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Yesterday was...intense. Not the group dinner and movie part, at least not really. Miya can be intense, but I've kind of build up a tolerance to her type of intense over the years. It was nice that Takeru saved me from her nagging, though. It's was a welcome change from sitting through her lectures.
No, the intense part was after. I ended up going over to Takeru's since we got separated from the group and it was getting late. And did I mention awkward? I blurted out that I didn't feel really comfortable sleeping on Takeru's bed since...well, basically it was 'cause he and Daisuke had most likely had sex on it. Actually...I was a bit wary of his whole room... It sounds so stupid now that I'm writing it down, but it just felt...I don't know, weird. Like I was invading a private area.
And then somehow that lead to me and Takeru taking about sex (It seems so much more Twilight Zone looking back on it then at the time) and then me pouring my soul out. It just all came spilling out; it was like I couldn't stop myself, even if I'd have tried.
I'm glad Takeru's so understanding. I forgot how close--I guess that's the best word for it--we used to be. I suppose I've been distancing myself from the others more than I thought. Even before Ken's death--God, will that ever get easier to type? To say?--I'd started to draw away from everyone. He became everything to me: my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my world. Anyway, it's nice to have that kind of partnership we used to have back. I just wish it hadn't taken my losing Ken to regain it...
...if there was anyway to get him back, no matter the cost, I would do it. But that's just wishful thinking. Nothing will bring him back and I've got to make the best of what I have and go on living.
No, the intense part was after. I ended up going over to Takeru's since we got separated from the group and it was getting late. And did I mention awkward? I blurted out that I didn't feel really comfortable sleeping on Takeru's bed since...well, basically it was 'cause he and Daisuke had most likely had sex on it. Actually...I was a bit wary of his whole room... It sounds so stupid now that I'm writing it down, but it just felt...I don't know, weird. Like I was invading a private area.
And then somehow that lead to me and Takeru taking about sex (It seems so much more Twilight Zone looking back on it then at the time) and then me pouring my soul out. It just all came spilling out; it was like I couldn't stop myself, even if I'd have tried.
I'm glad Takeru's so understanding. I forgot how close--I guess that's the best word for it--we used to be. I suppose I've been distancing myself from the others more than I thought. Even before Ken's death--God, will that ever get easier to type? To say?--I'd started to draw away from everyone. He became everything to me: my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my world. Anyway, it's nice to have that kind of partnership we used to have back. I just wish it hadn't taken my losing Ken to regain it...
...if there was anyway to get him back, no matter the cost, I would do it. But that's just wishful thinking. Nothing will bring him back and I've got to make the best of what I have and go on living.