Insane...
Well, let's see... I've been working nonstop for the past week or month... I don't even know how long. I guess it's kinda kool and all, getting to know people at work a lil bit better and becoming more of a valuable member to my job bcuz I am learning more and more of the venues. But still, the stress of working 12 hours everyday can get to a person. I don't think about it, and don't listen to people when they give me shit. That's they way to survive.
In other parts of life, I've been a very bad friend to all. I haven't even called my grandmother in like 2 weeks. I think all my focus is on a couple things...
I've playfully mentioned a couples things to Drew about future things... Like marriage and kids and such, but something deep down makes me think that he is for real. He did say that he wants to have kids in the next 5 years, but if you think about it I will only 23 and he'll 27. Big gap there ya know...
I got irrateted by my mom and stuff today. When does that happen? And since when do I dislike Christmas so much? I wanted to cry at work today for the longest. I wanted everyone to drop off the face of the earth for making me work on a day I would've worked anyway. I wanted to be showered with more gifts and more focus on me than I'd already gotten. I wanted to win the stupid tickets cuz I don't win anything at all. I just wanted to be greedy today.
Which is kinda weird cuz I'm the one who doesn't like Christmas. Then my thought flashed forward to Valentines Day and all that propaganda. I want things on that day too but I hate it.
Then other things crept into my head. It seriously freaked me out. Like I'm discovering that I am truly paranoid or something. I'm going crazy now. I feel seriously unbalanced. Music's not helping. Family Guy's just a distraction. Work is a pain in the ass. Home is boring. I want to break everything right now. Just shatter glass with a baseball bat and throw paint all over anything white. I want to be distructive and have my way. I don't know where these feelings are stemming from...
I just want to feel normal again... Altho I don't have an exact definition of what that is, but it is the way I was feeling before exams came about. Sometimes doing what I had to, and sometimes doing what I wanted. Where did that go to?
I have to sleep on this... Good nite...
In other parts of life, I've been a very bad friend to all. I haven't even called my grandmother in like 2 weeks. I think all my focus is on a couple things...
I've playfully mentioned a couples things to Drew about future things... Like marriage and kids and such, but something deep down makes me think that he is for real. He did say that he wants to have kids in the next 5 years, but if you think about it I will only 23 and he'll 27. Big gap there ya know...
I got irrateted by my mom and stuff today. When does that happen? And since when do I dislike Christmas so much? I wanted to cry at work today for the longest. I wanted everyone to drop off the face of the earth for making me work on a day I would've worked anyway. I wanted to be showered with more gifts and more focus on me than I'd already gotten. I wanted to win the stupid tickets cuz I don't win anything at all. I just wanted to be greedy today.
Which is kinda weird cuz I'm the one who doesn't like Christmas. Then my thought flashed forward to Valentines Day and all that propaganda. I want things on that day too but I hate it.
Then other things crept into my head. It seriously freaked me out. Like I'm discovering that I am truly paranoid or something. I'm going crazy now. I feel seriously unbalanced. Music's not helping. Family Guy's just a distraction. Work is a pain in the ass. Home is boring. I want to break everything right now. Just shatter glass with a baseball bat and throw paint all over anything white. I want to be distructive and have my way. I don't know where these feelings are stemming from...
I just want to feel normal again... Altho I don't have an exact definition of what that is, but it is the way I was feeling before exams came about. Sometimes doing what I had to, and sometimes doing what I wanted. Where did that go to?
I have to sleep on this... Good nite...