A Low Day
We have had scheduling issues all summer with everything. I have done my best to give Holden what he needs - routine, structure, plans - and it's been erratic and awful.
Our PCA, we'll call her S, was kind of flaky. It got to be routine that she'd cancel once a week and then when it turned into twice a week two weeks in a row I was about to tattle to the agency when the agency called and asked how we'd feel about a guy for Holden. Um, S never told us she was leaving?
She put in her two weeks and we didn't know for TEN DAYS. We were very suddenly left without a PCA for a week.
K, our new guy, came yesterday. He's tattooed, has gauged ears, has 3 kids of his own, and Holden fell in LOVE with him. Sometimes he takes time to warm up to people - K was here for TEN MINUTES before Holden was asking him to go outside and play games and singing songs together. We worked out our schedule, made plans for the next couple weeks, and everything seemed to fall into place. And right when I was starting to feel better about everything...
...it turns out that the school couldn't get him into A group kindergarten and now he's in B group. Meaning his schedule is now completely different.
I spent half an hour on the phone this morning with our agency scheduler and she's super sweet and understanding but gave me bad news: K has scheduling conflicts and if he can't resolve them we'll have to get someone else.
I have been crying since I got off the phone. I'm angry and hurt. And I know it's not anyone's fault and no one did anything wrong but c'mon, life, I need a fucking break here. I have been stressed beyond belief for a few weeks now and I just need shit to calm down so I can get some rest.
I haven't even called the clinic yet to inform them of our schedule change. He's always had therapy on Thursdays but now if he's going to school on Thursdays then he can't have therapy on Thursdays (his speech therapist is only there until 3PM).
I had a meltdown on Twitter. There were phrases like "If Holden was just NORMAL I could be the mom I want to be and not the mom I have to be," and "I wish there were more normal mom type things to balance out all the work I do with Holden's autism. I feel bad that I'm excited Roxie doesn't have it so I have a chance at doing those things with her instead."
A friend reminded me that a lot of women don't get to be the moms they want to be - even if they have normal kids they often have to work or have other obligations/circumstances. And that really put things into perspective.
I also need to remember that K's scheduling conflicts are with a self-scheduling client, meaning that the scheduler didn't have it in the computer. And if K can work it out with them, then there won't be an issue and this tantrum will be for nothing.
In other news, my tattoo has full-on leprosy and I love it. I feel like a snake shedding the old dull skin and having shiny new colors underneath. My artist only used shading needles and shades of gray so I'm finally seeing its true form. This is definitely the fastest I've ever had a tattoo heal. It's awesome.
Nail art stuff:
Standard French mani with some shiny pink polish
Saved by the Bell polishes
SBTB mani
Sally Hansen Grape Escape with Wet n Wild Fergie Hollywood Walk of Fame - I picked out the stars with a toothpick and lined them up. The main polish has very sparse bar glitter, I wasn't that impressed to be honest.
China Glaze Foie Gras with confetti butterflies - the butterflies fell off in a day so I painted the accent nails gold instead.
Sally Hansen Salon Effects in Fly With Me - these were super easy to apply and I used them conservatively to get a pedi out of them as well. (Normally $10/box but I got a twofer on Amazon for dirt cheap.) I'm still wearing them on my toes and it's been almost 3 weeks! They did kind of stink though.
Sally Hansen Magnetic in "Red-y Response" - it's fucshia, not red, but still very pretty.
My jawbreaker mani - a "jelly sandwich" mani using a white jelly polish (OPI Don't Touch My Tutu) and OPI's Rainbow Connection glitter.
Wet n Wild Night Prowl with white flower decals
In-between these I've done a lot of plain single colors or random Skittles manicures to test out ideas I've had. Right now I'm wearing the green from the SBTB collection (which is my favorite of all of them). I'm thinking after this I might do a plain French again. I have a soft spot in my heart for Frenches. =3
Our PCA, we'll call her S, was kind of flaky. It got to be routine that she'd cancel once a week and then when it turned into twice a week two weeks in a row I was about to tattle to the agency when the agency called and asked how we'd feel about a guy for Holden. Um, S never told us she was leaving?
She put in her two weeks and we didn't know for TEN DAYS. We were very suddenly left without a PCA for a week.
K, our new guy, came yesterday. He's tattooed, has gauged ears, has 3 kids of his own, and Holden fell in LOVE with him. Sometimes he takes time to warm up to people - K was here for TEN MINUTES before Holden was asking him to go outside and play games and singing songs together. We worked out our schedule, made plans for the next couple weeks, and everything seemed to fall into place. And right when I was starting to feel better about everything...
...it turns out that the school couldn't get him into A group kindergarten and now he's in B group. Meaning his schedule is now completely different.
I spent half an hour on the phone this morning with our agency scheduler and she's super sweet and understanding but gave me bad news: K has scheduling conflicts and if he can't resolve them we'll have to get someone else.
I have been crying since I got off the phone. I'm angry and hurt. And I know it's not anyone's fault and no one did anything wrong but c'mon, life, I need a fucking break here. I have been stressed beyond belief for a few weeks now and I just need shit to calm down so I can get some rest.
I haven't even called the clinic yet to inform them of our schedule change. He's always had therapy on Thursdays but now if he's going to school on Thursdays then he can't have therapy on Thursdays (his speech therapist is only there until 3PM).
I had a meltdown on Twitter. There were phrases like "If Holden was just NORMAL I could be the mom I want to be and not the mom I have to be," and "I wish there were more normal mom type things to balance out all the work I do with Holden's autism. I feel bad that I'm excited Roxie doesn't have it so I have a chance at doing those things with her instead."
A friend reminded me that a lot of women don't get to be the moms they want to be - even if they have normal kids they often have to work or have other obligations/circumstances. And that really put things into perspective.
I also need to remember that K's scheduling conflicts are with a self-scheduling client, meaning that the scheduler didn't have it in the computer. And if K can work it out with them, then there won't be an issue and this tantrum will be for nothing.
In other news, my tattoo has full-on leprosy and I love it. I feel like a snake shedding the old dull skin and having shiny new colors underneath. My artist only used shading needles and shades of gray so I'm finally seeing its true form. This is definitely the fastest I've ever had a tattoo heal. It's awesome.
Nail art stuff:
Standard French mani with some shiny pink polish
Saved by the Bell polishes
SBTB mani
Sally Hansen Grape Escape with Wet n Wild Fergie Hollywood Walk of Fame - I picked out the stars with a toothpick and lined them up. The main polish has very sparse bar glitter, I wasn't that impressed to be honest.
China Glaze Foie Gras with confetti butterflies - the butterflies fell off in a day so I painted the accent nails gold instead.
Sally Hansen Salon Effects in Fly With Me - these were super easy to apply and I used them conservatively to get a pedi out of them as well. (Normally $10/box but I got a twofer on Amazon for dirt cheap.) I'm still wearing them on my toes and it's been almost 3 weeks! They did kind of stink though.
Sally Hansen Magnetic in "Red-y Response" - it's fucshia, not red, but still very pretty.
My jawbreaker mani - a "jelly sandwich" mani using a white jelly polish (OPI Don't Touch My Tutu) and OPI's Rainbow Connection glitter.
Wet n Wild Night Prowl with white flower decals
In-between these I've done a lot of plain single colors or random Skittles manicures to test out ideas I've had. Right now I'm wearing the green from the SBTB collection (which is my favorite of all of them). I'm thinking after this I might do a plain French again. I have a soft spot in my heart for Frenches. =3