Choices in Life
Isn't life strange? Isn't it great? And now I've got "Send In The Clowns" totally stuck in my head. I've just seen a number of people's lives change (mostly via Facebook or other social stalking sites) and stopped to wonder sometimes about the path I've chosen over the years. Specifically the opportunities I've passed on to pursue other things. Which brought up Nostalgia about some of those past times. And some yearning for some of the things other people have that I'm still trying to achieve.
Ahh, jealousy, you sonovabitch you. Always driving me to achieve something to out-do or at least match others. Why do I have this strange drive to be the best? I hide it so well usually, but my competitive streak has been coming through a lot more recently. The weird part is, I like being competitive, but really just want to have fun with life. In other words, I want to win, but only as long as I'm having fun. If I'm not having fun, I quit because it's not fun. Then I don't win, which makes it even less fun. But I still want to win, so I find myself drawn back in. I confuse myself at times. Back on topic.
It's a little weird to see people I know making these big life decisions. And wanting to make them too. I mean, I'm 26 now. Let's compare me now to where I thought I'd be back when I was 18. Yes, I know I was young and foolish when I was 18, but let's just go with it for now.
Plan for age 25 at age 18:
Job: Airline pilot, rising through the ranks
Personal: Engaged or married to a girl met in college, first house purchased
Social: Tight knit circle of friends with a few acquaintances
Calendar: Spending most evenings and weekends with fiance/wife with a few social gatherings thrown in
Finances: Saving to start a family, spending occasional money on larger items
Reality at 26:
Job: Senior Analyst, catching the eye of senior management
Personal: Great relationship with one of my mom's former students, who I met in France. Still renting an apartment. Proud owner of 2 cats.
Social: More close friends than I can fit in my apartment. Acquaintances in every field in most states.
Calendar: Booked through up-coming months with events. Most weekends double- or triple-booked. More invites coming in on top of everything. Free time a laughable concept.
Finances: Saving, but slower than expected. Only long-term equity is in car and stocks.
Comparing the two shows that I am on a completely different track than expected. Which can be disconcerting at times. It's fun to travel down unknown paths, but it's also a little scary. Just something I have to live with I suppose.
Ahh, jealousy, you sonovabitch you. Always driving me to achieve something to out-do or at least match others. Why do I have this strange drive to be the best? I hide it so well usually, but my competitive streak has been coming through a lot more recently. The weird part is, I like being competitive, but really just want to have fun with life. In other words, I want to win, but only as long as I'm having fun. If I'm not having fun, I quit because it's not fun. Then I don't win, which makes it even less fun. But I still want to win, so I find myself drawn back in. I confuse myself at times. Back on topic.
It's a little weird to see people I know making these big life decisions. And wanting to make them too. I mean, I'm 26 now. Let's compare me now to where I thought I'd be back when I was 18. Yes, I know I was young and foolish when I was 18, but let's just go with it for now.
Plan for age 25 at age 18:
Job: Airline pilot, rising through the ranks
Personal: Engaged or married to a girl met in college, first house purchased
Social: Tight knit circle of friends with a few acquaintances
Calendar: Spending most evenings and weekends with fiance/wife with a few social gatherings thrown in
Finances: Saving to start a family, spending occasional money on larger items
Reality at 26:
Job: Senior Analyst, catching the eye of senior management
Personal: Great relationship with one of my mom's former students, who I met in France. Still renting an apartment. Proud owner of 2 cats.
Social: More close friends than I can fit in my apartment. Acquaintances in every field in most states.
Calendar: Booked through up-coming months with events. Most weekends double- or triple-booked. More invites coming in on top of everything. Free time a laughable concept.
Finances: Saving, but slower than expected. Only long-term equity is in car and stocks.
Comparing the two shows that I am on a completely different track than expected. Which can be disconcerting at times. It's fun to travel down unknown paths, but it's also a little scary. Just something I have to live with I suppose.