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yeah i can't sleep...once again, i'm really tired, i just can't help but think about things and keep myself awake without wanting to... it sucks. why are some people so hard to get rid of, either physically or mentally? it's like no matter where you are or what you do they just pop up! like today for instance, i'm at work doing my job and this busser mentions that he goes to the same school at my ex...who shares the same name... weird. so now i haven't been able to stop thinking about my ex, whom i will never get another chance with, but still remains in the back of my mind as a "what if?" boy. like what if i hadn't said those three fatal words? would we still be together? what if i had spent more time with him like when we first started dating...just hanging out and talking for hours? what if i had told him the truth when he asked if i was ok when we broke up? there's a lot of what if's for that one... i wish i could just answer one of them, but that's impossible. i just want to see him one more time and see his reaction, would he care that i chopped off my hair? would he get that adorable smile of his that he used to when we first started dating? would he even notice me? probably none of the above. so it's time to move on i suppose, and i've tried so many times, but once you find someone that is seemingly so perfect and you adore beyond belief... it's hard not to compare what you have to what you had and not see it as worthless.
i suppose i will continue to try my best to conquer this overbearing thought and find someone else, someone equal or possibly even better than "what if" boy. i think i might even get up the courage to give my old coworker a call or to atleast see if he's still working at the same place and have a little visit. that just might do the trick. As for tomorrow....well actually today, I have to wake up bright and early to face six flags with some great people and hopefully enjoy myself along the way... maybe catch the eye of a cute new pal. we shall see!
goodnight <3
i suppose i will continue to try my best to conquer this overbearing thought and find someone else, someone equal or possibly even better than "what if" boy. i think i might even get up the courage to give my old coworker a call or to atleast see if he's still working at the same place and have a little visit. that just might do the trick. As for tomorrow....well actually today, I have to wake up bright and early to face six flags with some great people and hopefully enjoy myself along the way... maybe catch the eye of a cute new pal. we shall see!
goodnight <3