Guilty Pleasures of the 1970s: "Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter"
I hesitate to even list this film as a Guilty Pleasure, since it has some really good things going for it. Some background first: Hammer Films, producer of many of the best horror films of the ‘50s and ‘60s, had hit hard times - economically and creatively - by the early ‘70s. The British film industry in general was going bankrupt, Hammer’s best talents and guiding lights were getting older, and the audience was losing interest in Hammer’s bread-and-butter mix of Gothic horror, classic monsters, Technicolor blood, and beautiful, bosomy women. (Hard to believe, but true!)
Trying to stay afloat, Hammer made a few attempts to stir the mix and add new ingredients. The most enjoyable of all these efforts was 1974's Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter. Clearly planned as the first of a series that never was, Kronos was written and directed by Brian Clemens, who was the main creative force behind the Avengers TV series, and it has the same mix of adventure, wry humor, and cool, surprising, over-the-top elements.
The main character, Captain Kronos, is a swashbuckling vampire hunter who duels - yes, duels - his foes. He’s traveled all over the known world, and he even has a freakin’ katana strapped to his waist along with a rapier. With his brilliant vampire-expert friend, the hunchbacked Grost, Kronos arrives in a English village to follow up on reports of young women being drained not of blood, but of youth itself. And this was one of the movie’s great ideas: that there are as many species of vampire as there are any other predator, each with its own strengths and weaknesses that must be discovered. A stake through the heart will not kill every vampire.
Kronos and Grost compare notes with old friend Dr. Marcus and meet the beautiful Carla, played by the screen-meltingly hot Caroline Munro. She also appeared in Dracula A.D. 1972, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, and the Bond film The Spy Who Loved Me, and she fueled many happy, lustful thoughts of my adolescence. I got to kiss her on two separate occasions at convention appearances a few years later ... and that was probably 27 years ago. Have I mentioned I'm old? But I digress.
Anyway, Kronos and Grost use their expertise to track the elusive youth-stealing vampire. They bury dead toads at various spots, since folklore says that if a vampire steps over one, the toad will live. And it works! But who is the vampire? Is it one of the mysterious Durwood family? Or something else?
All this sounds pretty good, right? So why is it a Guilty Pleasure? Some things in the film haven’t aged well, and they didn’t look so good in the ‘70s, either. Hammer’s films always played fast and loose with “night”; that is, the dead of night often looked suspiciously like mid-afternoon. This was carried to ludicrous depths in Kronos, when the characters set up camp and go to bed at what looks like 4 p.m. Worse still, Grost blows out the lantern light, which results in no change in lighting whatsoever, but we’re supposed to think that it’s night. Also, Horst Janson as Kronos is Dolph Lundgrenesque, and his “sexy” nighttime rendezvous with Carla is laughably goofy.
But if you’re a horror fan, the Captain Kronos DVD is worth renting or owning. The oh-so-brief swordfight in the tavern (two slices!) is a hysterically marvelous highlight, the climactic duel takes place in front of a frozen audience of mesmerized victims, the soundtrack (especially Kronos’ theme) gets the pulse racing, and trust me - the wealth of vampire lore will add spice to any Ravenloft campaign.
And in case you’re wondering, yes, the godawful Van Helsing hugely rips off this movie. It’s a shame that Clemens’ first planned sequel - pitting Kronos against Dr. Frankenstein - never came to be, as the stake was driven through Hammer’s heart a short time later. I know that Hammer Films is back in business, though it’s hard to believe the new films will ever capture the studio's original greatness.