this brace you’ve been building,” he added. “How did her appointment go today, if you don’t mind me asking?”
It was hard not to feel excited after the day’s events. “She nailed it,” Callie grinned. “Her physical therapist likes what he sees and we’re both confident it’ll get her back in the OR. Arizona says she’s feeling pretty ecstatic about the whole thing.”
“Ah, that’s great,” the older gentleman said, visibly relieved. “I’ve been told you surgeons aren’t happy unless you’re cutting someone open.”
“Well, she’s still got a ways before that can happen,” Callie replied. “We agreed when I started this thing that we’d see where she’s at in a month. It takes a hell of a lot of energy to be on your feet for that many hours a day. Rushing it won’t do her any good.”
“Something tells me she’s not the patient type.”
Callie could only laugh. “I figured that out in the first hour I met her. You wouldn’t believe the stories. She actually ran away on me twice.” She fished out the straw floating around between ice cubes and sucked down a healthy portion of iced tea. What she wouldn’t give for a large outdoor patio at home for the two hours of sunlight Seattle got every summer.
“She really hasn’t stopped talking about how much you’ve done for her since we met,” Daniel told her as Tango got up and shuffled between humans. “Sounds like this brace is only the most recent miracle you’ve pulled off.” He lifted a brow, curiosity piqued. “It’s quite remarkable, what you two have been through together.”
“Tell me about it,” Callie smirked. She just about inhaled the last half of her drink, earning a major case of brain freeze for her trouble, though the flavour burst was worth it. The cooling sensation trickled down the back of her throat and sent a blast of much-needed sugar to her bloodstream. If it weren’t for the company of Arizona’s mentor, she probably would have fallen asleep out of sheer bliss.
Daniel stretched his stiff leg out in front of him and picked up a pair of sunglasses from the bistro table nearby, sliding them up his nose. They coexisted in silence for a while, absently watching a squirrel hop across the yard and dig up a buried acorn from a nearby rose bush. Callie was starting to see the no-pressure, infinitely patient demeanor that Arizona had told her about. He was a good person to have in her girlfriend’s life.
“I’m glad she talks to you,” she blurted, darting a quick look his way. “I mean, she talks to me, but not about that stuff. Not in detail. Which I get, I just worry sometimes that she’s too hard on herself.” Ice swirled around her empty glass as she fiddled with the straw again. “I’m happy she’s opening up and talking to someone. Thank you for doing that for her.”
Daniel tilted his head thoughtfully, continuing to watch the squirrel. “She does, for the most part. She’s pretty quiet when she comes to meetings, especially around the rest of the boys, but she’s doing well. I don’t get the sense she’s too keen on struggling in the public eye.”
“She’s proud,” Callie said. “To a fault, even. I think she gets it from her dad, though he’s not really in her life much anymore.”
“I hope you know how much your support has helped guide her through recovery,” Daniel added. “Having someone to lean on is paramount. You got her to seek help and that’s huge. Cassie was my pillar of strength in the beginning - that woman had no reason to stick around through the crap she put up with, but she did and I love her even more for it.”
“It hurts to see Arizona struggle. I wouldn’t walk away for the world,” Callie replied.
“Just make sure you take care of yourself too,” he remarked. “Sometimes that can be the most difficult part. I think she worries about you.”
Callie chuckled to herself and raised a brow. “Surgeons never really get any sleep as it is.”
“Still, if you ever feel like you need some guidance of your own, my wife has said she’s more than willing to talk with you.” He glanced over his shoulder at the door leading inside. “She’ll probably tell you herself before you leave today, but in case she doesn’t get the chance, she’s been through it all. Trust me when I say I didn’t make it easy on her at times. Our phone line is always open - for both of you.”
Callie could hardly fathom what Daniel and Cassie had been through. Arizona told her what little she knew, which basically amounted to ‘it was really awful’. Part of her didn’t even want to know the details, especially since those two were such a loving and inspirational pair now. Whatever it was, they had conquered it together. “Tell her thanks. I might take her up on that sometime.”
Daniel stood to refill their drinks from a pitcher sitting on the table. “Don’t mind an old man’s nosy tendencies,” he added. “Arizona lights up whenever you pop into the conversation and it’s always nice to put a face to the legend.”
Callie tried and failed to stifle the goofy grin that started to form. She knew Arizona loved her but hearing someone else say it like that made her giddy. “Yeah?”
Daniel smiled and returned to his seat. “Though I have to say, of all the ways to meet someone, you two are the first doctor-patient case I’ve had come through my doors.”
Callie groaned and briefly closed her eyes. “It’s a really big no-no in my line of work. Trust me when I say I don’t go around romancing all of my patients.” She fiddled with the glass still nestled in her hands and swiped a thumb through droplets of condensation. “With Arizona, it was just…different. We connected. She came into my life when I was going through something and we helped each other.” A soft sigh escaped her lips and she looked sheepish. “I try not to question a good thing. She makes my life better and I don’t want to imagine it without her.”
Daniel’s smile stretched wider and Callie suddenly blushed, realizing she had just spilled a boatload of mush on a virtual stranger. “Sorry,” she laughed weakly, rubbing her brow. “It’s been a long week and I get sappy when I’m tired.”
“Ah, hell, I’m glad to hear it,” he said, waving off the apology. “If two people love each other and you can lean on that person in the worst of times, I’m never going to question how it happened.” He raised his drink to her. “My best wishes to you both.”
Callie was smiling again when the back door slid open and Adam came lumbering out. The surgeon in her recognized signs of discomfort that came with wearing prosthetics for long periods of time, but to look at him otherwise you couldn’t tell. The same charming grin that had greeted her upon arrival ignited and he took up a short ottoman between the two of them, swiveling to face her directly.
“Everything okay?” Callie asked, instinctively worrying about Arizona’s absence.
“She’s glued to the dog,” Adam mused, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve never seen that thing sit in one place for so long. Pretty sure the little bugger’s going to stow away in your trunk. You’ve got some real competition, Sarge. You too, Torres.”
That made Daniel laugh. “If I ever need a dog sitter, I’ll know who to call.” He winked at Callie as he dropped a hand to ruffle Tango’s ears. “They’re pains in the ass sometimes but they’re good for the soul. They can pick up on a person’s energy and make even the worst days seem a little bit better.”
“Amen to that,” Adam grinned. “Wouldn’t be where I am without Sasha, my service dog.”
“Huh,” Callie hummed, surprised that she hadn’t thought about that before. “They used to do animal therapy visits when I was in university. I remember them bringing a troupe of critters through the dorm around exam period.”
“The same idea applies. There are places that train canines for emotional support, service dogs for PTSD as well as physical ailments,” Dan added. “Tank’s not trained for it - that takes years and thousands of dollars - but he’s an old soul in a shoe-sized body. I’ve always thought he can tell when someone needs help. Might be why they’ve taken to each other.”
That was an avenue Callie had yet to think of. She mulled the idea over and stored it in the back of her brain for another time. Getting a dog wasn’t as simple as picking up a Chia Pet from Wal Mart - and even that she had accidentally killed when she was a teenager.
“So, doc,” Adam began, reaching towards the plate of fresh cut veggies sitting on the table. “My girl Arizona tells me you’re something of an expert when it comes to bionic limb research.”
Callie’s eyes widened. “She did?”
Adam nodded, crunching on a celery stick. “Well, she used the words ‘awesome’ and ‘genius’ in the same sentence at one point, and she said you’ve looked into the field before. I figured most studies focused on arm amputations for the obvious reasons, but I’ve been hearing things about legs and nerve grafting or something. Got me curious.”
“It’s not my specialty but I’ve been keeping up with the latest studies,” she said. “What did you want to know?”
Adam shoved the remaining chunk of celery into his mouth and grunted. “Here, take a look at this.”
If Callie was surprised at his willingness to discuss his disability with someone he hardly knew, it was nothing compared to when he suddenly popped off his left leg entirely and handed it over. “What-”
“Bet you’ve never seen one of these before,” the soldier grinned, wiggling his brow as she tried to cover up the initial shock.
Callie blinked and dropped her eyes to the above-knee prosthetic. She turned it over in her hands and studied the mechanics. The layout was definitely familiar. “I think I read some studies on this model when it was a prototype a few years back. One of my first attendings was working on traumatic amputation bionics and got me interested in the subject.” She glanced up. “Who’s your prosthetist?”
“David Nolan,” Adam said. “His office is just outside the city but he’s awesome. He got me into one of the first marketable pairs with high-end hydraulics about six months back. I’m somewhat of a guinea pig nowadays, testing it out and helping with some sort of market research for the manufacturer. See how smooth it flexes?” He pointed to the back of the joint, which Callie immediately leaned in to study closer.
She got lost in the conversation with Adam while Daniel sat back and listened. Adam definitely had himself a fine set of top-notch prosthetics, but Callie could understand the desire for something with a little more versatility in physical activities. Brain mapping had huge implications for anyone with prosthetics in the coming decades.
Half an hour passed before the patio door slid open and Cassandra emerged, wiping her hands on a tea towel.
“Five minutes ‘til dinner, lady and boys,” she announced. “Callie, honey, Arizona wanted me to tell you that your beeper went off. Do you have to leave already?”
Callie stood up and frowned. “I’m not on call but I’d better check anyway. Excuse me.” She hurried by them and stepped back inside the air conditioned home.
Arizona was right where Callie had left her, only now she was sprawled horizontally on the couch with her leg elevated on a pillow and Tank the Chihuahua curled up on her hip. A giant, half-empty glass of iced tea sat on the side table directly behind her head.
While Callie fished her cellphone from her jacket pocket, she smirked at her girlfriend. “Made yourself at home, I see.”
Arizona grinned sheepishly. “Cassie’s work. She could tell I was a bit tired and suddenly it was like a spa service I wasn’t allowed to turn down. She’s a real sweetheart.” Tank raised his head and blinked docilely in Callie’s direction while Arizona scratched behind his ears.
“You really love that little guy, don’t you?” Callie asked as she sat next to them on the couch. The dog melted as two sets of hands lavished him with attention, leading Callie to believe that his name was somewhat of an oxymoron.
“I love dogs,” Arizona admitted. “We always had one around when I was a kid, I just haven’t had time to care for any since I went into med school. And then residency, then overseas, etcetera. I miss it sometimes.”
“I know what you mean,” Callie sighed, shifting her attention from the dog to lightly stroke Arizona’s forearm with her fingertips. “Maybe someday when we get out of that tiny apartment we can get one.”
Arizona raised her eyes and started to smile. “I’d like that,” she said quietly, meaning the inference of such a future together more than anything.
Thankfully the message for Callie was just an update on one of her patients and required no further action other than a thirty-second phone call. Just as she hung up, the others trickled in from outside and they were summoned to the table for dinner.
When Daniel spoke of his wife’s talents in the kitchen, he hadn’t been over-exaggerating. For five people there was a roasted chicken with pan gravy, several vegetable sides that came fresh from their backyard garden, and a lemongrass risotto that smelled heavenly. The others were just as hungry as Arizona, which made her feel less sheepish for wolfing down the first course in no time flat. She and Callie had been relying on take-out for almost a week now and nothing compared to a delicious home-cooked meal.
Since alcohol was absent in the house, they had brought a sparkling fruit cider from the local market with them in place of wine. It disappeared in no time. The conversation flowed as easily as the drinks, varying from old military stories from the boys to surgical shockers from Callie. Arizona listened more than she spoke but she was just as absorbed in the chatter as everyone else.
Just when Callie thought she might burst from the double servings of every dish, Cassandra cleared their plates and set a gourmet chocolate cake down, drawing a chorus of excitement from everyone present.
“Oh my god,” Arizona half laughed, placing a hand on her belly. “Callie, you’re going to have to roll me to the car later.”
“You’re assuming I’ll be in better shape than you,” Callie teased, taking her hand underneath the table. “We might need a cab.”
“We’ve gotta fatten you up before you go back to work next week,” Adam spoke up, drawing their attention across the table. “You’ll need reserves if you’re gonna make it through those hellish long shifts I’ve been hearing about.” He speared a decent sized chunk of cake with his fork and pointed it in Arizona’s direction. “Keep eating, Robbins.”
“Next week?” Callie furrowed her brow and turned to Arizona. “What’s he talking about?”
Arizona grimaced and forced out a smile for the sake of the table. It wasn’t Adam’s fault, this just wasn’t how she had pictured the news coming out. It was awkward. “I, um…I was going to surprise you when we got home, actually,” she began.
Adam looked guilty for spilling the beans and ducked his attention back to his food.
“Surprise me with what?” Callie asked again.
“I talked to Chief Webber today, after my appointment,” Arizona said slowly, poking at the cake Cassandra had set in front of her. “We’ve reached a verbal agreement and he’ll have the final contract for me to sign in two days. I’ll have my own office space and a place on the surgical roster as of a week from now.”
Speechless, and also very aware that they were in the presence of company, Callie didn’t quite know how to react. She caught Daniel’s eye briefly across the table and saw him wearing the same puzzled expression she was feeling. They had just talked about Arizona’s initial pledge to wait and be patient only a short time ago.
“I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to rush things,” Callie said carefully, avoiding prolonged eye contact and taking a sip of water for something else to do.
Despite Arizona’s initial guilt for keeping it a secret, she couldn’t understand why Callie was being so defensive. “I’m not,” she countered, doing a quick sweep of the table. “Really, today went great and I’m ready to get back to work. There’s already going to be a couple of weeks in the skills lab and brushing up on my reading, and I’ve got to outline a whole new way to run the ER if we want our trauma status back. It’s not as crazy as it sounds.”
There were a few friendly murmurs of congratulations and Cassandra initiated a toast, to which everyone clinked glasses. Arizona appreciated the gesture but the only person whose opinion she was concerned with in the long run was Callie’s.
“Really, this is a good thing,” she repeated, desperate for some sort of glimmer of happiness from the other woman. “This is what we’ve been waiting for.”
Callie couldn’t quite bring herself to answer. She didn’t know how she felt. The table was extremely quiet all of a sudden and the last thing she wanted was to bring down the mood, so she forced out a smile for everyone else’s sake. “Okay. That’s great.” She left it at that and took a bite of chocolate cake. Even the thieving squirrel in the backyard wasn’t convinced by her performance.
It wasn’t exactly the elated response Arizona had been hoping for. She frowned at Callie, who was refusing to look at her directly, while Adam picked up the conversation again and turned it to other things. She finally relented and tried to involve herself in the newest topic without really succeeding. Callie slipped her hand away under the table and Arizona didn’t feel it again for the rest of the meal.
The atmosphere was more subdued following the off-kilter exchange, though nonetheless it was a pleasant evening overall. Callie and Arizona took their leave shortly after dessert, citing an early morning as their excuse, and profusely thanked their hosts for a wonderful meal. Arizona kept shooting her partner quick looks while they put their shoes on at the door and got nothing in return.
She fidgeted the whole fifteen minute car ride home, trying numerous times to engage Callie in small talk while never getting more than a few words bounced back her way. By the time they entered their apartment, the cold shoulder act was really starting to piss her off.
“If you’re mad that I told Adam before you, it just slipped out while we were talking,” Arizona said when they were finally inside. Her eyes followed Callie as she dumped her purse on the kitchen counter. “I wanted to surprise you when we were alone together.”
“I know that,” Callie said neutrally, wishing she was better at adding inflection when it was really needed. “I’m not mad that you told him first.”
When she once again failed to elaborate, Arizona gritted her teeth and limped into the living room while Callie tidied up the extra blankets lying around. “Enough with the passive-aggressive bullshit. If you have something to say to me, then say it.”
Callie closed her eyes and stood up straight, tension now pinching her shoulders. “Arizona, I’m tired, okay? Can we just not do this right now?”
“No!” Arizona moved around to face her from the front, fixing her with an incredulous stare. “You’re the one that wanted me to stop running away from our problems. Well, here’s a problem and here’s me standing my ground. What has got you so mad?”
Arizona’s defensiveness only raised Callie’s hackles. “Fine! I think you’re rushing it,” she stated, throwing both hands up before dropping them roughly to her sides. “I think you made a stupid, premature mistake today by going to the Chief.”
“Huh. Yeah, I totally see what you mean,” Arizona said slowly, crossing her arms and raising her eyes to the ceiling in mock thoughtfulness. “I must be a real moron for accepting a lucrative contract offer at one of the best teaching hospitals in the country. I don’t know what I was thinking. Must be all that brain damage or something.”
“I didn’t say that,” Callie snapped, biting her tongue to try and rein in the sharp edge in her voice. “But yeah, I think it was a mistake. It is day one and you’re already planning on going back to work in a week? What the hell made you think that was a good idea?”
“I’m not exactly jumping back in the OR for twelve hours on my first day,” Arizona said bitingly. “God, give me some credit here. I need practice and I need resources to catch up on the last year I’ve missed out on. I’m heading up a huge department, Callie, it’s more complicated than just cutting.”
“You’re risking everything that you’ve worked for by jumping in face-first. You can’t honestly expect me to get behind that.”
“Yes, actually, as crazy as it seems, I thought you would be happy for me,” Arizona retorted, throwing out her hands in confusion. “Is that so insane? A few weeks ago you were over the moon at the idea of working together. Now all of a sudden I’m an idiot for signing on the dotted line?”
Callie scoffed and turned away again, pacing across the living room. “You didn’t even ask me before you talked to him, Arizona. That right there tells me you knew it was too fast.”
Arizona cocked an eyebrow. “I thought you’d react like my girlfriend, not like my surgeon.” Her teeth ground together as the food in her stomach suddenly turned sour. “You’re supposed to be giving me the benefit of the doubt here, not just the doubt.”
“Don’t you dare play that card with me,” Callie growled, pointing an accusing finger in her direction. “I have worked my ass off to help you and you know how much I want you to be happy. But this, this isn’t the way to do it. Not one day after you’ve been given the go-ahead to use the brace without crutches. You won’t last two hours in the OR yet. You could be putting a patient’s life at risk.”
The accusation stung like a slap in the face. “Wow. I never knew you thought so little of me,” Arizona said, suddenly cold as ice.
Callie regretted the words almost immediately but it didn’t change how she felt. “The Chief and the Board don’t care about your wellbeing, they care about money and status,” she said adamantly, taking a step closer. “And I know you. It won’t just be a few weeks in the skills lab and research in your office. You’ll find an opportunity and you’ll force yourself back in the OR sooner, regardless of the physical demands on your body.”
“Callie-”
“What is so hard about waiting a few more weeks?”
“Because it’s always going to be a few more weeks!” Arizona shouted, stepping away and breaking the distance they had closed. “I’m done waiting! I’m done being useless and never having anything going for me. I’m done being a freaking house pet and getting a pat on the back every time I walk to the bathroom and back on my own. I went to Webber because for the first time in almost a year, I’m excited about my life again. I have possibilities, a future. All I wanted was a little support from my girlfriend and maybe a vote of confidence.”
“You have my vote of confidence,” Callie argued.
“Well you have a funny way of showing it.” Arizona pursed her lips. “You were the one who told me to go for the September pediatrics fellowship, remember? Well, it’s September. How was that any different?”
“That was months ago and we didn’t know how far along you’d be. Things are different now.”
“Because you’re still fixated on steering me away from the trauma position?”
Callie was just about ready to pull her hair out. They were talking in circles and she knew that getting Arizona to see reason was like headbutting a brick wall over and over again. “Of course I want this for you. You know I’m on your side, I have been from day one.”
“Suddenly not so sure,” Arizona muttered bitterly.
“You should have come to me first and talked about it,” Callie said loudly. “You agreed not to jump the gun while I was building the brace and then you went and did it anyway! And let’s not forget that your physical disability is the least of your worries right now.”
Part of her felt like an asshole for pulling that into the conversation but it was true. Arizona had good nights and bad, and they could never tell when the awful ones were coming. In Callie’s mind, when Arizona went back to work, she was supposed to be completely prepared. Who knew what could happen otherwise.
Arizona looked betrayed and it gutted Callie. Nonetheless, she stood her ground. “I love Dan and his wife, and I think you’re doing a good thing by working with him, but he is not a surgeon. He doesn’t know what it’s like. If you’re walking back into a trauma room, maybe you should think about what it’s going to do to you when you see something that reminds you of what happened.”
“You are not a shrink, Callie,” Arizona said icily, fighting back the hard lump in her throat.
“No, I’m not, but I am one-hundred percent healthy, I have function in both of my legs, and I’m exhausted after an eighteen hour day,” Callie said bluntly. “You’ve been on your feet for small parts of the afternoon and your leg is practically shaking.”
“Yeah, because I’m pissed off!” Arizona said hotly, crossing her arms again.
Callie ignored her. “What about when you have a bad night? Or what if you have another flashback while you’re at the hospital?”
Hearing Callie voice all of Arizona’s deep-seeded fears triggered a rush of anger all over again. “My abilities as a surgeon aren’t for you to question!” she yelled. “How dare you assume that I’m incapable of doing my job. You don’t have the slightest clue what you’re-”
Callie cut her off and kept going. “If you do this, Arizona, you’re risking a setback that could derail all of the progress you’ve made. You’re risking your wellbeing by walking into a situation that you might not be ready for.”
Arizona was already shaking her head, caught somewhere between furious and extremely upset. Of all the people to come at her like this, she had least expected it from Callie.
“Dan is a good person but he’s not a psychiatrist,” Callie continued. “It is a bad idea to put yourself back in a trauma room without knowing the repercussions. You know I’m right.”
“No, I don’t,” Arizona said bitterly. “But it’s not your choice. It’s mine. You got me here and for that I will always be grateful, but I know that I’m ready. Waiting for something else to change is gonna drive me insane. This is as good as I’m going to get.”
Callie looked sad as she shook her head, starting to feel resigned. “I won’t sign off on it,” she stated, watching Arizona’s eyes widen in disbelief. “As your surgeon, I will not sign off on an order for you to return to work. It’s against my professional, medical advice, and I will tell the Chief that if I have to.”
Arizona finally laughed because she didn’t know what else to do. “Fine. If you won’t do it, then I will find a surgeon who will.”
The silence between them was thick and ugly. It took a long time before Callie could make use of her voice again. The fight left in her drained away. “Fine. If that’s what you want, then fine.” She brushed by Arizona, grabbing her purse and heading to the bedroom with her jaw clenched tightly. She felt completely numb after the brutal exchange.
Arizona stood rooted to the spot, biting down hard on her bottom lip until she heard Callie’s bedroom door slam shut behind her. Only then did she allow herself to sink onto the empty couch and bury her face in her hands, struggling against the urge to throw furniture and scream until her lungs bled.
---
Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 29-B
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
Click to view---
Continued from 29-A…
***
Thirty minutes turned into an hour and a half, which negated their bubble bath plans and left very little time before they had to leave for the night. Callie waited until she was a human prune before climbing out of the tub and draining the water. She was disappointed but also somewhat worried, as Arizona was usually too tired after her appointments to go anywhere. For nearly two hours to pass without her coming home was unusual.
Just as she tied the sash on her robe and went in search of her phone, Callie heard the front door open and close, followed by the scuffle of hurried feet. She felt relieved for the most part, but equally as curious and a tiny bit annoyed.
“Hey,” Arizona called out, dropping her workout bag just inside the bedroom door, slightly winded but seemingly upbeat. “I am so sorry, I got caught up with some stuff at the hospital.”
Callie accepted a quick peck on the cheek as Arizona breezed by her into the bathroom, frowning when it wasn’t accompanied by any sort of explanation. “Oh?” she said carefully, trailing after her.
“Long story,” Arizona said as she pushed down her yoga pants and sat on the closed toilet to undress. “I’ll fill you in later, I promise.”
“Okay…” Callie’s brow creased. “Is everything all right?”
Arizona grinned. “More than. But I’ve gotta grab a quick shower before we have to be at dinner. Can’t arrive all stinky.”
Callie watched as the blonde undid the straps holding the brace together and slid it off with carefully practiced ease. Either she was imagining things or Arizona was avoiding eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You seem kind of…”
Arizona stood up and braced a hand along the wall for balance. “Everything’s perfect,” she repeated. “I’ll be really quick and then we can go.”
Callie blinked when the bathroom door closed abruptly in her face, cutting off any further inquiries she might have had. “Okay then,” she mumbled to herself, shaking her head in bewilderment. The shower started and she heard Arizona get in.
Since a sexy bubble bath was out of the question and they really did need to leave soon, she turned her focus to choosing an outfit for the night. Knowing what to wear when she was meeting the most important person in her significant other’s recovery took more than five minutes of preparation.
***
Jumbled thoughts and emotions rolled loosely around Arizona’s head as she waited for the water to heat up. She felt jittery, partly because they were now running behind schedule and she was rushed, and partly because the excitement she had been trying to suppress for weeks was now rising to the surface. None of it had sunk in until she spoke to the Chief and he reiterated how serious he was about hiring her. Now that the ink was still fresh on her first major contract, Arizona was buzzing.
More than anything she wanted to share that excitement with Callie, and though the words were on the tip of her tongue as soon as she walked through the door, she decided to hold off for now. They had a busy night ahead and rushing the big reveal would be a shame. It was something that Callie had worked just as hard for and it was a moment Arizona wanted the two of them to share together. She had even stopped for a bottle of champagne at the wine store down the block and hidden it in her gym bag before coming home.
In the very back of her mind, a place she had become adept at compartmentalizing things over the years, she worried about alternative reactions. She hadn’t told Callie any of this beforehand, not her conversations with Chief Webber lately nor the official contract offer she knew was coming. Arizona wanted things to be firm and finalized before she broke the news. The surprise was half the fun. This signaled a return to normalcy for the first time since they met, it was a huge deal for her.
Having decided that the information could sit for a few hours without spoiling, Arizona stepped under the hot spray and eased herself into the shower chair. The dinner party would be a fun way to spend the evening and have a meet-and-greet for all the new people in her life. Later tonight she was reserving for just the two of them.
***
Not for the first time that evening, Callie found herself smoothing down the front of her chosen black cocktail dress. They stood on the front stoop of Sergeant McGoudry’s house, waiting for the chorus of barking to subside and the door to open. “Are you sure this looks okay? I don’t want to be over dressed,” she asked again, casting a nervous glance in Arizona’s direction.
Arizona shot her a quirky smile and linked arms. “Are you kidding me? You look gorgeous,” she reiterated. “The guys aren’t going to be able to take their eyes off you.”
Callie didn’t know about that, but then she didn’t have the slightest clue what to expect. It was a casual dinner with a small group of people from Dan and Arizona’s circle, but she didn’t want to go in jeans and a t-shirt. She’d settled on a simple black dress that wouldn’t be considered too dressy, with a neckline that was low but not too low, and a pair of black pumps. By the time they arrived, she was starting to think the extra height made her look like a giant. Judging by the drool she’d had to mop off of Arizona’s chin, however, she’d hit a home run in her girlfriend’s eyes.
Arizona herself had gone for a more casual look, mostly because it was comfortable and jeans were better able to hide the brace underneath. A loose-fitting but stylish blue top brought out the colour of her eyes and dressed the ensemble up a little, and she applied make up for the first time in a long while. Having an excuse to wear something other than yoga pants or pajamas was thrilling.
The best part of tonight was definitely having such a stunning woman on her arm. Arizona was busy staring at Callie like she was the dessert course when a woman in her mid-50s opened the door. Callie’s sharp elbow snapped her attention forward again.
“Arizona, it is so nice to finally meet you,” Cassandra gushed, ushering them inside and immediately exchanging hugs with both women. “And you must be Callie. We’ve been looking forward to having you over for weeks.”
Like her husband, there was a friendly sparkle in her brown eyes and a warmth that radiated from her smile. She was tall, maybe half an inch shorter than Callie when she wasn’t in heels, and shared a similar blonde tint in her hair to Arizona, with a few strands of grey already peeking through. She reminded Arizona of her mother ten or fifteen years ago, back when their relationship had been normal and happy.
“Please excuse the apron,” Cassandra explained, gesturing to the one she wore over a white blouse and pencil skirt. “The boys are busy raiding my kitchen and if I don’t cover up, dinner will end up all over me instead of your plates.”
Callie snickered as she shrugged off her jacket, which Cassandra promptly took. “Must be a military thing. You should see when Arizona tries to bake, it’s like our kitchen exploded.”
Arizona scoffed. “That was one time,” she argued, though if her memory served right, the mess had been pretty epic.
Soon they were greeted by two noisy hounds circling their feet, busy tripping over each other in the rush to gain the visitors’ attention. Callie kicked off her heels and stooped low to scratch behind Tango’s ears. The Australian Shepherd went limp and rolled to expose his belly, causing a big grin to stretch across her face. Tank gave her fingers a quick sniff and a friendly lick, then bounded over to paw at Arizona’s leg with a welcoming ‘woof’.
Arizona picked the Chihuahua up and flipped him over like an infant, letting him sprawl across her forearm. “I missed you too, yes I did,” she cooed, scratching his belly and carrying him into the living room with Callie and Tango trailing close behind.
Two men emerged from the kitchen and another chorus of greetings flowed their way. Daniel stepped over and gave Arizona a big hug, doing the same with Callie. “I’m glad you both came. Arizona won’t stop talking about the famous Dr. Torres,” he told her, shaking her hand. “I’d love to hear about your cartilage regeneration projects if you have the time.”
Callie shot Arizona a wide-eyed look and received a silly grin in return. She smiled bashfully at Daniel. “She’s probably over-exaggerating, but thank you. I’m happy we can finally sit down and not just wave at each other from a distance.”
The next person to step over was an unfamiliar face, but the double prosthetics she glimpsed had to make him Adam. She hadn’t heard much about other group members from her girlfriend since she started going, but his name had popped up a few times over the last several weeks. He was strikingly good looking, with the chiseled cheek bones and stylish mess of dark hair that she tended to like in guys. She knew nothing about what happened to him or how long he had been a war amputee, but he was perpetually cheerful and the type of person to let most things roll off his shoulders, or so she had been told. The fact that Arizona admitted to being intimidated by him in the past surprised Callie as his friendly demeanor immediately put her at ease.
Adam gave her hand a firm shake and introduced himself, fixing Callie with a toothy smile. “Wow. Robbins is pretty tight-lipped most days, but she wasn’t kidding when she said you were gorgeous,” he said, smoothing a hand along his five o’clock shadow.
Arizona, who had flopped down on the nearby couch and was now wrestling with the dog in her arms, looked up and narrowed her eyes. “Hey. You already have three girlfriends, keep your paws off of mine.”
There was nothing predatory about the way Adam flirted in the company of her girlfriend, as though it was just a part of his easy-going, friendly nature, so Callie found herself blushing again. “I’m gonna choose to say thank you and leave it at that,” she laughed.
Adam grinned widely, his dimples almost matching Arizona’s.
“Ben couldn’t make it?” Arizona asked.
Daniel shook his head. “Not tonight. Neil, a good friend from my Ranger days, also had to cancel. Looks like it’s just the five of us, but we’ll persevere.”
“I need to borrow you for a minute in the kitchen, dear,” Cassandra said to her husband. “Then you’re free to play with your friends.”
Dan bowed his head and followed his wife with a twinkle in his eye. “Yes ma’am.”
While those two disappeared and Adam went to grab something from his car, Callie sat beside Arizona on the couch and took part in lavishing the two dogs with attention for a few minutes. Tango eventually settled at her feet, while Tank already seemed firmly attached to Arizona. The smile on the blonde’s face was infectious and full of a different kind of joy than Callie usually saw.
“Thank you for coming,” Arizona said, meeting her soft brown eyes as she scratched behind Tank’s ears. He wiggled happily in her lap and then stepped over onto Callie’s.
She picked him up before too much fur could collect on her dress and laughed as his back feet danced around mid-air. “Good food, good company, and furry balls of love? Count me in every time.” She gave him a quick kiss on the head and Tank’s tongue lashed out, aiming for her face.
“Callie, can I interest you in a drink?” the Sergeant asked as he re-entered the room. “The beer is non-alcoholic and usually tastes like dirt, but it does the trick. We also have several iced drink varieties in the fridge, or so I’m told.” He gestured through the kitchen at the back door visible beyond the archway. “I’d love it if you’d join me on the deck while the sun is shining. My lovely wife just put the finishing touches on a new patio set and insists it get some use.”
“Sure,” Callie agreed, casting a look at her girlfriend. “Arizona?”
“I’m good,” Arizona said distractedly, her gaze focused intently on Tank, who had crawled back into her lap. A small smile played across her lips and she seemed more relaxed than she’d been all week in the presence of the tiny animal. She wasn’t really the baby-talk kind of girl these days, but she couldn’t help but murmur quiet terms of endearment to the little furball.
“I’ll keep her company,” Adam said as he reappeared from outside. He took up the recliner across the room and turned the television on to a European soccer match.
Callie nodded and left Adam and Arizona in the living room, following Dan into the kitchen to grab a glass of freshly brewed iced tea. Cassandra stayed to finish up dinner and, after insisting that Callie relax instead of help out, ushered their guest and her husband outside.
***
One of the things Arizona had come to like about Adam was that although he was chatty, the conversation never seemed forced. They talked idly about his past experiences at a World Cup of soccer for a few minutes while she settled back on the couch with Tank nestled against her side.
“Man, I miss being able to run like that,” Adam said after a period of comfortable silence passed. A replay flashed across the screen of a striker deking around the defence and breaking out for a goal.
Arizona was surprised to see him looking so wistful. He prided himself on living in the moment and not dwelling on the past or what happened to him. It was one of the things she had come to admire about him the most.
She glanced at the television and felt a pang of empathy. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”
They shared a brief, knowing smile before he shrugged it off, absently trailing his hand across the upper portion of his left prosthetic. “It is what it is. I’m grateful I can still do what I can, but sometimes it just sucks to be reminded, you know?”
Arizona hummed in reply, thinking of the numerous times she had overheard Cristina and Meredith - and even Callie - at home, talking about what an incredible and lengthy surgery they had accomplished that day. It hurt less now that she was going back to work, but a part of her knew there would always be a limit on how much she could handle. It was hard to accept that she would never be what she once was. Something she had learned from people like Dan and Adam was that it was never too late to reinvent yourself. She tried to keep that in mind as often as possible these days.
“Did I ever tell you I played footy in college?” Adam asked out of the blue, drawing her attention back to him. He didn’t look agitated, per se, more nostalgic and even a little bit sad. When Arizona shook her head, he elaborated without taking his eyes away from the game. “I was pretty good, too. Actually had a chance at some scholarships, maybe even to go pro if I worked hard enough.”
It was definitely a new and surprising bit of information. It made Arizona realize that, despite Adam’s openness about his disability, she knew very little about him. He talked about his emotional struggles and his physical reality to other vets during meetings, but he hardly ever spoke about himself on a more personal level. Maybe they were even more alike than she’d realized.
“What made you enlist?” she asked, sitting up as Tank wiggled himself comfortably between her thighs. It surprised her how willing the little bundle of energy was to sit in one place for so long.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Adam sighed, his forehead creased in thought. “Patriotism? Family history? All of that junk. That’s just what Barclay men did, we served our country and we did it with pride. I never really questioned it.”
Arizona absently worked her fingers along Tank’s haunches as she thought back to her own experiences. “It was the same with my family, only I’d never planned on serving. There wasn’t really any pressure from my dad about it; he seemed happy when I went into med school instead. Told me I was doing good, that I’d make a difference in my own way.”
“What changed?”
Arizona licked her lips. “My brother,” she began, pausing to gather her thoughts on the matter. “He died in Iraq in ‘06 and it changed things. It changed me. I don’t know if I felt guilty or obligated or…” She trailed off and shrugged. It was something she had never really been able to figure out. “So I signed up. Tried to make a difference over there even though it was already too late for him.”
Adam was watching her intently, obviously intrigued. She had never mentioned Timothy to anyone but Daniel before. Sharing wasn’t really her thing in a group setting, so for the most part she just listened to the others speak and took strength from them. It was easier to talk to Dan one-on-one about her struggles.
“I had already finished my residency, so the rest just kind of fell into place. There was such a shortage of surgeons over there that for a while it was satisfying. It felt like the right thing to be doing.” Arizona dropped her eyes to the canine in her lap and for a moment the little guy blinked back up at her. “It didn’t make me miss him any less. I think maybe I thought it would. I was on autopilot for three years just trying to forget everything that happened.”
Adam dipped his head respectfully. “Sounds like you two were close. I’m sorry you lost him.”
“I’m sorry you lost your legs,” Arizona said quietly. Even though she hadn’t known him before or worked with his unit, it always gutted her to take away a person’s legs. There was rarely anything a surgeon could do when it came to IED blasts, but sometimes just keeping them alive didn’t feel like enough.
“Do you regret it?” Adam asked eventually. “Knowing what happens to you, would you change things if you could go back?”
That was a question Arizona still asked herself to this day and not once had the answer ever changed. “Honestly? I have no idea,” she laughed, speaking the truth.
Some people wouldn’t get it, why she couldn’t just jump on the chance to say yes, she wished she had never gone over there after everything that went wrong. It just wasn’t that simple; there were two sides to every coin. Even though those three years had been difficult, she had saved more people than she could count. She had trained other medical staff that would go on to save others in return. The biggest factor was Callie, whom she never would have met had she not been so severely injured. On the flip side, her life wouldn’t be in shambles and she would never have turned into the complete stranger she saw every time she looked in the mirror.
Something told Arizona that she didn’t need to explain herself to Adam of all people. She tilted her head and studied him in return. “Would you?”
Adam looked down at his legs, fingering the edge of the above-knee socket, and remained silent for quite a long time. There was probably no more confusing question to ask someone in their position.
“I don’t know either,” he said eventually. The veterans shared a knowing smile and he shook his head in bemusement. “Ain’t that the bitch of it?”
Arizona chuckled and lifted Tank up to nuzzle against his ear. “Amen.” Tank barked his agreement.
***
The sun was slowly starting to fade to the west, but its heat blanketed the land and Callie’s skin eagerly soaked up what vitamin D it could. She had spent so much time at work lately that she had barely seen the sun in over a month. The born-and-raised Miami girl still living inside her craved the summer months and those long bouts of sun tanning and floating around in a pool. The days before medical school when she lived at home seemed light-years in the past compared to where she was now.
Settling in a comfy wicker chair with a fresh glass of iced tea in hand, Callie crossed her legs and released a sigh of contentment. Daniel seated himself to her right and Tango dutifully flopped down at his feet.
“I honestly don’t remember the last time I either dressed up or sat down without falling asleep,” Callie mused. “Or had someone else cook for me.”
“I have to admit that it’s a pretty nice change,” Dan chuckled, leaning back. “Once upon a time, I barely saw my family for more than a few minutes every three days or so. Since I retired from active duty and met Cassie, I hardly know what to do with all of this spare time.”
“I get the impression Arizona’s starting to feel the same way,” Callie said. “She didn’t mind taking it easy at home in the beginning but these days there are pace marks burned into my floor.”
“She’s been pretty excited about this brace you’ve been building,” he added. “How did her appointment go today, if you don’t mind me asking?”
It was hard not to feel excited after the day’s events. “She nailed it,” Callie grinned. “Her physical therapist likes what he sees and we’re both confident it’ll get her back in the OR. Arizona says she’s feeling pretty ecstatic about the whole thing.”
“Ah, that’s great,” the older gentleman said, visibly relieved. “I’ve been told you surgeons aren’t happy unless you’re cutting someone open.”
“Well, she’s still got a ways before that can happen,” Callie replied. “We agreed when I started this thing that we’d see where she’s at in a month. It takes a hell of a lot of energy to be on your feet for that many hours a day. Rushing it won’t do her any good.”
“Something tells me she’s not the patient type.”
Callie could only laugh. “I figured that out in the first hour I met her. You wouldn’t believe the stories. She actually ran away on me twice.” She fished out the straw floating around between ice cubes and sucked down a healthy portion of iced tea. What she wouldn’t give for a large outdoor patio at home for the two hours of sunlight Seattle got every summer.
“She really hasn’t stopped talking about how much you’ve done for her since we met,” Daniel told her as Tango got up and shuffled between humans. “Sounds like this brace is only the most recent miracle you’ve pulled off.” He lifted a brow, curiosity piqued. “It’s quite remarkable, what you two have been through together.”
“Tell me about it,” Callie smirked. She just about inhaled the last half of her drink, earning a major case of brain freeze for her trouble, though the flavour burst was worth it. The cooling sensation trickled down the back of her throat and sent a blast of much-needed sugar to her bloodstream. If it weren’t for the company of Arizona’s mentor, she probably would have fallen asleep out of sheer bliss.
Daniel stretched his stiff leg out in front of him and picked up a pair of sunglasses from the bistro table nearby, sliding them up his nose. They coexisted in silence for a while, absently watching a squirrel hop across the yard and dig up a buried acorn from a nearby rose bush. Callie was starting to see the no-pressure, infinitely patient demeanor that Arizona had told her about. He was a good person to have in her girlfriend’s life.
“I’m glad she talks to you,” she blurted, darting a quick look his way. “I mean, she talks to me, but not about that stuff. Not in detail. Which I get, I just worry sometimes that she’s too hard on herself.” Ice swirled around her empty glass as she fiddled with the straw again. “I’m happy she’s opening up and talking to someone. Thank you for doing that for her.”
Daniel tilted his head thoughtfully, continuing to watch the squirrel. “She does, for the most part. She’s pretty quiet when she comes to meetings, especially around the rest of the boys, but she’s doing well. I don’t get the sense she’s too keen on struggling in the public eye.”
“She’s proud,” Callie said. “To a fault, even. I think she gets it from her dad, though he’s not really in her life much anymore.”
“I hope you know how much your support has helped guide her through recovery,” Daniel added. “Having someone to lean on is paramount. You got her to seek help and that’s huge. Cassie was my pillar of strength in the beginning - that woman had no reason to stick around through the crap she put up with, but she did and I love her even more for it.”
“It hurts to see Arizona struggle. I wouldn’t walk away for the world,” Callie replied.
“Just make sure you take care of yourself too,” he remarked. “Sometimes that can be the most difficult part. I think she worries about you.”
Callie chuckled to herself and raised a brow. “Surgeons never really get any sleep as it is.”
“Still, if you ever feel like you need some guidance of your own, my wife has said she’s more than willing to talk with you.” He glanced over his shoulder at the door leading inside. “She’ll probably tell you herself before you leave today, but in case she doesn’t get the chance, she’s been through it all. Trust me when I say I didn’t make it easy on her at times. Our phone line is always open - for both of you.”
Callie could hardly fathom what Daniel and Cassie had been through. Arizona told her what little she knew, which basically amounted to ‘it was really awful’. Part of her didn’t even want to know the details, especially since those two were such a loving and inspirational pair now. Whatever it was, they had conquered it together. “Tell her thanks. I might take her up on that sometime.”
Daniel stood to refill their drinks from a pitcher sitting on the table. “Don’t mind an old man’s nosy tendencies,” he added. “Arizona lights up whenever you pop into the conversation and it’s always nice to put a face to the legend.”
Callie tried and failed to stifle the goofy grin that started to form. She knew Arizona loved her but hearing someone else say it like that made her giddy. “Yeah?”
Daniel smiled and returned to his seat. “Though I have to say, of all the ways to meet someone, you two are the first doctor-patient case I’ve had come through my doors.”
Callie groaned and briefly closed her eyes. “It’s a really big no-no in my line of work. Trust me when I say I don’t go around romancing all of my patients.” She fiddled with the glass still nestled in her hands and swiped a thumb through droplets of condensation. “With Arizona, it was just…different. We connected. She came into my life when I was going through something and we helped each other.” A soft sigh escaped her lips and she looked sheepish. “I try not to question a good thing. She makes my life better and I don’t want to imagine it without her.”
Daniel’s smile stretched wider and Callie suddenly blushed, realizing she had just spilled a boatload of mush on a virtual stranger. “Sorry,” she laughed weakly, rubbing her brow. “It’s been a long week and I get sappy when I’m tired.”
“Ah, hell, I’m glad to hear it,” he said, waving off the apology. “If two people love each other and you can lean on that person in the worst of times, I’m never going to question how it happened.” He raised his drink to her. “My best wishes to you both.”
Callie was smiling again when the back door slid open and Adam came lumbering out. The surgeon in her recognized signs of discomfort that came with wearing prosthetics for long periods of time, but to look at him otherwise you couldn’t tell. The same charming grin that had greeted her upon arrival ignited and he took up a short ottoman between the two of them, swiveling to face her directly.
“Everything okay?” Callie asked, instinctively worrying about Arizona’s absence.
“She’s glued to the dog,” Adam mused, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve never seen that thing sit in one place for so long. Pretty sure the little bugger’s going to stow away in your trunk. You’ve got some real competition, Sarge. You too, Torres.”
That made Daniel laugh. “If I ever need a dog sitter, I’ll know who to call.” He winked at Callie as he dropped a hand to ruffle Tango’s ears. “They’re pains in the ass sometimes but they’re good for the soul. They can pick up on a person’s energy and make even the worst days seem a little bit better.”
“Amen to that,” Adam grinned. “Wouldn’t be where I am without Sasha, my service dog.”
“Huh,” Callie hummed, surprised that she hadn’t thought about that before. “They used to do animal therapy visits when I was in university. I remember them bringing a troupe of critters through the dorm around exam period.”
“The same idea applies. There are places that train canines for emotional support, service dogs for PTSD as well as physical ailments,” Dan added. “Tank’s not trained for it - that takes years and thousands of dollars - but he’s an old soul in a shoe-sized body. I’ve always thought he can tell when someone needs help. Might be why they’ve taken to each other.”
That was an avenue Callie had yet to think of. She mulled the idea over and stored it in the back of her brain for another time. Getting a dog wasn’t as simple as picking up a Chia Pet from Wal Mart - and even that she had accidentally killed when she was a teenager.
“So, doc,” Adam began, reaching towards the plate of fresh cut veggies sitting on the table. “My girl Arizona tells me you’re something of an expert when it comes to bionic limb research.”
Callie’s eyes widened. “She did?”
Adam nodded, crunching on a celery stick. “Well, she used the words ‘awesome’ and ‘genius’ in the same sentence at one point, and she said you’ve looked into the field before. I figured most studies focused on arm amputations for the obvious reasons, but I’ve been hearing things about legs and nerve grafting or something. Got me curious.”
“It’s not my specialty but I’ve been keeping up with the latest studies,” she said. “What did you want to know?”
Adam shoved the remaining chunk of celery into his mouth and grunted. “Here, take a look at this.”
If Callie was surprised at his willingness to discuss his disability with someone he hardly knew, it was nothing compared to when he suddenly popped off his left leg entirely and handed it over. “What-”
“Bet you’ve never seen one of these before,” the soldier grinned, wiggling his brow as she tried to cover up the initial shock.
Callie blinked and dropped her eyes to the above-knee prosthetic. She turned it over in her hands and studied the mechanics. The layout was definitely familiar. “I think I read some studies on this model when it was a prototype a few years back. One of my first attendings was working on traumatic amputation bionics and got me interested in the subject.” She glanced up. “Who’s your prosthetist?”
“David Nolan,” Adam said. “His office is just outside the city but he’s awesome. He got me into one of the first marketable pairs with high-end hydraulics about six months back. I’m somewhat of a guinea pig nowadays, testing it out and helping with some sort of market research for the manufacturer. See how smooth it flexes?” He pointed to the back of the joint, which Callie immediately leaned in to study closer.
She got lost in the conversation with Adam while Daniel sat back and listened. Adam definitely had himself a fine set of top-notch prosthetics, but Callie could understand the desire for something with a little more versatility in physical activities. Brain mapping had huge implications for anyone with prosthetics in the coming decades.
Half an hour passed before the patio door slid open and Cassandra emerged, wiping her hands on a tea towel.
“Five minutes ‘til dinner, lady and boys,” she announced. “Callie, honey, Arizona wanted me to tell you that your beeper went off. Do you have to leave already?”
Callie stood up and frowned. “I’m not on call but I’d better check anyway. Excuse me.” She hurried by them and stepped back inside the air conditioned home.
Arizona was right where Callie had left her, only now she was sprawled horizontally on the couch with her leg elevated on a pillow and Tank the Chihuahua curled up on her hip. A giant, half-empty glass of iced tea sat on the side table directly behind her head.
While Callie fished her cellphone from her jacket pocket, she smirked at her girlfriend. “Made yourself at home, I see.”
Arizona grinned sheepishly. “Cassie’s work. She could tell I was a bit tired and suddenly it was like a spa service I wasn’t allowed to turn down. She’s a real sweetheart.” Tank raised his head and blinked docilely in Callie’s direction while Arizona scratched behind his ears.
“You really love that little guy, don’t you?” Callie asked as she sat next to them on the couch. The dog melted as two sets of hands lavished him with attention, leading Callie to believe that his name was somewhat of an oxymoron.
“I love dogs,” Arizona admitted. “We always had one around when I was a kid, I just haven’t had time to care for any since I went into med school. And then residency, then overseas, etcetera. I miss it sometimes.”
“I know what you mean,” Callie sighed, shifting her attention from the dog to lightly stroke Arizona’s forearm with her fingertips. “Maybe someday when we get out of that tiny apartment we can get one.”
Arizona raised her eyes and started to smile. “I’d like that,” she said quietly, meaning the inference of such a future together more than anything.
Thankfully the message for Callie was just an update on one of her patients and required no further action other than a thirty-second phone call. Just as she hung up, the others trickled in from outside and they were summoned to the table for dinner.
When Daniel spoke of his wife’s talents in the kitchen, he hadn’t been over-exaggerating. For five people there was a roasted chicken with pan gravy, several vegetable sides that came fresh from their backyard garden, and a lemongrass risotto that smelled heavenly. The others were just as hungry as Arizona, which made her feel less sheepish for wolfing down the first course in no time flat. She and Callie had been relying on take-out for almost a week now and nothing compared to a delicious home-cooked meal.
Since alcohol was absent in the house, they had brought a sparkling fruit cider from the local market with them in place of wine. It disappeared in no time. The conversation flowed as easily as the drinks, varying from old military stories from the boys to surgical shockers from Callie. Arizona listened more than she spoke but she was just as absorbed in the chatter as everyone else.
Just when Callie thought she might burst from the double servings of every dish, Cassandra cleared their plates and set a gourmet chocolate cake down, drawing a chorus of excitement from everyone present.
“Oh my god,” Arizona half laughed, placing a hand on her belly. “Callie, you’re going to have to roll me to the car later.”
“You’re assuming I’ll be in better shape than you,” Callie teased, taking her hand underneath the table. “We might need a cab.”
“We’ve gotta fatten you up before you go back to work next week,” Adam spoke up, drawing their attention across the table. “You’ll need reserves if you’re gonna make it through those hellish long shifts I’ve been hearing about.” He speared a decent sized chunk of cake with his fork and pointed it in Arizona’s direction. “Keep eating, Robbins.”
“Next week?” Callie furrowed her brow and turned to Arizona. “What’s he talking about?”
Arizona grimaced and forced out a smile for the sake of the table. It wasn’t Adam’s fault, this just wasn’t how she had pictured the news coming out. It was awkward. “I, um…I was going to surprise you when we got home, actually,” she began.
Adam looked guilty for spilling the beans and ducked his attention back to his food.
“Surprise me with what?” Callie asked again.
“I talked to Chief Webber today, after my appointment,” Arizona said slowly, poking at the cake Cassandra had set in front of her. “We’ve reached a verbal agreement and he’ll have the final contract for me to sign in two days. I’ll have my own office space and a place on the surgical roster as of a week from now.”
Speechless, and also very aware that they were in the presence of company, Callie didn’t quite know how to react. She caught Daniel’s eye briefly across the table and saw him wearing the same puzzled expression she was feeling. They had just talked about Arizona’s initial pledge to wait and be patient only a short time ago.
“I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to rush things,” Callie said carefully, avoiding prolonged eye contact and taking a sip of water for something else to do.
Despite Arizona’s initial guilt for keeping it a secret, she couldn’t understand why Callie was being so defensive. “I’m not,” she countered, doing a quick sweep of the table. “Really, today went great and I’m ready to get back to work. There’s already going to be a couple of weeks in the skills lab and brushing up on my reading, and I’ve got to outline a whole new way to run the ER if we want our trauma status back. It’s not as crazy as it sounds.”
There were a few friendly murmurs of congratulations and Cassandra initiated a toast, to which everyone clinked glasses. Arizona appreciated the gesture but the only person whose opinion she was concerned with in the long run was Callie’s.
“Really, this is a good thing,” she repeated, desperate for some sort of glimmer of happiness from the other woman. “This is what we’ve been waiting for.”
Callie couldn’t quite bring herself to answer. She didn’t know how she felt. The table was extremely quiet all of a sudden and the last thing she wanted was to bring down the mood, so she forced out a smile for everyone else’s sake. “Okay. That’s great.” She left it at that and took a bite of chocolate cake. Even the thieving squirrel in the backyard wasn’t convinced by her performance.
It wasn’t exactly the elated response Arizona had been hoping for. She frowned at Callie, who was refusing to look at her directly, while Adam picked up the conversation again and turned it to other things. She finally relented and tried to involve herself in the newest topic without really succeeding. Callie slipped her hand away under the table and Arizona didn’t feel it again for the rest of the meal.
The atmosphere was more subdued following the off-kilter exchange, though nonetheless it was a pleasant evening overall. Callie and Arizona took their leave shortly after dessert, citing an early morning as their excuse, and profusely thanked their hosts for a wonderful meal. Arizona kept shooting her partner quick looks while they put their shoes on at the door and got nothing in return.
She fidgeted the whole fifteen minute car ride home, trying numerous times to engage Callie in small talk while never getting more than a few words bounced back her way. By the time they entered their apartment, the cold shoulder act was really starting to piss her off.
“If you’re mad that I told Adam before you, it just slipped out while we were talking,” Arizona said when they were finally inside. Her eyes followed Callie as she dumped her purse on the kitchen counter. “I wanted to surprise you when we were alone together.”
“I know that,” Callie said neutrally, wishing she was better at adding inflection when it was really needed. “I’m not mad that you told him first.”
When she once again failed to elaborate, Arizona gritted her teeth and limped into the living room while Callie tidied up the extra blankets lying around. “Enough with the passive-aggressive bullshit. If you have something to say to me, then say it.”
Callie closed her eyes and stood up straight, tension now pinching her shoulders. “Arizona, I’m tired, okay? Can we just not do this right now?”
“No!” Arizona moved around to face her from the front, fixing her with an incredulous stare. “You’re the one that wanted me to stop running away from our problems. Well, here’s a problem and here’s me standing my ground. What has got you so mad?”
Arizona’s defensiveness only raised Callie’s hackles. “Fine! I think you’re rushing it,” she stated, throwing both hands up before dropping them roughly to her sides. “I think you made a stupid, premature mistake today by going to the Chief.”
“Huh. Yeah, I totally see what you mean,” Arizona said slowly, crossing her arms and raising her eyes to the ceiling in mock thoughtfulness. “I must be a real moron for accepting a lucrative contract offer at one of the best teaching hospitals in the country. I don’t know what I was thinking. Must be all that brain damage or something.”
“I didn’t say that,” Callie snapped, biting her tongue to try and rein in the sharp edge in her voice. “But yeah, I think it was a mistake. It is day one and you’re already planning on going back to work in a week? What the hell made you think that was a good idea?”
“I’m not exactly jumping back in the OR for twelve hours on my first day,” Arizona said bitingly. “God, give me some credit here. I need practice and I need resources to catch up on the last year I’ve missed out on. I’m heading up a huge department, Callie, it’s more complicated than just cutting.”
“You’re risking everything that you’ve worked for by jumping in face-first. You can’t honestly expect me to get behind that.”
“Yes, actually, as crazy as it seems, I thought you would be happy for me,” Arizona retorted, throwing out her hands in confusion. “Is that so insane? A few weeks ago you were over the moon at the idea of working together. Now all of a sudden I’m an idiot for signing on the dotted line?”
Callie scoffed and turned away again, pacing across the living room. “You didn’t even ask me before you talked to him, Arizona. That right there tells me you knew it was too fast.”
Arizona cocked an eyebrow. “I thought you’d react like my girlfriend, not like my surgeon.” Her teeth ground together as the food in her stomach suddenly turned sour. “You’re supposed to be giving me the benefit of the doubt here, not just the doubt.”
“Don’t you dare play that card with me,” Callie growled, pointing an accusing finger in her direction. “I have worked my ass off to help you and you know how much I want you to be happy. But this, this isn’t the way to do it. Not one day after you’ve been given the go-ahead to use the brace without crutches. You won’t last two hours in the OR yet. You could be putting a patient’s life at risk.”
The accusation stung like a slap in the face. “Wow. I never knew you thought so little of me,” Arizona said, suddenly cold as ice.
Callie regretted the words almost immediately but it didn’t change how she felt. “The Chief and the Board don’t care about your wellbeing, they care about money and status,” she said adamantly, taking a step closer. “And I know you. It won’t just be a few weeks in the skills lab and research in your office. You’ll find an opportunity and you’ll force yourself back in the OR sooner, regardless of the physical demands on your body.”
“Callie-”
“What is so hard about waiting a few more weeks?”
“Because it’s always going to be a few more weeks!” Arizona shouted, stepping away and breaking the distance they had closed. “I’m done waiting! I’m done being useless and never having anything going for me. I’m done being a freaking house pet and getting a pat on the back every time I walk to the bathroom and back on my own. I went to Webber because for the first time in almost a year, I’m excited about my life again. I have possibilities, a future. All I wanted was a little support from my girlfriend and maybe a vote of confidence.”
“You have my vote of confidence,” Callie argued.
“Well you have a funny way of showing it.” Arizona pursed her lips. “You were the one who told me to go for the September pediatrics fellowship, remember? Well, it’s September. How was that any different?”
“That was months ago and we didn’t know how far along you’d be. Things are different now.”
“Because you’re still fixated on steering me away from the trauma position?”
Callie was just about ready to pull her hair out. They were talking in circles and she knew that getting Arizona to see reason was like headbutting a brick wall over and over again. “Of course I want this for you. You know I’m on your side, I have been from day one.”
“Suddenly not so sure,” Arizona muttered bitterly.
“You should have come to me first and talked about it,” Callie said loudly. “You agreed not to jump the gun while I was building the brace and then you went and did it anyway! And let’s not forget that your physical disability is the least of your worries right now.”
Part of her felt like an asshole for pulling that into the conversation but it was true. Arizona had good nights and bad, and they could never tell when the awful ones were coming. In Callie’s mind, when Arizona went back to work, she was supposed to be completely prepared. Who knew what could happen otherwise.
Arizona looked betrayed and it gutted Callie. Nonetheless, she stood her ground. “I love Dan and his wife, and I think you’re doing a good thing by working with him, but he is not a surgeon. He doesn’t know what it’s like. If you’re walking back into a trauma room, maybe you should think about what it’s going to do to you when you see something that reminds you of what happened.”
“You are not a shrink, Callie,” Arizona said icily, fighting back the hard lump in her throat.
“No, I’m not, but I am one-hundred percent healthy, I have function in both of my legs, and I’m exhausted after an eighteen hour day,” Callie said bluntly. “You’ve been on your feet for small parts of the afternoon and your leg is practically shaking.”
“Yeah, because I’m pissed off!” Arizona said hotly, crossing her arms again.
Callie ignored her. “What about when you have a bad night? Or what if you have another flashback while you’re at the hospital?”
Hearing Callie voice all of Arizona’s deep-seeded fears triggered a rush of anger all over again. “My abilities as a surgeon aren’t for you to question!” she yelled. “How dare you assume that I’m incapable of doing my job. You don’t have the slightest clue what you’re-”
Callie cut her off and kept going. “If you do this, Arizona, you’re risking a setback that could derail all of the progress you’ve made. You’re risking your wellbeing by walking into a situation that you might not be ready for.”
Arizona was already shaking her head, caught somewhere between furious and extremely upset. Of all the people to come at her like this, she had least expected it from Callie.
“Dan is a good person but he’s not a psychiatrist,” Callie continued. “It is a bad idea to put yourself back in a trauma room without knowing the repercussions. You know I’m right.”
“No, I don’t,” Arizona said bitterly. “But it’s not your choice. It’s mine. You got me here and for that I will always be grateful, but I know that I’m ready. Waiting for something else to change is gonna drive me insane. This is as good as I’m going to get.”
Callie looked sad as she shook her head, starting to feel resigned. “I won’t sign off on it,” she stated, watching Arizona’s eyes widen in disbelief. “As your surgeon, I will not sign off on an order for you to return to work. It’s against my professional, medical advice, and I will tell the Chief that if I have to.”
Arizona finally laughed because she didn’t know what else to do. “Fine. If you won’t do it, then I will find a surgeon who will.”
The silence between them was thick and ugly. It took a long time before Callie could make use of her voice again. The fight left in her drained away. “Fine. If that’s what you want, then fine.” She brushed by Arizona, grabbing her purse and heading to the bedroom with her jaw clenched tightly. She felt completely numb after the brutal exchange.
Arizona stood rooted to the spot, biting down hard on her bottom lip until she heard Callie’s bedroom door slam shut behind her. Only then did she allow herself to sink onto the empty couch and bury her face in her hands, struggling against the urge to throw furniture and scream until her lungs bled.
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