The Writing Bug
It's the middle of the night. My toe hurts and I'm not very sleepy thanks to the caffeine I had for a headache earlier so I'm writing instead. My internet keeps cutting in and out and I'm not sure why so I'm typing this in Wordpad so it won't be lost.
I'm going through this phase where I have creative energy and can't output properly. It's too hot to knit/crochet and playing video games just isn't cutting it like it sometimes does. This time it feels "writey." And not bloggy-writey either - fiction-writey.
I mentioned this a while back, saying I was thinking about writing a Dethklok fic, but the laptop "broke" and I couldn't sit down to get it and I lost the bug. But it's back now and I'm not sure what I want to do with it or what it wants to do with me.
I feel like it wants to be original. Make something up on my own and begin telling it. But the things I want to write just aren't easily explained in words. My creative stories are almost like mini-movies in my head and translating that into words isn't easy for me. Which is ironic since I feel like I'm pretty good at this writing thing. I can easily talk about what I'm thinking any other time, but when it comes to telling a story that's not mine with made-up characters, the words just don't come, even when using first-person rather than third-person.
I like fanfic because it's a setting and characters I already know and am very familiar with, so jumping into a story is easy. If the author doesn't include a description of Pickles it's okay, I know who he is and what he's like.
But what if I started talking about Ryden? Or Obi-James? You'd have no idea who I was talking about and I'm afraid I'd forget something important and then suddenly half my story doesn't make sense.
I want to write something worth reading. And when I read the things I love, I don't feel I can match that type of feeling for someone else, even with previously created characters.
Tolkein wasn't a writer, he was a linguist. He loved language. He created Elvish and Dwarvish and then created the place they existed. And he created a massive world with a great history. I adore Lord of the Rings, I believe it is a very beautiful piece of writing, but there are parts that go on far longer than they need to and I think it's because Tolkein would just get lost in his own words. It's difficult to get the story sometimes - can't see the forest through the trees kind of scenario. And I'm a little like this as well, love hearing the rhythm of the words in my head and might need to read them a few times to get the whole picture from them.
I have a very large cast of characters in my head for/from various failed works over the years. Ryden's universe has a very specific religion, including a pilgrimage. Obi-James has an extensive music collection because he believes life needs a soundtrack and he's trying to perfect his. Katya is half-dragon and going through her metamorphosis. But for the life of me, I cannot find a real story in any of this nor a way to combine them into a single story.
I did have one very complicated story come to me in a dream once and I wrote it down, but it didn't end. There was a terrible cliffhanger that ended with a rape and pregnancy. I don't know where it would go or how it would all be better in the end. Or maybe it wouldn't. And I'm afraid to start writing it because I don't have an ending - a goal, if you will.
In other news, I had my thyroid appointment. Fairly uneventful. Felt my neck, had a student feel my neck, drew some blood, said he'd send a letter with my results. I haven't heard anything yet, I'm hoping to get something tomorrow.
Toe is healing slowly. It felt better today but then Alex was rubbing my feet for me (thyroid issues can cause poor circulation and they can get tingly and hurt) and he went to crack my toes and grabbed the broken one. I yelped. He felt bad. That's why it hurts now and I'm not sleeping.
Haven't done any manicures cuz my nails are breaking and it's so humid that the polish just peels straight off anyway. I did get a black/gold glitter polish that I wore to the streetdance over a light purple, it's very pretty. =3
Alright, I'm gonna go attempt bedtime. Goodnight!