......so here am I..... not sure of what I'm for anymore...

[kenji9088]

well what I really wanted to do is make him happy... That's all I wanted.. I think that's wearing off... he hardly said anything to me on the phone tonight... we were talking about how he says he can't express himself... and it greatly depresses him... the part of the conversation that bothers me is (me)"I feel like not even 'I' can make you happy." (brandon) "You know... you maybe right..." my heart sank at this. (me)oh... (brandon) "But I love you..." I just don't know why i'm gettign so worked up with him.. I t's stupid. Why i cried I'll never know. I made myself stop though, so good for me! I feel so helpless that I can't do my job to cheer him up. I love to cheer people up... and I think it's just wearing off. He'll get over it though... I think it'll be okay.. I mean I hope it will. I'd miss him terribly if he left me, but if it made him happy, so be it. I couldn't make him love me if he doesn't anymore. And I guess... the same goes for happiness...I don't know... I don't know WHAT to make of it. The funny thing is.. he worries about me falling out of love with him, when all I do i worry about him losing interest in me. I'm scared it's started to snowball.. I don't want to lose him! I'm scared quite a bit. *sniff* well... just as long as he's happy, even if it's not with me...
Well..... I'll think this over...... for oncce he didn't say yes to me keeping him company....I guess we'll see what happens later... oh well.... I'll find out, won't I? *begins to cry again*
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"Cause I can't make you love me... if you don't... I can't make your heart feel... something it won't..."