(no subject)
SO, the past few weeks have been just...there. I've been avoiding the house. I had to go pay rent, i went on the 3rd. She told me how they haven't been this busy since August of last year. However only 2 people are really interested in the house. What? I gave her a list of reasons why the dozen or so people that have either came and saw, or asked many questions on the phone, were not interested - no fridge (i've offered many times to sell her my fridge for $100), no dryer connection (there is a washer connection in the kitchen we turned into a dishwasher connection temporarily), only one window unit air conditioner. People just don't like this. Harley and i didn't really mind any of these things. That house was perfect for US. (well, besides the whole...gas thing). It is not perfect for ME.
Dad and i went there today to pick up a few more things and do a slight bit of cleaning because apparently someone is supposed to come look at it this weekend. The grapevine is growing, and the little ground plant things have beautiful purple flowers. See? Perfect. But not just for me..by myself.
I've ran into two of Harleys acquaintances in the last week. One knew we broke up, asked if i've talked to him. I said i haven't. He said thats really sad how that happens. The other asked when i we were moving to Phoenix, i said we broke up and Harley already moved. He didn't have much to say to that. We didn't know him as well as the other guy.
I was thinking about it the other day...and i realized that if i DID call Harley and actually talked to him, i would most likely remember exactly why i wanted him out of my life in the first place. I doubt he would be nice, say nice things. He would most likely be nasty. Sometimes i think i need a harsh reminder..but i don't, really.
Harley, Nick, and Nicks mother all told me that i am the unhappiest person they have ever met. They also told me i don't WANT to be happy. Is that true? I don't doubt that i was, in the final moments, the most unhappiest person they met. But is it that i don't really want to be happy..or that i just didn't really want to be happy with THEM? I want to be happy, and you know..i'm not the cheeriest little thing you'll meet, but i'm not UN happy as a whole. 3 years ago, when i met Nick, i WAS less happy. A year ago when i met Harley i was..happy. I was sad, very very sad, that i was living in NOLA and that whole part of my life drowned. But i was pretty happy..i was enjoying my friends, i was looking for work but not depressed about it, i was happy being single. Then i met Harley. He didn't make me unhappy till much later in the relationship. I wanted very much to be happy. He couldn't make me happy. He just made me frustrated and depressed. He didn't mean to..he just did. I didn't make him happy..i made him frustrated and depressed, and i didn't make him feel very loved towards the end. I ran out of gas.
I'm happy now, i guess. I'm disappointed a lot. I love my job, but some things really piss me the fuck off. I like being back at my dads house, but i do hate that my dating life will be difficult living here. And i really hate how the A/C never works right in this room...heh. I like dating, but i'm just so disappointed with people. I like my friends, but their flakeyness and childish inability to communicate with me is extremely disappointing.
Work pisses me off because i have no one to cover for me if i need time off, if i call in sick. Absolutely no one. Dr.Evans fired the girl that was supposed to be learning my job, but failed miserably. The girl in the afternoon..i can cover for her. And i have a couple of times gladly. I will do it again on Monday. I want MORE hours but i want the option to take time off if i want to. Make sense? A cousin is getting married in June in Harahan, LA. I don't really care about the cousin (just being honest) but i desperately want to see my Aunt and i want to see my city. I may not be able to go..because who will cover my shift for 5 days? And if i CAN go i want to go LONGER. I want a chance to see the employment situation, the home situation. Looking on line - it doesn't look great. Well, jobs are plentiful but housing is so expensive. And a lot of places, apparently, are not animal friendly. I don't want to get caught up in an obsession moving back to NOLA. I've looked at other cities - Baton Rouge, Lafayette, even Shreveport...but eh.
It's all disappointing..my new favorite word.
I rented The Good Shepherd the other night. It wasn't that great. I mean..it was just....flat. I then went to rent another movie, and when i was dropping the movie in the box a *squeek* sound came from the box and a hand came out and started grabbing at me. I screamed and one of the employees opened the sliding door..she was sitting in the tape/dvd bin and was dying laughing. I started laughing too. An old lady got pissy and said that wasn't nice. I can see that but they were having fun, i thought it was funny. I couldn't decide Children Of Men or The Pursuit Of Happyness so i rented both. The Pursuit Of Happyness was good and i'll probably watch it again before i return it. Tonight i'll probably watch Children Of Men.
Tomorrow night my friend, Adam, from Las Cruces is gunna come hang out. We're all supposed to go out - Kaylle, Amanda, Adam, Sarah, and Me. We'll see about Kaylle and Amanda. I'm going to try to get Sarah's number so i can still invite her in case Kaylle decides not to go. We're going to go to the bowling alley and will play with each others sticks and balls. It should be fun.
Dad and i went there today to pick up a few more things and do a slight bit of cleaning because apparently someone is supposed to come look at it this weekend. The grapevine is growing, and the little ground plant things have beautiful purple flowers. See? Perfect. But not just for me..by myself.
I've ran into two of Harleys acquaintances in the last week. One knew we broke up, asked if i've talked to him. I said i haven't. He said thats really sad how that happens. The other asked when i we were moving to Phoenix, i said we broke up and Harley already moved. He didn't have much to say to that. We didn't know him as well as the other guy.
I was thinking about it the other day...and i realized that if i DID call Harley and actually talked to him, i would most likely remember exactly why i wanted him out of my life in the first place. I doubt he would be nice, say nice things. He would most likely be nasty. Sometimes i think i need a harsh reminder..but i don't, really.
Harley, Nick, and Nicks mother all told me that i am the unhappiest person they have ever met. They also told me i don't WANT to be happy. Is that true? I don't doubt that i was, in the final moments, the most unhappiest person they met. But is it that i don't really want to be happy..or that i just didn't really want to be happy with THEM? I want to be happy, and you know..i'm not the cheeriest little thing you'll meet, but i'm not UN happy as a whole. 3 years ago, when i met Nick, i WAS less happy. A year ago when i met Harley i was..happy. I was sad, very very sad, that i was living in NOLA and that whole part of my life drowned. But i was pretty happy..i was enjoying my friends, i was looking for work but not depressed about it, i was happy being single. Then i met Harley. He didn't make me unhappy till much later in the relationship. I wanted very much to be happy. He couldn't make me happy. He just made me frustrated and depressed. He didn't mean to..he just did. I didn't make him happy..i made him frustrated and depressed, and i didn't make him feel very loved towards the end. I ran out of gas.
I'm happy now, i guess. I'm disappointed a lot. I love my job, but some things really piss me the fuck off. I like being back at my dads house, but i do hate that my dating life will be difficult living here. And i really hate how the A/C never works right in this room...heh. I like dating, but i'm just so disappointed with people. I like my friends, but their flakeyness and childish inability to communicate with me is extremely disappointing.
Work pisses me off because i have no one to cover for me if i need time off, if i call in sick. Absolutely no one. Dr.Evans fired the girl that was supposed to be learning my job, but failed miserably. The girl in the afternoon..i can cover for her. And i have a couple of times gladly. I will do it again on Monday. I want MORE hours but i want the option to take time off if i want to. Make sense? A cousin is getting married in June in Harahan, LA. I don't really care about the cousin (just being honest) but i desperately want to see my Aunt and i want to see my city. I may not be able to go..because who will cover my shift for 5 days? And if i CAN go i want to go LONGER. I want a chance to see the employment situation, the home situation. Looking on line - it doesn't look great. Well, jobs are plentiful but housing is so expensive. And a lot of places, apparently, are not animal friendly. I don't want to get caught up in an obsession moving back to NOLA. I've looked at other cities - Baton Rouge, Lafayette, even Shreveport...but eh.
It's all disappointing..my new favorite word.
I rented The Good Shepherd the other night. It wasn't that great. I mean..it was just....flat. I then went to rent another movie, and when i was dropping the movie in the box a *squeek* sound came from the box and a hand came out and started grabbing at me. I screamed and one of the employees opened the sliding door..she was sitting in the tape/dvd bin and was dying laughing. I started laughing too. An old lady got pissy and said that wasn't nice. I can see that but they were having fun, i thought it was funny. I couldn't decide Children Of Men or The Pursuit Of Happyness so i rented both. The Pursuit Of Happyness was good and i'll probably watch it again before i return it. Tonight i'll probably watch Children Of Men.
Tomorrow night my friend, Adam, from Las Cruces is gunna come hang out. We're all supposed to go out - Kaylle, Amanda, Adam, Sarah, and Me. We'll see about Kaylle and Amanda. I'm going to try to get Sarah's number so i can still invite her in case Kaylle decides not to go. We're going to go to the bowling alley and will play with each others sticks and balls. It should be fun.