Well you know that language...
I don't like English as of today. I have heard once again one of those phrases that guys like me get used to hearing. I know it's a dual sided coin, but it's just getting old for me. I've tried to do almost everything and even tried to not care at times, but still it always comes back to me crying.
"It's not you it's me."
"I can't love anymore..."
"I've fallen for someone else..."
"You're amazing, and a great guy to be with, just not for me.."
"I can't see you like that..."
"You're too young..."
"You're everything I ever wanted, just.. I don't know.."
All phrases I've heard in the past year. Amazingly I am still alright I think, but it stings. I'm sure I'll be fine, and one day even find whatever it is I am looking for. I don't know, maybe I'm not really looking for anything. I thought I had found it, then she turned out to not be looking for me. Crash and burn indeed.
It's hard sometimes to be hundreds or thousands of miles from those you love and care about. It's even more so to just wait. Sometimes I wonder if I was just left out of the grand design, like is this all just because someone forgot I existed? I mean I don't get it, if I am so wonderful, where did I fuck up?
I know we can't control our emotions anymore or less than we can make ourselves fall into or out of love. That's why I can't be mad at her, but God, it's still just another wound. I work hard to make my friends happy, and keep anyone I care for in good spirits. Maybe I try too much? I don't know, either way again and as usual I am left alone, and now am stuck in Virginia until next week.
The only good news I've managed to get out of all of this is that at some point soon I leave for Jacksonville, but yeah, that doesn't help. A portion of the reason I didn't take ship orders was so I could be closer to her. Bully for me, I fucked it away again. I'll talk at you guys later I have to go eat then get to class. Love you all, and wish you all the best. You should have the info, talk to me sometimes if you can.
"It's not you it's me."
"I can't love anymore..."
"I've fallen for someone else..."
"You're amazing, and a great guy to be with, just not for me.."
"I can't see you like that..."
"You're too young..."
"You're everything I ever wanted, just.. I don't know.."
All phrases I've heard in the past year. Amazingly I am still alright I think, but it stings. I'm sure I'll be fine, and one day even find whatever it is I am looking for. I don't know, maybe I'm not really looking for anything. I thought I had found it, then she turned out to not be looking for me. Crash and burn indeed.
It's hard sometimes to be hundreds or thousands of miles from those you love and care about. It's even more so to just wait. Sometimes I wonder if I was just left out of the grand design, like is this all just because someone forgot I existed? I mean I don't get it, if I am so wonderful, where did I fuck up?
I know we can't control our emotions anymore or less than we can make ourselves fall into or out of love. That's why I can't be mad at her, but God, it's still just another wound. I work hard to make my friends happy, and keep anyone I care for in good spirits. Maybe I try too much? I don't know, either way again and as usual I am left alone, and now am stuck in Virginia until next week.
The only good news I've managed to get out of all of this is that at some point soon I leave for Jacksonville, but yeah, that doesn't help. A portion of the reason I didn't take ship orders was so I could be closer to her. Bully for me, I fucked it away again. I'll talk at you guys later I have to go eat then get to class. Love you all, and wish you all the best. You should have the info, talk to me sometimes if you can.