catharsis dump: kris

[kenkabu]

so i have a LOOOOT of wips. in light of recent events, the probability of me finishing 99% of them has dropped from a dubious "ehh maybe, if i finish better stuff first" to a solid "nah peace out." so i've gone through my word docs, picked a few of the ones i liked more than others, and have pasted out some paragraphs that focus on kris in some way

Comments

[kenkabu]

i'm sorry you have had to deal with this. emotions are running high right now and seems like fandom is splitting apart. please don't take hate messages to heart. i know it's hard though, if you're bombarded with them. if you can get away from the negativity in any way -- please do that. everyone is entitled to feel the way they want to about this situation but it is a no-go for me to bash other people's opinions.

please don't think i'm heaping blame on kris for this situation. yes, i do think he is responsible for his choices, and his choices have led to this current mess of a situation, but it's not like he's actively controlling how the antis are behaving and how badly things are derailing. and if the sickness rumours are true, then yes, he had more than enough reason to leave. i've never argued that he didn't have his reasons to leave. i wanted him to stay, but he clearly didn't and doesn't want that. when i spoke of selfishness in my comment (and reading the tumblr post you linked below, i realize how shitty i am to still feel this way, but) i mean his decision to hurt the other members like he did. again, i don't know his thinking, so who knows what his motivations to keep quiet were, but he really, really really hurt exo, and they're still hurting very badly. i don't think that can be disputed. so i'd like him to resolve that, even though i don't really expect it to happen...

but maybe he has apologized to them privately? over phone? texts?? who knows. but i can't give him the benefit of the doubt about that if i can't even reconcile who he is as a person anymore, you know what i mean?

yes kris is probably hurting a lot too right now, and it must have cost him a huge effort to do what he did, but since he's the one who walked away first, i can't help feeling more sympathy for the victims of his choice. i do feel bad for kris but i really don't see the other members sending him messages of support for his actions and personally, i don't think he deserves that. maybe in the future there can be reconciliation but right now, he's cut a huuuge wound into exo and exo fandom that will probably never heal completely. these aren't things i was expecting when i started liking exo, and yes, i agree with you, the kpop industry being as terrible as it is, it's not right to blame kris or exo or anything, but rather the system as a whole -- still, i am super disappointed with how things turned out.

anyway, not sure about the point of this comment... guess i'm ranting a little, sorry for heaping it on you ;;;;; but yeah k-pop as a whole is so shitty. the idol industry breeds such crazily entitled fan that everything minutely bad that happens gets magnified like a hundredfold, and hate/judgement gets tossed around soooo easily it's nauseating. what a dangerous atmosphere. i think this incident, if nothing else, has reinforced my knowledge of that!!!! bleh :(

thanks for linking that tumblr post though. it's really great to see people take the saner road, so so great. LIKE OKAY YEAH I'M SUPER UPSET AT KRIS but i'm pretty accepting of what has happened i think (at least i hope lol)... i don't have any right whatsoever demanding anything from anyone and tbf no one should have that power over another person's life, so.... good luck to kris, i guess haha. and good luck to exo!!!! i know they will come out stronger for this.

wishful thinking or not, we don't want to see the people we love hurt, so never fault yourself for that, okay ♥

[byebyeflowerboy]

Yeah, I'm doing better now but it's like, there's so many posts about what may or may not be happening now and it's like, I don't want to get hopeful again JUST as I've become okay with accepting that Kris is gone and maybe he'll still have friends in EXO anyway. Like JUST today I was able to be like, "Alright, okay, it's okay." And reblog pictures of everybody with smiles, and then it gets so confusing, trying think of what the truth is. blegh

Like, I would literally feel ten times better about EVERYTHING if I just knew what was really going on/the specific reasons for all of this but ughhhhh we may never know and IT SUCKS. ((huge frowning))

But at least EXO seems to be pulling themselves together now, at least a little. I'm just terrified for that concert coming up ughhh I hope they can get through it. After that I don't think they had anything too huge planned (hopefully, jesus christ all the injuries, fuck youuuuuu SME). siiigh

[kenkabu]

it sucks so much!!! it sucks to infinity. it's like rubbing it in our faces exactly how powerless we are as fans, watching from the outside. and speculation is really... @___@ it can get so crazy...

but dude yeah. as much as it KILLS ME to think of exo as 11, i know they'll pull through from his stronger, and previously when there was still some awkwardness between members, that'll probably be gone now. i think kris leaving has ushered in a new tide, lol. exo truly as one, united by suffering through this together ;;;;; the concert will be an emotional mess but i'm glad they're going through with it. i'm very proud of them and hope they're proud of themselves too.