On dating
I feel the particular need to post on this topic. Many people I know are in bad relationships. Also, since I am single and my internet works, I have been (just out of curiousity) browsing searches on myspace etc. for how women "market" themselves. Also, I am meeting some new people at my new job.
Anyway, I believe that two people should date if they have an innocent desire to be with each other, and if they think that they can grow with each other. That's really it. A true partner, like a true friend, is someone who challenges you to pursue your passions. A true partner is honest, confrontational, and knows their faults.
Too many people who are dating do too much to try to "save" the relationship. I think that, too often, staying together becomes the goal. Rather, the goal should always be the growth of each person becoming what they want to be. I have no interest in dating someone that wants to be with me more because they are afraid of being alone. I would rather date someone who recognizes when they aren't getting what they want, and has the cognizance and courage to confront me about it.
The opposite of this is when people are more concerned with getting laid or having a companion than being honest about what they want. Anyone can get laid... the only thing stopping them is standards. I would rather not waste my time complicating someone else's life (and mine) by pretending to be in a relationship that isn't about honesty and growth.
I have enjoyed every relationship I have been in. I have broken off every relationship I have been in. I have remained on good terms with all of my exes. This seems so strange to people, until I tell them that I have done that simply by being very honest. One can't just be honest with their partner--they must be honest with themselves. This is seemingly where everyone gets it wrong. I certainly have my faults, but I think I have the boyfriend thing down (at least enough to say that I have been very successful with it. The dating thing I suck at).
There is nothing wrong with constantly analyzing your situation to make sure it is what you want. People are so good at letting their fears and doubts motivate them to action that isn't based on actual reality at all. I hate being single, but it is better than lying to myself or others to validate my existence (or even to just get laid).
Breaking up is no big deal. If you are with someone and you think you might want to break up, try it. Be honest with yourself, and if you are meant to be with them, it will happen.
Another thing people tend to do to set themselves up for failure is establish the dichotomy of dating/serious relationships. If a woman decides she wants only a "serious" boyfriend, than she might not ever get to know that interesting guy in her class because he works too much and doesn't have a lot of time for a girlfriend. If she decides she just wants to date, then a gentleman who is serious and wants to meet her parents might scare her off. This dichotomy, like most dualistic thinking, is inherently flawed. By deciding what you want out of someone before you even meet them, you set them up for failure.
If you are single, and you want to meet someone, try this; when you go out, be yourself. Don't try to impress anyone. It might not work even half the time, but you'll be spared much drama. I might suck at a lot of things, but my life is drama-free, and I have no enemies in my past.
That's all for today. I plan on making more interesting posts (like I used to) more often.
Anyway, I believe that two people should date if they have an innocent desire to be with each other, and if they think that they can grow with each other. That's really it. A true partner, like a true friend, is someone who challenges you to pursue your passions. A true partner is honest, confrontational, and knows their faults.
Too many people who are dating do too much to try to "save" the relationship. I think that, too often, staying together becomes the goal. Rather, the goal should always be the growth of each person becoming what they want to be. I have no interest in dating someone that wants to be with me more because they are afraid of being alone. I would rather date someone who recognizes when they aren't getting what they want, and has the cognizance and courage to confront me about it.
The opposite of this is when people are more concerned with getting laid or having a companion than being honest about what they want. Anyone can get laid... the only thing stopping them is standards. I would rather not waste my time complicating someone else's life (and mine) by pretending to be in a relationship that isn't about honesty and growth.
I have enjoyed every relationship I have been in. I have broken off every relationship I have been in. I have remained on good terms with all of my exes. This seems so strange to people, until I tell them that I have done that simply by being very honest. One can't just be honest with their partner--they must be honest with themselves. This is seemingly where everyone gets it wrong. I certainly have my faults, but I think I have the boyfriend thing down (at least enough to say that I have been very successful with it. The dating thing I suck at).
There is nothing wrong with constantly analyzing your situation to make sure it is what you want. People are so good at letting their fears and doubts motivate them to action that isn't based on actual reality at all. I hate being single, but it is better than lying to myself or others to validate my existence (or even to just get laid).
Breaking up is no big deal. If you are with someone and you think you might want to break up, try it. Be honest with yourself, and if you are meant to be with them, it will happen.
Another thing people tend to do to set themselves up for failure is establish the dichotomy of dating/serious relationships. If a woman decides she wants only a "serious" boyfriend, than she might not ever get to know that interesting guy in her class because he works too much and doesn't have a lot of time for a girlfriend. If she decides she just wants to date, then a gentleman who is serious and wants to meet her parents might scare her off. This dichotomy, like most dualistic thinking, is inherently flawed. By deciding what you want out of someone before you even meet them, you set them up for failure.
If you are single, and you want to meet someone, try this; when you go out, be yourself. Don't try to impress anyone. It might not work even half the time, but you'll be spared much drama. I might suck at a lot of things, but my life is drama-free, and I have no enemies in my past.
That's all for today. I plan on making more interesting posts (like I used to) more often.