The Promiscuous Escapades of a Blonde Bombshell: Chapter Seven
Masterpost
Quick note, I do not own the songs mentioned and/or sung in this chapter. Also, there are certain similarities between one of the characters and a few characters from other media. This was unintentional.
As it turned out, my fears were completely unfounded. The video was down by the end of the day and, as far as I knew, none of the partners saw it. They spent all day in a conference, debating taking on some really important client. Should they take them on? If they do, who will be the main liaison? How much should they ask for? With the numbers I heard thrown around, I could guess that money was no object with these people, whoever they were.
As soon as the work day was up, I headed toward the elevator. I rode it down to the basement and saved Nick from Bill’s exceptionally vicious tirade. He chatted happily as we searched for his car. A lot happier than he usually is after a day with Bill. The joy didn’t let up the whole ride home. When we got to the top of the stairs, he paused and looked down.
“Spit it out, Nick. It’ll make it a lot easier if you just say whatever it is.”
He half-smiled and looked at me. “I’m going to skip the party tonight. I didn’t sleep well last night and I need a chance to recoup. You’re not mad, are you?”
“At you?” I clarified. When he nodded, I said, “Of course not. I wish I could take a break as well, but Mars is planning on running me ragged, I think. I won’t get a normal night’s sleep until I can prove that I’m over Josh.”
“Why don’t you just tell her that you’re over him and be done with it if you hate this so much?”
“It’s not that I hate it.” And I didn’t. “It’s that it’s just not something I do, you know? Did you know that a video of me and Stephen on the pool table ended up on YouTube?”
“Seriously?” Nick looked honestly concerned.
“Yeah. I could’ve gotten fired over it if the partners saw. Thankfully, they didn’t but I was scared all day.”
“But it’s still up, isn’t it?”
“No.” Nick relaxed visibly. “It got taken down by the end of the day. Still, it scared me that this could do that.”
“Maybe you could tell Mars that and get her to call it off. Or tell her you’re over Josh,” he suggested again.
“If I told her I was over Josh, she’d see right through me.” He gave me a questioning look. “Because I’m not over him yet. And this is helping me forget him. So, I’ll keep doing it, but be more careful about it.”
“Have Mars watch for cell phone cameras tonight,” he told me.
“That’s a given.”
“Bye,” he said as he turned toward his apartment.
“See you in the morning,” I called. I opened my apartment door and was greeted with a very thoughtful Mars. “What’s up?” I asked cautiously.
“What?” she said. “Oh, I was just thinking of how you’ll look in your outfit tonight.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mars, can’t I pick out my own outfits?”
“Oh, yes, you certainly can. However, tonight you only have one option.” She held up her index finger.
“And why is that?”
“Because David called me today. He said while you were dancing with Stephen, and yes I do know about the YouTube video,” she said as I tried to interrupt. “Lucy called me using the emergency contacts list. Anyway, David saw a sign that he asked Trip about. It’s costume night tonight!” She looked positively giddy with the concept. I felt afraid.
“Costume night? Really? Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. I wouldn’t make this up, would I? Well, I would,” she admitted when she saw the look I gave her, “but I’m not. Especially since I know what one costume you have hanging in your closet.”
“Oh, no.”
“Oh, yes.”
“Mars, it’s so overdone!”
“But so very you. You have the hair color to pull it off. I’ll just curl it under and pin it so your hair looks like it’s been cut in a bob.”
“Well, what are you going as? Maybe we can trade. I know you have a wig to go with mine.”
“You won’t like my costume.”
“Maybe I will.”
“You won’t.”
“Well, maybe I will.”
“Trust me, you won’t.”
“What is it, so I can decide for myself?”
“An exotic dancer.”
Shoot. She’s right. I don’t like it.
She knew she’d won. “So, while I find my two piece sparkle bikini and purple fishnets, can you put on the Marilyn Monroe dress?”
“Fine. But I can’t say I’ll like it.”
“I didn’t say you had to. You just have to look hot.”
“That’s easy.”
“Hey, don’t go getting a big head, now.”
“Go get dressed, you slutty little dancer.”
She flounced off to her room and I went to mine. I reached into the back of my closet and pulled out the classic white Marilyn Monroe dress. I’d bought it for one costume party freshman year of college, and Mars has made sure I’ve worn it to every costumed event since. She was right, I did have the right hair color for it and she could pin my hair under in just the right way. A dash of bright red lipstick and I was a good imitation at a glance.
But I felt like such a sell out. Sticking with a classic. However, I didn’t have any other ideas or potential plans, so I slipped into the dress and waited in the bathroom for Mars to come do my hair.
Forty-five minutes later, I was sitting patiently on the couch while Mars covered herself in body glitter of various shades. I didn’t even know she had that much body glitter. David knocked and I answered the door. He was standing there in perfectly normal clothes.
“Well, hello, Miss Monroe.”
“And what are you supposed to be, exactly?”
“A serial killer.”
“A serial killer. Huh. You don’t look much like a serial killer. Shouldn’t you have blood spatter or a weapon or something?”
“My prop is in the car.”
“Of course it is. Don’t want to scare the neighbors.”
He snickered. “Something like that.” He looked around the living room. “Where’s Mars?”
“Getting ready.”
“Ah. I see. And what is my girl going as tonight?”
“Why don’t you look for yourself?” she commented. She was leaning seductively against the wall, her bejeweled swimsuit entirely normal, except for the fact that she had put it together with purple fishnets, five inch heels, heavy make-up, and massive amounts of body glitter. Instead of looking like she should be on a beach, she looked ready for a seedy club in Las Vegas.
“Mm-mm-mm!” David walked over to Mars and pulled out his wallet. He thumbed through it, and then stuck a one dollar bill in her cleavage.
“Thank you very much sir,” she said. “But that just gets you a look, no touching.”
“A look is all I need.” The two of them were silent for a moment, and then burst out laughing.
“So you like it?” Mars asked.
“Like it? Love it! But I don’t think you should try to earn your free drinks tonight. Some guy might get the wrong idea, then I have to break his face, and then I end up in jail for defending your honor. You don’t want that, do you?”
“Of course not.” She petted his face. “Not unless I’m allowed conjugal visits.” She smacked his cheek like a grandmother would do to her favorite grandson and grabbed the three inch cloth circle that would be her purse tonight. It held a few dollars and a tube of Chapstick. And it would be carried in my tiny little bag that matched my dress. Why she’s even bothering with it, I don’t know. We made it down to the car, having decided that the whole “two cars” thing was ridiculous. I opened the back door and saw David’s prop.
Heh-heh. Cereal killer.
His prop was a box of Captain Crunch with a plastic knife shoved through the forehead of the Cap’n.
I moved it to the driver’s side of the back seat so he could get it out more easily when we got to The Purple Coconut, the pulled all of my skirt inside. I’d had a bad experience before with a skirt hanging out the door as I drove, and I wasn’t about to repeat the event.
The Purple Coconut was in full party swing when we got there. It had about the same number of people as it did the rest of the week, but these people took up a lot more space tonight. The idea of a personal bubble didn’t seem to exist as people bumped into each other and didn’t look back. I prayed there weren’t any other Marilyn Monroe look-alikes here tonight, then stepped inside.
There was karaoke set up in the corner and I heard a few lines of “Margaritaville” being drunkenly shouted out. I caught sight of a purple suit matched with green hair behind the bar before I realize Trip had decked himself out as The Joker of Batman fame. Tori Mae had the other half of the name covered by a luau outfit: grass skirt and coconut bra. I forced my way over to Tori Mae and caught her attention.
“Hey,” she called over the noise of the crowd. “Not many problems here tonight. There’s one guy down there that’s moping around. He snapped at Trip and threatened to call the manager before he found out Trip was the manager. And his complaint was that the music was too loud! What a party pooper.”
“Which guy is it?”
“The one staring into the pint of beer. Not hard to miss. He needs an attitude adjustment.” She handed me my drink and waved me off.
I pushed my way down the bar, Ruby Pineapple in hand. I saw a man in a kilt with punk highlights looking at his beer like he was trying to figure out how to drown himself in it. Tori Mae was right. He needs a major attitude adjustment. I sat myself down next to him and stared straight ahead. I knew the Marilyn dress was working because I could feel his eyes drawn to the low v-neck that threatened to slip and expose me to the world.
“Nice jugs. Mind if I have a drink?”
I gagged on my Ruby Pineapple, trying not to spit it out all over the counter. “That is, without a doubt, the most inappropriate pick-up line I have ever heard!” I said indignantly. Then I smiled, twisting my outburst to the situation. “Congratulations. You win.” I lifted my glass to toast him, and then took a sip.
“Excellent,” he said. “What did I win?”
“My attention for the night. Sydney,” I said, holding out my hand for him to shake.
He took it. “Richard.”
“Richard,” I repeated. “Can I call you Dick?”
“Ha. Freaking. Ha,” he said sarcastically. “No. You can call me Richard.”
“Well, Richard, you need to cheer up a bit, or you could lose my attention. Prizes can be revoked, you know.”
He gave me a glare that made me think of the phrase “if looks could kill.” “Why should I cheer up? My ex is here with another guy, and they are all over each other in a corner over there.” He pointed toward the pinball machine Stephen had attacked me behind last night. Wow, was it really just last night? I vaguely saw a woman’s hand scraping across a back through the crowd.
“Well, you could get back at her by chatting up a Marilyn Monroe look-alike,” I pointed out.
“True,” he conceded. “She did quite envy Marilyn Monroe.” This worked out easier than I thought. “So, any relationships for you?”
“Just ended one,” I said.
“Who broke it off?”
“He did.”
“Well, then he’s a fool.”
“Among other things.”
“How long?”
“Six months.”
He let out a low whistle. “Damn. That’s a long time. And you’re already over him?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
“Well, the best way to get back at him is by chatting up a tattooed man wearing a kilt the traditional way.”
“Really?” I asked. “First, might I ask, what is the traditional way to wear a kilt?” I picked up my drink and took a sip again.
“Without underwear.”
I gagged again. “I guess I can’t drink anything around you, now can I?”
“I guess not. Now, what was second?”
“Oh, what kind of tattoo and where is it?”
He opened his shirt and showed me a sun with a pentagram in the middle on the right side of his chest. I reached out to touch it. “Does it mean anything?”
“It’s to ward off demonic possession.”
I withdrew my hand.
Then he moved the opening to the left side of his chest. Right over his heart were the words, “For Pony.”
“And who exactly is Pony?”
“That’s what I called my girlfriend. When she saw it, she flipped and broke it off with me. That was three weeks ago and now she’s over there with some other guy.”
“How long had you been together?”
“About a week.”
A week and he gets a tattoo? I’d break it off too.
“Well, that just shows that you’re devoted.”
“That’s what I said! But she said I had obsessive tendencies, and she couldn’t make it work with someone who would be that passionate that soon. AND,” he paused for dramatic effect, “she said she didn’t like the nickname Pony.”
“No!” I gasped. I can’t blame her. “So she broke it off, just like that?”
“Just like that.” He snapped his fingers.
I leaned in. “Well then she’s a fool as well.” He seemed to know what I was doing, and he closed his eyes and parted his lips.
It was then that I saw another Marilyn Monroe over his shoulder. I didn’t know if they had the face to match, because she had her back to me and was flirting with this guy.
A very familiar guy.
A very familiar guy that I never wanted to see again.
“Excuse me for a moment,” I said to Richard. I jumped off the bar stool and started searching for Mars. It wasn’t hard. I just tried to find the crowd of guys watching something with more attention than they paid to the Super Bowl. Soon enough, I saw the mob and caught a glimpse of a body brushing off all their advances. I fought my way through the salivating field of testosterone and yelled her name.
She looked up and saw me. “Excuse me, boys. I need to have a word with Miss Monroe here.” They groaned as she walked away. “I’ll be back. Don’t worry.” We got a fair distance from them and she asked, “What’s up?”
“Josh is here.”
Her face suddenly went from a smile to a snarl. “Where is he? I’ll tear him limb from limb.” She started to push up her sleeves, and then realized she had none, and stalked off in the direction I had come from to find him.
“No, no, no,” I said, grabbing her arm. “He didn’t see me yet. He doesn’t know I’m here. We can get out now. Leave him here with his Marilyn Monroe.”
So his new bitch is Marilyn also?” Mars seemed more offended by this than the fact that he was here. “That is so low. It’s like he’s getting a cheap you to replace you. I can’t believe him. If one of us went over there, he’d tell her you’re obsessive and crazy…” She trailed off and got a thoughtful look in her eye. “You know what? Go do what you were doing. I’m going to go talk to the karaoke guy.”
“Karaoke?” I asked as she made her way through the crowd. “Mars, you know I can’t sing!” She just waved me off. “Damn it,” I muttered to myself and found my way back over to Richard. He was right where I left him.
“Sorry about that,” I apologized.
“No problem. What happened?”
“My ex is here now.”
“Really?” He looked interested. “And would he be threatened by a Scottish warrior such as myself?”
“Possibly,” I admitted. “But I think one of my friend’s has a plan to help me get back at him. Or, at least, it’s another dig at him.”
“And does this plan involve making out with a complete stranger in front of him?”
“Yes.”
That’s when I heard over the speaker system, “Would the pissed off dumped girl dressed as Marilyn Monroe please make her way to the mini stage?”
I kind of hate Mars sometimes.
“But I think it involves me singing karaoke first. Come watch me?”
“Sure.”
I did as Mars had commanded and headed to the mini stage. She handed me a microphone and pointed out Josh in the audience.
“Dedicate it to him,” she whispered in my ear.
“Is it even a song I know?”
“Yes. Just nod to the machine man when you’re ready to start.” She jumped off the stage and sat next to the guy running the karaoke machine. The way her arm was draped around him made me think she had worked some magic to jump me up in the line.
I took a deep breath and looked out into the crowd. “This one is for Josh.” He heard his name and looked up. Seeing me at the microphone, his eyes bugged out of his skull. I pointed right at him and people looked. “The jerk who broke my heart.” I was actually excited to do this now. He seemed scared of what I was getting ready to do. Never mind that I don’t exactly know what I’m getting ready to do. I nodded toward Mars and then a familiar opening played over the speakers. I nodded my head to the beat, and then got up close to the microphone to sing. Thank you, Taylor Swift, celebrity who sings every girl’s true feelings.
“State the obvious, I didn’t get my perfect fantasy.”
Well, that’s the understatement of the year.
“I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me.”
That’s true enough. Or, at least, he loved getting laid more than he loved me.
“So go and tell your friends that I’m obsessive and crazy.”
So that’s what keyed Mars to this song.
“That’s fine, I’ll tell mine that you’re gay.”
Too bad some of them have dated you and know that’s a lie.
“And by the way… I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
Well, you never let me drive the Volvo, anyway.
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
Actually, you’re quite good at lying. Unfortunately.
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
Because there’s apparently a lot of it.
“As far as I’m concerned you’re just another picture to burn.”
Maybe I should have burned them instead of throwing them away.
“There’s no time for tears. I’m just sitting here, planning my revenge.”
I had time for tears. Mars planned my revenge.
“There’s nothing stopping me from going out with all of your best friends.”
Except for the fact that I don’t know who any of them are.
“And if you come around saying sorry to me,”
Yeah, that’s really going to happen.
“My daddy’s gonna show you how sorry you’ll be!”
Maybe not my dad, but Mars definitely will.
“Cause I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
Why didn’t he ever let me drive the Volvo?
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
If he were bad at lying, it would have been over after two months.
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
I’ll have to dig those pictures out of the trash to burn them.
“As far as I’m concerned you’re just another picture to burn.”
During the instrumental break, I caught sight of lots of different people. Tori Mae was cheering me on, as were Mars and David. Trip looked amused. Josh looked like he was trying to figure the best way to get out without being seen, but the eyes that weren’t on me were on him to watch his reaction to this display.
“And if you’re missing me, you better keep it to yourself.”
He better not give me false hope.
“Cause coming back around here would be bad for your health.”
Mars would definitely mess him up. Nick might help.
“Cause I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
I kind of do hate that Volvo now.
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
He’s not much of a redneck, though, is he?
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
I’ll just throw a match in the trash can when I get home.
“In case you haven’t heard, I really, really hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
Stupid, shiny Volvo. Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
He shattered my heart.
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
And I want to forget him.
“As far as I’m concerned you’re just another picture to burn.”
He’s nothing to me.
“Burn, burn, burn, baby, burn.”
He’s nothing to me.
“Just another picture to burn.”
He’s nothing to me.
“Baby, burn.”
I wish I could believe he’s nothing to me.
I dropped the microphone and reached to Richard on the ground. I pulled him up on the stage and, without stopping to think or ask, kissed him. He kissed back, strong and into it. He pulled me off the stage, breaking contact with my lips temporarily.
“Is this for the jackass’s benefit?” he asked.
“And for Pony’s.”
“Fair enough.”
We stayed glued at the lips, pushing through the crowd and to a wall. I was gasping. I was actually getting into it this time. I wasn’t disgusted and detached like before. Seeing Josh had pushed me over the edge and I was losing my grip. I wanted to forget him and this was the only plan I had at the time. So I pushed back against Richard’s hungry kisses, trying my hardest to empty my mind and just feel. Give in to sensations. I told myself I wanted this, wanted him, wanted anyone, actually, get this empty feeling out of my heart.
I pushed my hands into his hair, playing with the blue and red highlights. I thought about the tattoos and wondered if his skin was soft around them. He wrapped his arms around my back, and then slid his hands down to by butt. I felt him squeeze it gently, but I didn’t really care. I was totally lost.
Then Richard said something that brought me back to my senses.
“You want to take this somewhere more private?”
I shook my head slowly. This wasn’t how to get rid of the sadness. Mindless sex would make me hate myself in the morning and hate Richard for doing it to me and hate Josh for driving me to it. The best way to forget was to keep up the good feelings, not create bad ones. I had to stick with the tease plan or I’d end up in even deeper than I was before.
“I think that would be a very bad idea. For me, at least.”
His eyes were unfocused, but he nodded. “Fair enough.” He turned around and saw a girl dressed as a Playboy bunny. “You! Sexy!” She turned around and looked at him. Then she looked at the kilt. “What’s your name?”
“De,” she replied. I think she liked the kilt. She wouldn’t stop staring at it.
“De, do you want to see my tattoos?”
“That depends. Will I get to show you mine?”
“As long as they’re hidden by that costume.”
There’s not much hidden by that costume. Ohhh… Understanding hit me. She smiled at him.
“Well, the opossum is.”
“I’d like to see the opossum.”
“I’d like to show it to you.”
They walked out the doors of the bar, his hand on her butt and hers around his waist.
“That is the fastest, weirdest hook-up I have ever seen,” I commented.
“I’ve seen weirder,” Trip responded from his spot behind the bar. I jumped. I hadn’t realized he was there. He handed me my second Ruby Pineapple. “So, yesterday you call me your boyfriend and today you blast your ex and make out with a dude in a skirt right in front of me. I’m starting to think you may not be the best girlfriend material.”
“Shut up,” I replied. Real mature, Cass. “And it was a kilt, not a skirt.”
Trip rolled his eyes. “Please. Had a girl been wearing it, she could have passed for a Catholic schoolgirl. Plaid and pleated.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about this.”
“Fine. Then don’t.”
“Fine. I won’t.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” We stood with our backs to each other for a few seconds. Then the two of us burst out laughing.
“So, what was this weirder couple that you’ve seen?” I asked.
“John and every girl actually he takes home.”
I snickered at that. “So I take it doesn’t get girls that often?”
“No. Monday, you were the first one to show interest in him all month.”
“Wow. You’d think he’d learn to change his tactics.”
“Well maybe he will now that he’s been gotten at by Sydney, ‘the cruell’st she alive!’”
“I still can’t believe he called me that.”
“Me either.”
“You know, I wouldn’t like to get on your bad side,” he said.
“That’s easy,” I said. “To stay on my good side, just don’t make assumptions about me. Oh, and don’t dump me.”
He nodded and turned away. “If I had you, I wouldn’t ever want to dump you,” he muttered. I don’t think I was supposed to hear him. Before I could think over this startling new development, Mars came at me, shouting.
“Cass, that was amazing!” she congratulated me. “You should have seen Josh’s face. He looked like someone had caught him for drug possession. Total deer in the headlights. Absolutely priceless. Then he grabbed that Cass McCall wannabe and dragged her out. She was so confused, and probably doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together. He totally downgraded.” She sounded so happy.
“That’s great, Mars.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked. She had noticed my less enthusiastic response. “Is it just the fact that he had someone else?”
“No,” I admitted. “It’s the fact that him being here almost made me do something really stupid. I already made a fool of myself last night and video proof of it ended up on the internet. Then tonight, I make myself sound like some deranged ex bent on destroying him. I don’t want to be that. And I don’t want to go to desperate lengths to try to forget when I know they won’t work.”
“Well, what do you want?” she asked.
“I want to go home.”
She looked at my face and nodded. “Okay. We’ll go home. I’ll go find David and we’ll get going. Why don’t you stand by the car in the parking lot? Get out and clear your head.”
“Sounds good.” I exited The Purple Coconut to someone’s high-pitched singing of “I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” I found the now-familiar car easily. That’s when I saw the silver Volvo I knew even better stalled on the side of the road. And a guy walked back toward The Purple Coconut, probably to ask for a phone number for a tow company. I ducked down behind David’s car as Josh approached the tiki-lit porch. As he passed the car, I moved around the front and then to the other side, staying hidden the whole time. I felt like a bit of an idiot, but I didn’t want to see him after what had happened with the karaoke. I dearly hoped that Mars and David got out here before Josh came back out.
I also hoped Mars didn’t run into Josh. I didn’t feel like bailing her out of jail tonight.
Sure enough, Mars and David came bursting out the door a few minutes later, laughing. I caught a few opening notes of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.”
“What’s so funny?” I asked, standing up straight so they could see me.
“Why are you hiding behind the car like that?”
“I dropped my purse,” I lied. “Now, what did I miss?”
“Oh, Mars just sang a little song and did a little dance to it. Nothing much,” David replied.
“What song?” I was scared to even think about what it could have been.
“Just a little Cobra Starship,” she laughed. That didn’t ease my fears. “It’s called ‘Prostitution Is the World’s Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am a Professional).’”
I just looked at my best friend. She’d dressed like an exotic dancer and sang a song about prostitutes on karaoke night. What am I going to do with her?
“Get in the car, you two,” I said. I pulled fruitlessly on the door handle until David unlocked the doors. As Mars was coming around the front of the car to get in the front seat, a hobo came out of the shadows.
“Excuse me, miss,” he said in his raspy voice. The three of us weren’t sure what was going on. Then he held up a dollar. David rolled his eyes and Mars strutted over to the hobo, and leaned over. He stuck the dollar bill in her cleavage and then wandered off down the side of the building. Next to the dumpster, he just kind of fell over. A few seconds later, we heard snoring.
Mars looked at the poor hobo, spending what might have been his only dollar to touch her boobs. She scrounged all the money she’d collected out of the top and held out her hand to David. He pulled a few more dollars out of his pocket, probably ones that she had earned, but couldn’t fit. But they might have been his own. I hadn’t brought any money, otherwise I would have cleaned out my wallet as well.
Mars slipped off her shoes so they wouldn’t make any noise, and then snuck down the side of the building. She folded the money over and placed it in the hobo’s pocket. Then, as quietly as she had gone down there, she came back toward us. She grabbed her shoes and got in the car.
The drive home was not very relaxing. Mars was talkative and thankfully didn’t notice Josh’s car on the side of the road as we pulled out. Then again, she might not have known it was his. I could see the other Marilyn Monroe sitting in the front seat, staring out the windshield.
I kept thinking about her. Who was she and was she the one Josh had been seeing for four months? Did she know he was seeing me at the time? All this was weighing on my mind as I showered and got in bed. I worried over Richard and what I had almost done with him. I was so out of character for me. It felt like I was becoming someone else.
And I wasn’t sure if I liked it.
Chapter Eight
Quick note, I do not own the songs mentioned and/or sung in this chapter. Also, there are certain similarities between one of the characters and a few characters from other media. This was unintentional.
As it turned out, my fears were completely unfounded. The video was down by the end of the day and, as far as I knew, none of the partners saw it. They spent all day in a conference, debating taking on some really important client. Should they take them on? If they do, who will be the main liaison? How much should they ask for? With the numbers I heard thrown around, I could guess that money was no object with these people, whoever they were.
As soon as the work day was up, I headed toward the elevator. I rode it down to the basement and saved Nick from Bill’s exceptionally vicious tirade. He chatted happily as we searched for his car. A lot happier than he usually is after a day with Bill. The joy didn’t let up the whole ride home. When we got to the top of the stairs, he paused and looked down.
“Spit it out, Nick. It’ll make it a lot easier if you just say whatever it is.”
He half-smiled and looked at me. “I’m going to skip the party tonight. I didn’t sleep well last night and I need a chance to recoup. You’re not mad, are you?”
“At you?” I clarified. When he nodded, I said, “Of course not. I wish I could take a break as well, but Mars is planning on running me ragged, I think. I won’t get a normal night’s sleep until I can prove that I’m over Josh.”
“Why don’t you just tell her that you’re over him and be done with it if you hate this so much?”
“It’s not that I hate it.” And I didn’t. “It’s that it’s just not something I do, you know? Did you know that a video of me and Stephen on the pool table ended up on YouTube?”
“Seriously?” Nick looked honestly concerned.
“Yeah. I could’ve gotten fired over it if the partners saw. Thankfully, they didn’t but I was scared all day.”
“But it’s still up, isn’t it?”
“No.” Nick relaxed visibly. “It got taken down by the end of the day. Still, it scared me that this could do that.”
“Maybe you could tell Mars that and get her to call it off. Or tell her you’re over Josh,” he suggested again.
“If I told her I was over Josh, she’d see right through me.” He gave me a questioning look. “Because I’m not over him yet. And this is helping me forget him. So, I’ll keep doing it, but be more careful about it.”
“Have Mars watch for cell phone cameras tonight,” he told me.
“That’s a given.”
“Bye,” he said as he turned toward his apartment.
“See you in the morning,” I called. I opened my apartment door and was greeted with a very thoughtful Mars. “What’s up?” I asked cautiously.
“What?” she said. “Oh, I was just thinking of how you’ll look in your outfit tonight.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mars, can’t I pick out my own outfits?”
“Oh, yes, you certainly can. However, tonight you only have one option.” She held up her index finger.
“And why is that?”
“Because David called me today. He said while you were dancing with Stephen, and yes I do know about the YouTube video,” she said as I tried to interrupt. “Lucy called me using the emergency contacts list. Anyway, David saw a sign that he asked Trip about. It’s costume night tonight!” She looked positively giddy with the concept. I felt afraid.
“Costume night? Really? Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. I wouldn’t make this up, would I? Well, I would,” she admitted when she saw the look I gave her, “but I’m not. Especially since I know what one costume you have hanging in your closet.”
“Oh, no.”
“Oh, yes.”
“Mars, it’s so overdone!”
“But so very you. You have the hair color to pull it off. I’ll just curl it under and pin it so your hair looks like it’s been cut in a bob.”
“Well, what are you going as? Maybe we can trade. I know you have a wig to go with mine.”
“You won’t like my costume.”
“Maybe I will.”
“You won’t.”
“Well, maybe I will.”
“Trust me, you won’t.”
“What is it, so I can decide for myself?”
“An exotic dancer.”
Shoot. She’s right. I don’t like it.
She knew she’d won. “So, while I find my two piece sparkle bikini and purple fishnets, can you put on the Marilyn Monroe dress?”
“Fine. But I can’t say I’ll like it.”
“I didn’t say you had to. You just have to look hot.”
“That’s easy.”
“Hey, don’t go getting a big head, now.”
“Go get dressed, you slutty little dancer.”
She flounced off to her room and I went to mine. I reached into the back of my closet and pulled out the classic white Marilyn Monroe dress. I’d bought it for one costume party freshman year of college, and Mars has made sure I’ve worn it to every costumed event since. She was right, I did have the right hair color for it and she could pin my hair under in just the right way. A dash of bright red lipstick and I was a good imitation at a glance.
But I felt like such a sell out. Sticking with a classic. However, I didn’t have any other ideas or potential plans, so I slipped into the dress and waited in the bathroom for Mars to come do my hair.
Forty-five minutes later, I was sitting patiently on the couch while Mars covered herself in body glitter of various shades. I didn’t even know she had that much body glitter. David knocked and I answered the door. He was standing there in perfectly normal clothes.
“Well, hello, Miss Monroe.”
“And what are you supposed to be, exactly?”
“A serial killer.”
“A serial killer. Huh. You don’t look much like a serial killer. Shouldn’t you have blood spatter or a weapon or something?”
“My prop is in the car.”
“Of course it is. Don’t want to scare the neighbors.”
He snickered. “Something like that.” He looked around the living room. “Where’s Mars?”
“Getting ready.”
“Ah. I see. And what is my girl going as tonight?”
“Why don’t you look for yourself?” she commented. She was leaning seductively against the wall, her bejeweled swimsuit entirely normal, except for the fact that she had put it together with purple fishnets, five inch heels, heavy make-up, and massive amounts of body glitter. Instead of looking like she should be on a beach, she looked ready for a seedy club in Las Vegas.
“Mm-mm-mm!” David walked over to Mars and pulled out his wallet. He thumbed through it, and then stuck a one dollar bill in her cleavage.
“Thank you very much sir,” she said. “But that just gets you a look, no touching.”
“A look is all I need.” The two of them were silent for a moment, and then burst out laughing.
“So you like it?” Mars asked.
“Like it? Love it! But I don’t think you should try to earn your free drinks tonight. Some guy might get the wrong idea, then I have to break his face, and then I end up in jail for defending your honor. You don’t want that, do you?”
“Of course not.” She petted his face. “Not unless I’m allowed conjugal visits.” She smacked his cheek like a grandmother would do to her favorite grandson and grabbed the three inch cloth circle that would be her purse tonight. It held a few dollars and a tube of Chapstick. And it would be carried in my tiny little bag that matched my dress. Why she’s even bothering with it, I don’t know. We made it down to the car, having decided that the whole “two cars” thing was ridiculous. I opened the back door and saw David’s prop.
Heh-heh. Cereal killer.
His prop was a box of Captain Crunch with a plastic knife shoved through the forehead of the Cap’n.
I moved it to the driver’s side of the back seat so he could get it out more easily when we got to The Purple Coconut, the pulled all of my skirt inside. I’d had a bad experience before with a skirt hanging out the door as I drove, and I wasn’t about to repeat the event.
The Purple Coconut was in full party swing when we got there. It had about the same number of people as it did the rest of the week, but these people took up a lot more space tonight. The idea of a personal bubble didn’t seem to exist as people bumped into each other and didn’t look back. I prayed there weren’t any other Marilyn Monroe look-alikes here tonight, then stepped inside.
There was karaoke set up in the corner and I heard a few lines of “Margaritaville” being drunkenly shouted out. I caught sight of a purple suit matched with green hair behind the bar before I realize Trip had decked himself out as The Joker of Batman fame. Tori Mae had the other half of the name covered by a luau outfit: grass skirt and coconut bra. I forced my way over to Tori Mae and caught her attention.
“Hey,” she called over the noise of the crowd. “Not many problems here tonight. There’s one guy down there that’s moping around. He snapped at Trip and threatened to call the manager before he found out Trip was the manager. And his complaint was that the music was too loud! What a party pooper.”
“Which guy is it?”
“The one staring into the pint of beer. Not hard to miss. He needs an attitude adjustment.” She handed me my drink and waved me off.
I pushed my way down the bar, Ruby Pineapple in hand. I saw a man in a kilt with punk highlights looking at his beer like he was trying to figure out how to drown himself in it. Tori Mae was right. He needs a major attitude adjustment. I sat myself down next to him and stared straight ahead. I knew the Marilyn dress was working because I could feel his eyes drawn to the low v-neck that threatened to slip and expose me to the world.
“Nice jugs. Mind if I have a drink?”
I gagged on my Ruby Pineapple, trying not to spit it out all over the counter. “That is, without a doubt, the most inappropriate pick-up line I have ever heard!” I said indignantly. Then I smiled, twisting my outburst to the situation. “Congratulations. You win.” I lifted my glass to toast him, and then took a sip.
“Excellent,” he said. “What did I win?”
“My attention for the night. Sydney,” I said, holding out my hand for him to shake.
He took it. “Richard.”
“Richard,” I repeated. “Can I call you Dick?”
“Ha. Freaking. Ha,” he said sarcastically. “No. You can call me Richard.”
“Well, Richard, you need to cheer up a bit, or you could lose my attention. Prizes can be revoked, you know.”
He gave me a glare that made me think of the phrase “if looks could kill.” “Why should I cheer up? My ex is here with another guy, and they are all over each other in a corner over there.” He pointed toward the pinball machine Stephen had attacked me behind last night. Wow, was it really just last night? I vaguely saw a woman’s hand scraping across a back through the crowd.
“Well, you could get back at her by chatting up a Marilyn Monroe look-alike,” I pointed out.
“True,” he conceded. “She did quite envy Marilyn Monroe.” This worked out easier than I thought. “So, any relationships for you?”
“Just ended one,” I said.
“Who broke it off?”
“He did.”
“Well, then he’s a fool.”
“Among other things.”
“How long?”
“Six months.”
He let out a low whistle. “Damn. That’s a long time. And you’re already over him?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
“Well, the best way to get back at him is by chatting up a tattooed man wearing a kilt the traditional way.”
“Really?” I asked. “First, might I ask, what is the traditional way to wear a kilt?” I picked up my drink and took a sip again.
“Without underwear.”
I gagged again. “I guess I can’t drink anything around you, now can I?”
“I guess not. Now, what was second?”
“Oh, what kind of tattoo and where is it?”
He opened his shirt and showed me a sun with a pentagram in the middle on the right side of his chest. I reached out to touch it. “Does it mean anything?”
“It’s to ward off demonic possession.”
I withdrew my hand.
Then he moved the opening to the left side of his chest. Right over his heart were the words, “For Pony.”
“And who exactly is Pony?”
“That’s what I called my girlfriend. When she saw it, she flipped and broke it off with me. That was three weeks ago and now she’s over there with some other guy.”
“How long had you been together?”
“About a week.”
A week and he gets a tattoo? I’d break it off too.
“Well, that just shows that you’re devoted.”
“That’s what I said! But she said I had obsessive tendencies, and she couldn’t make it work with someone who would be that passionate that soon. AND,” he paused for dramatic effect, “she said she didn’t like the nickname Pony.”
“No!” I gasped. I can’t blame her. “So she broke it off, just like that?”
“Just like that.” He snapped his fingers.
I leaned in. “Well then she’s a fool as well.” He seemed to know what I was doing, and he closed his eyes and parted his lips.
It was then that I saw another Marilyn Monroe over his shoulder. I didn’t know if they had the face to match, because she had her back to me and was flirting with this guy.
A very familiar guy.
A very familiar guy that I never wanted to see again.
“Excuse me for a moment,” I said to Richard. I jumped off the bar stool and started searching for Mars. It wasn’t hard. I just tried to find the crowd of guys watching something with more attention than they paid to the Super Bowl. Soon enough, I saw the mob and caught a glimpse of a body brushing off all their advances. I fought my way through the salivating field of testosterone and yelled her name.
She looked up and saw me. “Excuse me, boys. I need to have a word with Miss Monroe here.” They groaned as she walked away. “I’ll be back. Don’t worry.” We got a fair distance from them and she asked, “What’s up?”
“Josh is here.”
Her face suddenly went from a smile to a snarl. “Where is he? I’ll tear him limb from limb.” She started to push up her sleeves, and then realized she had none, and stalked off in the direction I had come from to find him.
“No, no, no,” I said, grabbing her arm. “He didn’t see me yet. He doesn’t know I’m here. We can get out now. Leave him here with his Marilyn Monroe.”
So his new bitch is Marilyn also?” Mars seemed more offended by this than the fact that he was here. “That is so low. It’s like he’s getting a cheap you to replace you. I can’t believe him. If one of us went over there, he’d tell her you’re obsessive and crazy…” She trailed off and got a thoughtful look in her eye. “You know what? Go do what you were doing. I’m going to go talk to the karaoke guy.”
“Karaoke?” I asked as she made her way through the crowd. “Mars, you know I can’t sing!” She just waved me off. “Damn it,” I muttered to myself and found my way back over to Richard. He was right where I left him.
“Sorry about that,” I apologized.
“No problem. What happened?”
“My ex is here now.”
“Really?” He looked interested. “And would he be threatened by a Scottish warrior such as myself?”
“Possibly,” I admitted. “But I think one of my friend’s has a plan to help me get back at him. Or, at least, it’s another dig at him.”
“And does this plan involve making out with a complete stranger in front of him?”
“Yes.”
That’s when I heard over the speaker system, “Would the pissed off dumped girl dressed as Marilyn Monroe please make her way to the mini stage?”
I kind of hate Mars sometimes.
“But I think it involves me singing karaoke first. Come watch me?”
“Sure.”
I did as Mars had commanded and headed to the mini stage. She handed me a microphone and pointed out Josh in the audience.
“Dedicate it to him,” she whispered in my ear.
“Is it even a song I know?”
“Yes. Just nod to the machine man when you’re ready to start.” She jumped off the stage and sat next to the guy running the karaoke machine. The way her arm was draped around him made me think she had worked some magic to jump me up in the line.
I took a deep breath and looked out into the crowd. “This one is for Josh.” He heard his name and looked up. Seeing me at the microphone, his eyes bugged out of his skull. I pointed right at him and people looked. “The jerk who broke my heart.” I was actually excited to do this now. He seemed scared of what I was getting ready to do. Never mind that I don’t exactly know what I’m getting ready to do. I nodded toward Mars and then a familiar opening played over the speakers. I nodded my head to the beat, and then got up close to the microphone to sing. Thank you, Taylor Swift, celebrity who sings every girl’s true feelings.
“State the obvious, I didn’t get my perfect fantasy.”
Well, that’s the understatement of the year.
“I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me.”
That’s true enough. Or, at least, he loved getting laid more than he loved me.
“So go and tell your friends that I’m obsessive and crazy.”
So that’s what keyed Mars to this song.
“That’s fine, I’ll tell mine that you’re gay.”
Too bad some of them have dated you and know that’s a lie.
“And by the way… I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
Well, you never let me drive the Volvo, anyway.
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
Actually, you’re quite good at lying. Unfortunately.
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
Because there’s apparently a lot of it.
“As far as I’m concerned you’re just another picture to burn.”
Maybe I should have burned them instead of throwing them away.
“There’s no time for tears. I’m just sitting here, planning my revenge.”
I had time for tears. Mars planned my revenge.
“There’s nothing stopping me from going out with all of your best friends.”
Except for the fact that I don’t know who any of them are.
“And if you come around saying sorry to me,”
Yeah, that’s really going to happen.
“My daddy’s gonna show you how sorry you’ll be!”
Maybe not my dad, but Mars definitely will.
“Cause I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
Why didn’t he ever let me drive the Volvo?
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
If he were bad at lying, it would have been over after two months.
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
I’ll have to dig those pictures out of the trash to burn them.
“As far as I’m concerned you’re just another picture to burn.”
During the instrumental break, I caught sight of lots of different people. Tori Mae was cheering me on, as were Mars and David. Trip looked amused. Josh looked like he was trying to figure the best way to get out without being seen, but the eyes that weren’t on me were on him to watch his reaction to this display.
“And if you’re missing me, you better keep it to yourself.”
He better not give me false hope.
“Cause coming back around here would be bad for your health.”
Mars would definitely mess him up. Nick might help.
“Cause I hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
I kind of do hate that Volvo now.
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
He’s not much of a redneck, though, is he?
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
I’ll just throw a match in the trash can when I get home.
“In case you haven’t heard, I really, really hate that stupid old pick-up truck you never let me drive.”
Stupid, shiny Volvo. Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.
“You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying.”
He shattered my heart.
“So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time.”
And I want to forget him.
“As far as I’m concerned you’re just another picture to burn.”
He’s nothing to me.
“Burn, burn, burn, baby, burn.”
He’s nothing to me.
“Just another picture to burn.”
He’s nothing to me.
“Baby, burn.”
I wish I could believe he’s nothing to me.
I dropped the microphone and reached to Richard on the ground. I pulled him up on the stage and, without stopping to think or ask, kissed him. He kissed back, strong and into it. He pulled me off the stage, breaking contact with my lips temporarily.
“Is this for the jackass’s benefit?” he asked.
“And for Pony’s.”
“Fair enough.”
We stayed glued at the lips, pushing through the crowd and to a wall. I was gasping. I was actually getting into it this time. I wasn’t disgusted and detached like before. Seeing Josh had pushed me over the edge and I was losing my grip. I wanted to forget him and this was the only plan I had at the time. So I pushed back against Richard’s hungry kisses, trying my hardest to empty my mind and just feel. Give in to sensations. I told myself I wanted this, wanted him, wanted anyone, actually, get this empty feeling out of my heart.
I pushed my hands into his hair, playing with the blue and red highlights. I thought about the tattoos and wondered if his skin was soft around them. He wrapped his arms around my back, and then slid his hands down to by butt. I felt him squeeze it gently, but I didn’t really care. I was totally lost.
Then Richard said something that brought me back to my senses.
“You want to take this somewhere more private?”
I shook my head slowly. This wasn’t how to get rid of the sadness. Mindless sex would make me hate myself in the morning and hate Richard for doing it to me and hate Josh for driving me to it. The best way to forget was to keep up the good feelings, not create bad ones. I had to stick with the tease plan or I’d end up in even deeper than I was before.
“I think that would be a very bad idea. For me, at least.”
His eyes were unfocused, but he nodded. “Fair enough.” He turned around and saw a girl dressed as a Playboy bunny. “You! Sexy!” She turned around and looked at him. Then she looked at the kilt. “What’s your name?”
“De,” she replied. I think she liked the kilt. She wouldn’t stop staring at it.
“De, do you want to see my tattoos?”
“That depends. Will I get to show you mine?”
“As long as they’re hidden by that costume.”
There’s not much hidden by that costume. Ohhh… Understanding hit me. She smiled at him.
“Well, the opossum is.”
“I’d like to see the opossum.”
“I’d like to show it to you.”
They walked out the doors of the bar, his hand on her butt and hers around his waist.
“That is the fastest, weirdest hook-up I have ever seen,” I commented.
“I’ve seen weirder,” Trip responded from his spot behind the bar. I jumped. I hadn’t realized he was there. He handed me my second Ruby Pineapple. “So, yesterday you call me your boyfriend and today you blast your ex and make out with a dude in a skirt right in front of me. I’m starting to think you may not be the best girlfriend material.”
“Shut up,” I replied. Real mature, Cass. “And it was a kilt, not a skirt.”
Trip rolled his eyes. “Please. Had a girl been wearing it, she could have passed for a Catholic schoolgirl. Plaid and pleated.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about this.”
“Fine. Then don’t.”
“Fine. I won’t.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” We stood with our backs to each other for a few seconds. Then the two of us burst out laughing.
“So, what was this weirder couple that you’ve seen?” I asked.
“John and every girl actually he takes home.”
I snickered at that. “So I take it doesn’t get girls that often?”
“No. Monday, you were the first one to show interest in him all month.”
“Wow. You’d think he’d learn to change his tactics.”
“Well maybe he will now that he’s been gotten at by Sydney, ‘the cruell’st she alive!’”
“I still can’t believe he called me that.”
“Me either.”
“You know, I wouldn’t like to get on your bad side,” he said.
“That’s easy,” I said. “To stay on my good side, just don’t make assumptions about me. Oh, and don’t dump me.”
He nodded and turned away. “If I had you, I wouldn’t ever want to dump you,” he muttered. I don’t think I was supposed to hear him. Before I could think over this startling new development, Mars came at me, shouting.
“Cass, that was amazing!” she congratulated me. “You should have seen Josh’s face. He looked like someone had caught him for drug possession. Total deer in the headlights. Absolutely priceless. Then he grabbed that Cass McCall wannabe and dragged her out. She was so confused, and probably doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together. He totally downgraded.” She sounded so happy.
“That’s great, Mars.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked. She had noticed my less enthusiastic response. “Is it just the fact that he had someone else?”
“No,” I admitted. “It’s the fact that him being here almost made me do something really stupid. I already made a fool of myself last night and video proof of it ended up on the internet. Then tonight, I make myself sound like some deranged ex bent on destroying him. I don’t want to be that. And I don’t want to go to desperate lengths to try to forget when I know they won’t work.”
“Well, what do you want?” she asked.
“I want to go home.”
She looked at my face and nodded. “Okay. We’ll go home. I’ll go find David and we’ll get going. Why don’t you stand by the car in the parking lot? Get out and clear your head.”
“Sounds good.” I exited The Purple Coconut to someone’s high-pitched singing of “I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” I found the now-familiar car easily. That’s when I saw the silver Volvo I knew even better stalled on the side of the road. And a guy walked back toward The Purple Coconut, probably to ask for a phone number for a tow company. I ducked down behind David’s car as Josh approached the tiki-lit porch. As he passed the car, I moved around the front and then to the other side, staying hidden the whole time. I felt like a bit of an idiot, but I didn’t want to see him after what had happened with the karaoke. I dearly hoped that Mars and David got out here before Josh came back out.
I also hoped Mars didn’t run into Josh. I didn’t feel like bailing her out of jail tonight.
Sure enough, Mars and David came bursting out the door a few minutes later, laughing. I caught a few opening notes of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.”
“What’s so funny?” I asked, standing up straight so they could see me.
“Why are you hiding behind the car like that?”
“I dropped my purse,” I lied. “Now, what did I miss?”
“Oh, Mars just sang a little song and did a little dance to it. Nothing much,” David replied.
“What song?” I was scared to even think about what it could have been.
“Just a little Cobra Starship,” she laughed. That didn’t ease my fears. “It’s called ‘Prostitution Is the World’s Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, Am a Professional).’”
I just looked at my best friend. She’d dressed like an exotic dancer and sang a song about prostitutes on karaoke night. What am I going to do with her?
“Get in the car, you two,” I said. I pulled fruitlessly on the door handle until David unlocked the doors. As Mars was coming around the front of the car to get in the front seat, a hobo came out of the shadows.
“Excuse me, miss,” he said in his raspy voice. The three of us weren’t sure what was going on. Then he held up a dollar. David rolled his eyes and Mars strutted over to the hobo, and leaned over. He stuck the dollar bill in her cleavage and then wandered off down the side of the building. Next to the dumpster, he just kind of fell over. A few seconds later, we heard snoring.
Mars looked at the poor hobo, spending what might have been his only dollar to touch her boobs. She scrounged all the money she’d collected out of the top and held out her hand to David. He pulled a few more dollars out of his pocket, probably ones that she had earned, but couldn’t fit. But they might have been his own. I hadn’t brought any money, otherwise I would have cleaned out my wallet as well.
Mars slipped off her shoes so they wouldn’t make any noise, and then snuck down the side of the building. She folded the money over and placed it in the hobo’s pocket. Then, as quietly as she had gone down there, she came back toward us. She grabbed her shoes and got in the car.
The drive home was not very relaxing. Mars was talkative and thankfully didn’t notice Josh’s car on the side of the road as we pulled out. Then again, she might not have known it was his. I could see the other Marilyn Monroe sitting in the front seat, staring out the windshield.
I kept thinking about her. Who was she and was she the one Josh had been seeing for four months? Did she know he was seeing me at the time? All this was weighing on my mind as I showered and got in bed. I worried over Richard and what I had almost done with him. I was so out of character for me. It felt like I was becoming someone else.
And I wasn’t sure if I liked it.
Chapter Eight