(no subject)
Okay, i should start using this thing again. I'm allll kindsa pent up and should write. Plus, you know..i read all my friends stuff and i offer up nothing. Goes to show how selfish i am.
Let's see, let's see...last major post was about work.
Yeah.
Well i quit my job last month. Long story short - everything built up and i quit. I didn't quit like i would have liked to but it happened and i slacked off for a bit. Went to Phoenix to visit with my friend Robert for a bit and i saw Harley while i was there. It wasn't that bad..it was kinda good. Came back and slacked off for a bit, dropped resume (thanks Bono..you ass :P ) to a couple of places...REALLY, REALLY trying to get a job with Animal Control..if i have to BLACKMAIL someone i'll get the damn job. Had a job interview with a clinic and they totally disenchanted me far more than i already was. My god..i have like..no hope :(. I need to bust my ass on Friday and drop off more resumes...i hate my life.
Relationships are difficult as FUCK and such a pain in the ass. I'm still..uhm..well, seeing is a strong word..i'm still screwing that guy i mentioned (Andrew) back in June. He's fun. He's exciting. He's my fucking cocaine..i can't, wont, kick the habit. He drives me insane. I wish he could be more but that'd be too nice, wouldn't it? I saw this other guy (Shane) for a bit but he was a bit too intense and honestly..he'd prolly be great for me, total boyfriend material..the kinda guy you'd want. Nice, caring, loving, attentive. I was honest with him about Andrew and he wants exclusiveness..and i simply can't offer that right now. How difficult...i want a boyfriend, but i can't give up the coc..i mean, crack..that is Andrew. Fuck.
I'm starting school! Well, ok..i'm going to try to start school...in October. Pharmacy Technician. Going to go next week and talk to Gaby, my advisor, again about what i gotta do to enroll and i have the paperwork here ready to apply for financial aid and i'm prolly gunna have to consider loans to. I need a job to pay loans. Fuck.
Sometimes (ok, often) i want to send Nick a message and tell him to call me. I don't do it. This is sometimes a struggle and it's exhausting. I want to talk about our marriage and our baby...but i doubt any conversation with him would be productive or helpful anyway.
I need to get the number to my real family from my dad. Everytime i ask it just..slips. He doesn't get it to me. What if my grandfather, my only connection i have to my mother, dies? Then what? I need to get this done with. I've had this overwhelming urge to speak to my real mom. I need to figure out some things.
I ran into my Highschool french teacher last week. I've been hanging out with her the past few days and god i love that woman. She was, honestly, a huge influence on my life and a big part of how i am today. I'd say i wish we'd never have lost contact but..no..it happened for a reason. I'm loving every single second of us catching up. I don't ever..ever..want to lose this woman again.
I spend obscene amounts of time hanging out with my friend Jen. Oh..she's a pill. So many crazy stories about her. She drives me insane, most of the time i want to kill her but i love her like a fat kid loves cake and i can't imagine my life without her in it...very contradicting, i know.
I drink too much.
I sleep too much. (as opposed to a few weeks ago when i didn't sleep nearly enough)
The life i was determined to have was ruined 2 years ago today. Thats depressing. I'm very emo about this.
Life is hectic. But atleast it isn't boring!
I'm gunna stick to this thing...no, really..i will :P
Let's see, let's see...last major post was about work.
Yeah.
Well i quit my job last month. Long story short - everything built up and i quit. I didn't quit like i would have liked to but it happened and i slacked off for a bit. Went to Phoenix to visit with my friend Robert for a bit and i saw Harley while i was there. It wasn't that bad..it was kinda good. Came back and slacked off for a bit, dropped resume (thanks Bono..you ass :P ) to a couple of places...REALLY, REALLY trying to get a job with Animal Control..if i have to BLACKMAIL someone i'll get the damn job. Had a job interview with a clinic and they totally disenchanted me far more than i already was. My god..i have like..no hope :(. I need to bust my ass on Friday and drop off more resumes...i hate my life.
Relationships are difficult as FUCK and such a pain in the ass. I'm still..uhm..well, seeing is a strong word..i'm still screwing that guy i mentioned (Andrew) back in June. He's fun. He's exciting. He's my fucking cocaine..i can't, wont, kick the habit. He drives me insane. I wish he could be more but that'd be too nice, wouldn't it? I saw this other guy (Shane) for a bit but he was a bit too intense and honestly..he'd prolly be great for me, total boyfriend material..the kinda guy you'd want. Nice, caring, loving, attentive. I was honest with him about Andrew and he wants exclusiveness..and i simply can't offer that right now. How difficult...i want a boyfriend, but i can't give up the coc..i mean, crack..that is Andrew. Fuck.
I'm starting school! Well, ok..i'm going to try to start school...in October. Pharmacy Technician. Going to go next week and talk to Gaby, my advisor, again about what i gotta do to enroll and i have the paperwork here ready to apply for financial aid and i'm prolly gunna have to consider loans to. I need a job to pay loans. Fuck.
Sometimes (ok, often) i want to send Nick a message and tell him to call me. I don't do it. This is sometimes a struggle and it's exhausting. I want to talk about our marriage and our baby...but i doubt any conversation with him would be productive or helpful anyway.
I need to get the number to my real family from my dad. Everytime i ask it just..slips. He doesn't get it to me. What if my grandfather, my only connection i have to my mother, dies? Then what? I need to get this done with. I've had this overwhelming urge to speak to my real mom. I need to figure out some things.
I ran into my Highschool french teacher last week. I've been hanging out with her the past few days and god i love that woman. She was, honestly, a huge influence on my life and a big part of how i am today. I'd say i wish we'd never have lost contact but..no..it happened for a reason. I'm loving every single second of us catching up. I don't ever..ever..want to lose this woman again.
I spend obscene amounts of time hanging out with my friend Jen. Oh..she's a pill. So many crazy stories about her. She drives me insane, most of the time i want to kill her but i love her like a fat kid loves cake and i can't imagine my life without her in it...very contradicting, i know.
I drink too much.
I sleep too much. (as opposed to a few weeks ago when i didn't sleep nearly enough)
The life i was determined to have was ruined 2 years ago today. Thats depressing. I'm very emo about this.
Life is hectic. But atleast it isn't boring!
I'm gunna stick to this thing...no, really..i will :P