For the next 40 days!
Hello boys and girls,
For the next forty days I am going to try and update and muse as much as possible. I have no idea who still reads this and I am contemplating adding it to Facebook to share my virtual self with more people. However, even as I myself read over past posts I realize how candid I was. How open I am on Livejournal, and I know it is because hardly anyone I interact with reads it. That has so much power.
I read the past few posts, and all I can do is do a little hmph laugh and sigh. Lots has happened since those posts, both good and bad. I do not think Livejournal will ever hear about everything, but it will hear about where I am at now.
I am at the stage of realizing that something is over. Sure I know what that something is, but for me it was a something that was with me for quite a few years and it is hard for me to let go of it. I feel like it has slowed down my life, but that is good, this whole summer was all about slowing Kelsie down. But having emotions on a rollercoaster for a summer really slows you down. I dislike being lonely and want to share life with someone, one being the key part of that phrase, yet after this summer I do not have the energy or strength to give this desire much head. In the recent weeks when I have met new and amazing people and some of them who could potentially be someone special I have not given it the time of day. Right now it is not worth it, and right after all was said and done, I said I was going to feel and live the feeling that was felt fully. I have a feeling it is going to take awhile for me to get back on the horse of contemplating a relationship because I need to fully get over the whole situation. Sometimes I think I am just being a big baby and maker a bigger deal about things than necessary but NO, I can do what I want. I hate hearing my mom ask "Are you doing alright?" I tell her "Yes" and she asks again "Are you sure you are alright?" and again I say "Yes", but sometimes I just want to scream "NO" because even though I say yes I know that is not the accurate answer. No, is also not the accurate answer either. This is why life is beautiful...it is so complicated.
Life is so bittersweet sometimes. I still feel like even though I smile, my whole being is not smiling, there is something that is frowning, when I feel I smile with my whole being again that is when I know I can move on. It just sucks that there is so much beauty and greatness in my life, yet I am allowing something to hold me back from fully enjoying it!
Anyways, I hope that one day I will read over these following forty days and just smile and see the progression that I have made.
Peace and giggles,
Kelsie
For the next forty days I am going to try and update and muse as much as possible. I have no idea who still reads this and I am contemplating adding it to Facebook to share my virtual self with more people. However, even as I myself read over past posts I realize how candid I was. How open I am on Livejournal, and I know it is because hardly anyone I interact with reads it. That has so much power.
I read the past few posts, and all I can do is do a little hmph laugh and sigh. Lots has happened since those posts, both good and bad. I do not think Livejournal will ever hear about everything, but it will hear about where I am at now.
I am at the stage of realizing that something is over. Sure I know what that something is, but for me it was a something that was with me for quite a few years and it is hard for me to let go of it. I feel like it has slowed down my life, but that is good, this whole summer was all about slowing Kelsie down. But having emotions on a rollercoaster for a summer really slows you down. I dislike being lonely and want to share life with someone, one being the key part of that phrase, yet after this summer I do not have the energy or strength to give this desire much head. In the recent weeks when I have met new and amazing people and some of them who could potentially be someone special I have not given it the time of day. Right now it is not worth it, and right after all was said and done, I said I was going to feel and live the feeling that was felt fully. I have a feeling it is going to take awhile for me to get back on the horse of contemplating a relationship because I need to fully get over the whole situation. Sometimes I think I am just being a big baby and maker a bigger deal about things than necessary but NO, I can do what I want. I hate hearing my mom ask "Are you doing alright?" I tell her "Yes" and she asks again "Are you sure you are alright?" and again I say "Yes", but sometimes I just want to scream "NO" because even though I say yes I know that is not the accurate answer. No, is also not the accurate answer either. This is why life is beautiful...it is so complicated.
Life is so bittersweet sometimes. I still feel like even though I smile, my whole being is not smiling, there is something that is frowning, when I feel I smile with my whole being again that is when I know I can move on. It just sucks that there is so much beauty and greatness in my life, yet I am allowing something to hold me back from fully enjoying it!
Anyways, I hope that one day I will read over these following forty days and just smile and see the progression that I have made.
Peace and giggles,
Kelsie