This will NOT be a post about Guitar Hero
Where to begin... It's been a long time since my last actual update. I don't like the fact that I'm not writing as much. I miss making random posts three times a day. It's just been hard finding things to talk about, how to approach what I want to say. I find that much of what I have to say comes right down to flat out bitching, but then again, so are most real journals anyway. Maybe someday, when I end up some brilliant director/musician/toothpaste engineer someone's going to find this Livejournal, publish its contents, and people will look at me as a genius, rather than a slacker with little to no prospects.
That's actually untrue. I have prospects. I just wish I could do something about it.
It's that time again. I've got a bit of a malaise going. A funk, if you will. The proverbial bad cloud. I don't know what it is. I just can't seem to be happy. It's gotten bad enough to the point that people actually notice. Friday, my friends actually asked me what was wrong with me, why I was sad. There's honestly no reason. I shouldn't be upset. I shouldn't be so serious about everything. My relationship with Megan is going great. We have our moments, but I'd say, as a whole, we make a really great couple. Then why can't I be content with that? I know Megan loves me. But again, all I feel is insignificant. Like I can never make her happy. I always feel depressed because I feel like I'm not doing everything I can to make her happy. Sometimes she can get short with me, and instantly I get depressed. Like I've failed her.
It's a self-confidence issue. It's always been that way. It's why I couldn't get a girl in the first place. Why I could never stand up to my father. Why I can't stand up to people who are rude to me. Why I let everyone walk all over me. It's not that I'm a nice guy, it's that I'm too much of a coward to stand up for myself.
I'd hate to think that I can never be happy, never be content with who I am. People like me for who I am. My girlfriend likes me for who I am. Then why am I so critical? What is the goddamn answer?
I just wish I wouldn't get so depressed after little things. I don't want this to be a reason for Megan to stop liking me. I like her companionship... she's a lot of fun to be with. I don't know how I'd take things without her. I love her so much.
Any help would be appreciated. I know I can't find the answers on my own.
That's actually untrue. I have prospects. I just wish I could do something about it.
It's that time again. I've got a bit of a malaise going. A funk, if you will. The proverbial bad cloud. I don't know what it is. I just can't seem to be happy. It's gotten bad enough to the point that people actually notice. Friday, my friends actually asked me what was wrong with me, why I was sad. There's honestly no reason. I shouldn't be upset. I shouldn't be so serious about everything. My relationship with Megan is going great. We have our moments, but I'd say, as a whole, we make a really great couple. Then why can't I be content with that? I know Megan loves me. But again, all I feel is insignificant. Like I can never make her happy. I always feel depressed because I feel like I'm not doing everything I can to make her happy. Sometimes she can get short with me, and instantly I get depressed. Like I've failed her.
It's a self-confidence issue. It's always been that way. It's why I couldn't get a girl in the first place. Why I could never stand up to my father. Why I can't stand up to people who are rude to me. Why I let everyone walk all over me. It's not that I'm a nice guy, it's that I'm too much of a coward to stand up for myself.
I'd hate to think that I can never be happy, never be content with who I am. People like me for who I am. My girlfriend likes me for who I am. Then why am I so critical? What is the goddamn answer?
I just wish I wouldn't get so depressed after little things. I don't want this to be a reason for Megan to stop liking me. I like her companionship... she's a lot of fun to be with. I don't know how I'd take things without her. I love her so much.
Any help would be appreciated. I know I can't find the answers on my own.